AWKWARD ZOMBIE

Granted, but as it turns out, you never specified what it was that you were the best at. Thus, you roam the earth searching for the one thing that you could be the best at. Now everything has fallen by the wayside and you are in your golden years. You have finally figured out what you are the best at, only after you have been diagnosed with Alzheimer's. In a week, you will never remember what it was that you were the best at, or for that matter, who you are. Bad End.

I wish I could write worth a f#*$.

Granted, but the fuck you get gives you aids.

I wish time wasn't relative.

inb4theuniverseexplodes

Granted
Time begins to go at an extremely fast speed and you begin to age rapidly.
But it's not a loss everyone is aging rapidly.
However now everyone has significantly shortened lifespans.
You fall in love with a girl, but it takes years in what was the before time but is now decades in this time.
Right before you get married she ages into dust and you weep for her death then fade into dust yourself.
As I approach your grave I fade into dust as well with a look of disapproval on my face uttering the words, "What have you done?"

I wish to be in a computer.

granted, but the computer has internet access and can get to this forum.

i wish that the next poster's wish will be this wish.

Sadly no, this poster would not waste his time with something so trivial and with zero outcomes.

I wish I had a Giant Robot

but because you refused to grant the previous wish, the wish gods leave your wish also ungranted!

i wish that making this wish had no effect on anything?

Granted, but you are now relocated to Jersey to fight villains from afar. Your robot is also a stick shift.

Edit: DAMMIT, WHY AM I SO SLOW?!
Granted, unfortunately, since this wish has no outcome, it cannot, therefore, be seen properly.

I wish to be more vague in my cartoon references.

You become so vague bodaciously nobody understand the references. Not even you.

I wish for the power to alter space-time to my will.

Granted, but seeing as you're altering it in your Will, this wish can have no effect until after you die.

I wish my assignment was going to be submitted completed, on time, and without cheating.
(no, no, and yes)

In wishing to finish it without cheating, you unknowingly are cheating. This wish causes a never ending loop of canceling itself out. The universe explodes. Including any and all afterlives.

Nice job breaking everything, hero.

I wish that nothing could go wrong. Ever.

Okay, sure nothing goes wrong ever in your life.
You'll find each day becoming duller than the last, losing every aspect of danger and adventure in your life.
You try to find danger skydiving or doing extreme sports, but you know nothing can go wrong. You know that no matter what no danger will befall you, since that would mean things went wrong for you.
Your last chance for adventure, you go deep sea diving in shark infested territory.
No sharks come near you, you know there's no danger. Your life will be forever bland and monotonous. Your anger leads you that you wish the sharks would attack you, you wish they would maul you just for a sense of excitement. In this scenario if you were to escape then it would go wrong, since you wish it for yourself, therefore the sharks will mangle you into bits, your screams of agony make you realize that you missed the monotony. Dying cold, alone at sea, being torn by sharks.
fin~

I wish for keys to every locked door.

Granted, but they all break after one use.

I wish for world peace.

Granted, but is achieved by the death of all organic lifeforms

I wish for another wish

Granted: You may now have another wish. However, if this wish does not involve wishing for yet another wish, and so on, the first wish will become null and void, meaning you will receive no wishes in the first place.

I wish I could meet my favorite author.

You do, and talk for several hours.

They hate you.


I WISH I WAS BATMAN. AND... INVINCIBLE. INVINCABATMAN.