AWKWARD ZOMBIE

Finally got to play game of D&D tonight with friends. I played as a gnome named Listerfiend, who hates humans (backstory included him once being a human's slave, forced to tend gardens for years on end)
I took a job as a test subject at the beginning of the game and long story short I'm a psychic/possibly a zombie. Other players included a Dwarf miner, two douchey elves, a human thief, an elf girl who's outfit consisted of nothing but belts, a human pirate/cultist (played by Riku),and a demon ork.

One of my friends ended up getting cursed so both his legs turned to gold, got another curse that made it so he's always hovering 3 inches off the ground, and a third curse that made it so his arms were replaced with crows wings.

Another friend ended up getting turned to stone 3 turns into the game.

I've managed to get a group together for regular play. I think I'm going to have them take orders from a charismatic politician. Their quests will start simply enough but will slowly become more and more corrupt. My goal is for the process to be so subtle that they don't even realize they're the bad guys until another adventuring party appears to try to defeat them.

Try to see if they'll go for the Head of Vecna.

Doing a session right now. The group was trying to win prizes by guessing which coin was in which hand from an old woman. One managed to get the top prize, and I jokingly thought "welp, let's see how far this can go."

She got 9 correct guesses in a row.

That's a 1 in 512 chance.

People thought I was dicking around, but I gave one person the results before the player guessed, and they were amazed.

Gurl is lucky as fuck.

Got most of my party killed two nights ago.

I spent the first session trapped in a laboratory, but I gained psychic powers. Turns out the laboratory was in the middle of a city that was going through a rather nasty zombie plague. I meet up with everyone else, and proceed to leave the group to go find a pipe (I am playing as a gnome, I need a pipe!) in a store. For some reason everyone follows me in, besides our half crow, half human, who sat ontop of the building trying to summon crows. The building was empty, but I heard some one behind the door. I of course yell at them to see who it was. They didn't answer, I tried busting the door down, failed, and then our dwarf wearing 30 tons of armor opened it. And then got covered in zombies. And then everyone dies but me, the elf wearing belts for armor, the bird man, and the indestructible dwarf.

And the we got on a flying ship and nuked the town.

Things that just happened:

One of our party members rolled a one trying to get on a mule so he fell into an alchemical solution and dissolved. He happened to have all our magic equipment on him, and coupled with a decorative vortex of pure energy, caused a nuclear explosion

EDIT: Apparently the vortex was made of souls so we made a SOULSPLOSION and also caused a dimensional rift to form

Whoops

Just hit the turning point of the RP.

Group is breaking up, and everyone is a mass of quivering giblets about what happened.

I'm loving it.

never have i seen someone fuck up doing something that badly god do i love it

I have, though it wasn't a party member. Basically someone knocked over a skeleton and pulled down their pants to moon it. Thing is, it wasn't dead and the DM ruled that this opened the PC up to an attack of opportunity. So he rolled for the skeleton and got a natural 1.

The skeleton swung, missed, and decapitated itself.

I'd kinda like to join a game, but I've never really played before. We have any open games going on?

I joined up with a Fallout: Equestria PnP group a few weeks back, and we had a rather silly session last week.

We had picked up from the middle of a fight with a group of raiders in a (rather lovely) home. Our resident Zebra had already set off an explody trap and was more or less incapacitated. I, being the hardest hitter of the party, took the initiative and rushed the bedroom where the raiders where cleaning up their explicit activities that we had interrupted. Kicking the door down and shotgunning anything that was wearing mangled sports equipment for armor.

Meanwhile, downstairs and in the front lawn, the party's lost Vault/Stable dweller was cowering behind some cover while a stallion (who is the head of the family living in the house, and was previously thrown from a second story window) was trying to get her attention, but she was blaring her Pip-Boy radio into her ears to go into her pop flyin' place.

Several turns (And three perception checks) later, the mare finally paid attention to the injured buck, who gave her a key to the cellar. Gathering up as much courage as she could, she ran for the cellar and promptly open it wide open, and out sprang... A dog. A completely normal, non-mutated dog.

Said dog ran straight upstairs for the fight, where I had already blasted the insides of two raiders across the walls, and chomped down on the remaining raider's neck, snapping it in two.

The dog's name? Mr. Wiggles.

The best part was the DM's face because he put the vortex and solution there as decorations

Also when he went to roll damage to the tower we were in he just picked up a handful of about 16 d6, dropped them, and then multiplied by eight

Then he tried to figure out how much experience the guy who died WOULD have gotten for killing the tower and every living thing in a miles wide radius of the explosion

So the guy tried to get on his booty and managed a TPK?

Also Fallout Equestria sounds like some special kind of fucked up.

And how.

Not a Tabletop, but when your in a roleplay with a god who likes to cheat his dice, NEVER tell the Genetic mutation lab that looks like a mobile hermit crab that your not leaving the ceiling unless it comes down.

That ceiling did not stand a chance. And neither did the person hanging from it.