AWKWARD ZOMBIE

I don't know if chefs would be considered the best lovers, but they'll certainly whisk you away.

Steve Irwin should have worn sunblock to protect himself from harmful rays.

Some guy just sold me a marionette, no strings attached.

What does Gordon Freeman have for dinner?

Fission Chips

I bought some high-tech scissors the other day. They're pretty cutting edge.

There was an article that said you can tell the future using dairy products, but only while they're in a container. Apparently it's no use scrying over spilled milk

What do you call a fish with no eyes?

a fsh.

What do you call a fish with only one eye?

Fish

Two cows in a field, one of them goes "Moo", the other goes "you bastard, i was going to say that"

Two cows are in a field. One turns to the other and says, "I hear that this Mad Cow Disease is going around fast. Everyone's getting sick and I'm really scared; I don't want to end up like them. What about you?"

The other cow says, "Who cares. We're helicopters."

What do you call a psychoanalyst that trips?

[spoiler]A Freudian slip[/spoiler]

David Carradine's last words:
I put on my rope and wizard hat.

DAVID CARRADINE ;____;

Dragonball Evolution.

Too soon?

Oh well. What's the difference between an ostrich?
Both its legs are the same length, except the right.

Between an ostrich and what?