AWKWARD ZOMBIE

See, I have this magic watch. It talks to me, and makes predictions of the future. Oh, it's saying something... it... it says you're not wearing any underwear? Whoops, sorry, I forgot; it's an hour fast.

Maybe it's because she kicks the shit out of you and gets blood all over her so she has to take a shower.

You know, one day when we're married, our kids will ask how we met... and I'll have to tell them how unco operative you were being.

"I hope you know I put the eggs of my children into your drink. Marry me or I'll let them explode from your esophasgus."

Huh, I thought that rufie would work faster.

Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?

I loled!

I am here, and you are here. Let's both get drunk, shag like bunnies, and never speak to each other ever again.

"No Dumping."

Did you just fart? Because you blow me away.

Don't be surprised if a big man comes to your house and kidnaps you, I wanted you for Christmas.

Don't be scared of me, please. I'm not a serial rapist (put emphasis on 'serial')...

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If it's true that you are what you eat, I could be you in fifteen minutes!

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I know what type of girl you are. You'll be bonking on my bedroom door in an hour from now, begging to be let through it... But I'm not going to let you out. Oooooh no...

*Only works if said by a nerd (or anyone who plays tabletop RPGs)

* Hey baby, wanna enter my dungeon?

While pretending to tell a joke

You: "What's the difference between sex and conversation?"
He/she: "Beats me." (or something among those lines)
You: "Come up to my room and I'll tell you all about it."

Now you hope he/she has a sense of humour, else she probably won't get it

Are you a pirate?

Because you have a pegleg and eyepatch.

Is that a mirror in your pocket? Because I see myself in your pants.

OH LOLOL.