AWKWARD ZOMBIE

The feeling of having your sanity slowly creep back at you is something I'd rather have avoided completely, but there's nothing I can do about it now. I'm slowly processing and coming to terms with the taboo topics thing and letting it go piece by piece and I need to stop avoiding everything that reminds me of the event in any way. I'm feeling quite alright now but the depression is still there and I don't have the mental energy to feel strongly about anything. I'm also living quite ascetic - I don't listen to a lot of music for example, but at least I can enjoy video games again. I know there won't be a magic moment when it'll be as if none of this ever happened but at this rate, I'd say I'll be pretty close to normal in 6 months maybe, fully recovered in a year. If the rate I've been recovering at is of any indication, that is. If I land a summer job and finish my studies properly, that should up my mood quite a bit.

Still, what a shitfest. I ruined absolutely everything for no benefit at all.

For the longest time I took pride in the fact that at the very least I'm very mentally stable, too. There goes that.

Regardless, I absolutely refuse to have ANYTHING I said there on my conscience. This was such a massive mistake that I have absolutely no other option but to disown everything and go back to the drawing board sometime in the future when I can afford to have an opinion about any of this again. Right now I care about absolutely nothing else than being safe in my own head and letting go.

Someone please tell me this isn't the reality in which I have actually gone and claimed I support displacement of an entire group of people based on their religion. I refuse to believe I have actually gone and made such a claim and even defended it. I'm proud to say I have changed my stance to be much more moderate - although it goes without saying I never for one second ever believed what I wrote there in the first place.

On a less serious note, I've got a problem with wax buildup in my ears. It first occurred in 2012 when I managed to clog one of my ears for a week. Then it took 3 years to happen again, when last fall both of my ears got clogged, in addition to me catching the flu and being under serious mental stress, meaning I was pretty much useless for a week. Now half a year later one ear got clogged again. What a pain in the booty.