AWKWARD ZOMBIE

That was pretty intense.

AND THEN YOU COOK EGGS IN THE PAN YOU FRIED THE CHOPS IN

10/10 WOULD EAT AGAIN

MAN IF WE HANG OUT AGAIN YOU BETTER BE COOKIN'

I'M SURE YOU WOULD RAVE ABOUT MY NORMAL SPECIALTY: PEANUT BUTTER & JELLY AND POP TARTS

Peanut butter and jelly Sandwich with the pop-tarts as the bread

I'm stuck. The neighbor isn't bringing me cookies so I can't proceed.

Get better neighbors

ARE YOU POOR, UNEMPLOYED, DIVORCED, SUICIDAL OR OTHERWISE DEPRESSED?

THEN YOU SHOULD BE EATING EGGS AND SHIT

EGGS AND SHIT

- Eggs
- Shit

IN ADDITION TO YOUR EGGS AND SHIT YOU'RE GOING TO NEED ONE OR TWO OTHER INGREDIENTS



BECAUSE THIS IS REAL COOKING, FOR REAL MEN. GET YOURSELF ONE OR TWO SHOTS IMMEDIATELY.



FIRST UP, WE NEED TO PREPARE OUR SHIT. THE KEY SECOND INGREDIENT IN EGGS AND SHIT IS WHATEVER YOU HAVE IN YOUR FRIDGE AT THE TIME. SALAMI, HAM, BACON, MUSHROOM, MISERY, DESPAIR - ANYTHING YOU HAVE ON HAND. UNCLE SPOONY IS CHOPPING UP SOME CHORIZO HE GOT AT A LOCAL DELI. ALWAYS SHOP LOCAL TO HELP YOUR COMMUNITY, KIDS.



IN ADDITION TO SAID CHORIZO SOME CHERRY BOCCONCINI IS GOING INTO THE MIX. YOU SHOULD PUT CHEESE INTO AS MANY MEALS AS POSSIBLE. IF YOU EVER PUT YOUR BIG BOY PANTS ON AND COOK YOURSELF A STEAK YOU SHOULD BE SMOTHERING THAT LITTLE BITCH IN BLUE CHEESE.



START FRYING UP YOUR SHIT, BE IT CHORIZO, MUSHROOMS OR TEARS.



WHILE YOUR SHIT FRIES, WHISK YOUR EGGS AND CRACK YOUR OARS MEN, IF YOU WISH TO PREVAIL



NOW YOU WANT EGG BUKKAKE ALL OVER YOUR CHORIZO. THIS IS ALSO WHERE YOU ADD YOUR CHEESE IF YOU'VE BEEN FOLLOWING PROPER ORDERS AND HAPPEN TO BE ON GOOD TERMS WITH YOUR QUARTERMASTER.



AFTER SOME FEW MINUTES OF EGG FRYING, DEPLOY YOUR DISH STRAIGHT INTO THE OVEN, PAN AND ALL, RIGHT UNDER THE GRILL. SHOVE IT IN, LIKE A NAUGHTY GIRL.



NOW YOU NEED TO WAIT A SHORT WHILE AS YOUR EGGS AND SHIT FINISHES. POSSIBLY YOU WOULD CARE TO CATCH UP ON YOUR DIARY OF LONDON SOCIAL EVENTS, AND STUDY THE FORTHCOMING WEEK.



TWEED APPEARS TO BE ON SALE AT HUNT & WINTERBOTHAM. TWEED IS THE TRUE GENTLEMAN'S FABRIC; SUITABLE FOR BOTH CITY WEAR AND COUNTRY WEAR. OF COURSE, A PROPER SIR SHALL TURN UP HIS NOSE WITH DERISION AT ANY TWEED FROM OUTSIDE THE ISLE OF HARRIS, BUT PERHAPS YOU ARE A LITTLE BABY GIRL AND NOT A PROPER SIR.



SAVINGS ON FUR TOO, HOW EXQUISITE. SIX HUNDRED POUNDS FOR BESPOKE MINK IS A PRICE TO RAISE AN EYEBROW OR TWO. PERHAPS IF YOUNG SIR HAS HIS EYE ON A LADY FRIEND, MINK MIGHT BE THE ANSWER. OF COURSE, IF YOUNG SIR IS IN A POSITION TO BE SUCCESSFUL WITH A LADY FRIEND, YOUNG SIR HAS NO BUSINESS AT ALL COOKING EGGS AND SHIT.



WITHIN NO TIME AT ALL YOUR EGGS AND SHIT WILL BE READY FOR CONSUMPTION. BECAUSE YOU HAVE NO FRIENDS OR FAMILY LEFT TO BE OFFENDED BY YOUR LACK OF MANNERS, YOU WILL EAT YOUR EGGS AND SHIT STRAIGHT OUT OF THE PAN. YOUNG SIR MAY CARE FOR A SPOT OF BOURBON WITH HIS EGGS AND SHIT, UNLESS YOUNG SIR IS POSSIBLY MENSTRUATING.



WHILE UNCLE SPOONY EATS, HE OCCASIONALLY CARES TO DO SOME FREE MIND WRITING. PERHAPS YOU WOULD CARE TO JOIN HIM. SIMPLY SET YOURSELF IN FRONT OF YOUR TYPING CONTRAPTION AND LET YOUR HANDS GO FREE, WRITING OUT THE FIRST THING THAT COMES TO MIND.

Being dead inside is just so delicious

mad jelly

We were gonna do a buffalo chicken thing, but we forgot to take photos. Not that you guys want to see us crying our eyes out as we minced what was the most vicious onion I have ever faced. We had to tag team and take breaks to get it done.
Gonna get us a food processor next time. Fuck manual labour. I have dollars.

Hah spoony, I made a similar omelette last weekend. Why do you put it in the oven though?

To brown the top I suspect.

Ah, I usually flip it if I want to do that but that usually browns it too much, I guess I could try that. Does it take long to brown it that way?

Not really, if you crank the grill up. I suck pretty hard at flippin, so it works out easier this way.