AWKWARD ZOMBIE

Oh forgot to mention that also when I was a kid I thought that everyone was religious and there were only two religions - Pentecost (what I am/was/is/whatever) and Catholicism. My entire family was either Pentecostal or Catholic, and in my town everyone was Catholic, so it made sense.

I was so incredibly confused when I met a distant cousin of mine for the first time and she told me she was Baptist.

Way back when I was a young 'un, apparently we were driving in a car and I pointed out a hitchhiker on the side of road.
"Look at the man in funny clothes!"
"The what man?"
"the man in the funny hat!"
"The what man?"

Turns out they were seeing if I'd call him black.
Never did.

did he spend a week in the hospital?

because I did.

I love the conversation I had with my best friend in elementary school about what sex was

"I found out what you do when you have sex!"

"WHAAAAT? Tell me what do they do??"

*we scurry into my room to hide from eavesdroppers*

"I found out that you have sex....when boys and girls put their mouths on each other's private parts"

"EW THAT'S GROSS."

When I was around 5 or 6 I was really curious about how hot a stove is.
So I tried it for myself. With my hand. Screaming ensued and burns were had.
I then lied that I had been reaching for the cookies in the cupboard above the stove and faltered and tried to grab hold of something. I didn't tell the truth until several years later.

A girl once held her hand up for a high five from me but I failed so hard I missed her hand and accidentally touched her chest.

just like one of my animes

what do you mean failed

Slipped, fell, got to second base.

As a kid my brother ate drywall.

When I was a young'in, my friends and I were playing pretend and I was gonna be a dragon, so I said "Okay! My name is Horny!" because, you know, dragons have horns

And then I got laughed at because I was the only one who didn't know what it meant

I just remembered I used to do that. If the wall had bumps on them, I'd pick them off and eat it.

I also liked eating dirt and ants.

And my boogers.


I ate a lot of things

I used to eat paper.
A lot of paper.

Yep I ate that too.


And my scabs. And my blood. And my nails. And pebbles.

Did you suck on keys? I did that.