AWKWARD ZOMBIE

Granted, but now you've started smoking, drinking coffee and chewing your fingernails excessively.

I wish it was warmer out.

Granted. You don't notice anyways. daisies anemia.

I wish my sisters were not 3 years apart, but in fact, twins.

Never figured they'd be Mary-Kate and Ashley, did you?

I wish I could just maul someone's face right now.

Granted. You become double-jointed and maul your own face.

I wish there were more decent webcomics out there. It's like this is the only one.

Granted, but soon the clever ideas run out and everyone is left repeating themselves about how Link can hold everything with no difficulty.

I wish I had the motivation to do that self-portrait correctly and color the mouse I drew so I can get into art class.

http://www.drmcninja.com/

Anyway:
Granted. But now you're horribly disfigured, so no one wants to see your self portrait.

I wish that I was a pteradactyl.

Granted, but a scientist sees you and flips out about how you should be extinct and shoots you to restore the natural order.

I wish that my self-esteem wasn't so low.

Granted, but you're now so over-confident that even now, nobody likes you. Show-off.

I wish Katie could go at least a month without making a WoW comic.

Granted. After that month is over, she makes NOTHING BUT WoW comics.

I wish I was a better Medic on TF2.

(And don't say I suck at everyone else, because that wouldn't bother me too much now)

Granted, but the Heavy you are healing doesn't know what he's doing.

I wish that I could watch Courage the Cowardly Dog all day.

granted, but there all RERUNS!!!

i wish i had a wish to wish for...

Granted, but the wish is to die. You die.

I wish I wouldn't read so fast that I have to buy new books all the time (and I can't use the library because my library is ridiculously small and has almost no good books.)

Granted, you can no longer aford new books to read.

I wish for a donut.

granted, but it's a has RAISINS in it, causing you to choke, you also catch on fire.
I wish my wireless internet would work and let my laptop have internet.

Granted, but you get a virus and your laptop is infected beyond any hope of recovery.

I wish I had a 37 inch high definition T.V.