AWKWARD ZOMBIE

Haha, yeah the words for the stuff inside of bones and stuff like that are the same in German, whoops.

Actually, my rice pudding flopped pretty hard yesterday, because of said reasons (didn't stir enough, too high heat), but it WOULD have been great if I didn't fuck up!

SHHHH

It looks delishious!

It does, doesn't it? Tastes like burned milk though. Oh well, next time I know.

How in the name of Shuma-Gorath's Underpants do you burn milk?

Really easily, actually.

I don't cook milk.
I like my milk ice cold.

That's the problem.

And this is why you are doomed to nothing but stale corn puffs as soon as your parents kick you out.

I know how follow a recipe and take care of myself, if that's what you're implying.

Every time I look at this thread I think "I should learn how to cook things" and then I don't have time to spend learning how to make something

You can only destroy.

Tomorrow Imma make some curry rice. Which is actually curry with rice but I didn't invent the name.

On this night, I will most likely have fried rice and it will be glorious!

BRACE FOR IMPACT CAUSE THIS IS GONNA BE A BIGGUN

YOU KNOW HOW PRETTY MUCH ALL THE WEAKLINGS IN THIS THREAD HAVE BEEN SHOWING YOU HOW TO MAKE ONE DISH AT A TIME

FUCK THAT

TIME FOR A MAIN A SIDE AND A DESERT ALL AT FUCKING ONCE

IS YOUR BODY READY?

PAN FRIED LAMB CHOPS

HOMEMADE MASHED POTATOES

SHORTBREAD TARTS

LET'S FUCKING DO THIS

Lamb chops

Lamb chops
Salt
Pepper
Garlic Powder
Oil

Mashed Potatoes

Your potato of choice
Butter
Milk
Salt

Shortbread Tarts

Filling
4 oz cream cheese
7 oz sweetened condensed milk
1/2 lemon zest
1/6 cup lemon juice
vanilla

Shortbread
1/2 cup butter
1/4 cup powdered sugar
vanilla
3/4 cup flour
1 1/2 tablespoon cornstarch
Salt
Muffin tin
Oil for tin

BOOM

Here are the chops pre-unwrapped

I COULD EAT THEM LIKE THIS RIGHT FUCKING NOW

GOD daisies I LOVE LAMB


Step 1: open a window 'cause this shit's gonna get smokey


Fill a pot for the potatoes and TURN UP THE HEAT IN HERE


YES MORE BLOOD


salt one side of these bad boys


then the pepper


and the garlic powder

then do the same thing to the other side


put oil in your pan and start heating it up

EVERYTHING'S GETTIN HOT UP IN HERE


while you're waiting for it to heat up, go ahead and turn around and discover that the ingredients for the tarts have APPEARED AS IF THROUGH SORCERY


no time to question it, first beat the creamcheese like a cliched line about someone being struck


god fucking daisies it I hate cream cheese sometimes

(it's not true cream cheese I love you)


after you get that shit dealt with, add the sweetened condensed milk

(note do not eat this before you put it in. you will not be able to stop)


BAM


next, receive a knock on your door from a neighbor who wants to give you cookies


the pan should be hot enough by now. LET'S START COOKING THIS SHIT for about a minute on high


zest your lemon like you've never zested before and mix it in there


whoops time to flip. been a little more than a minute but whateves. cook this side for another minute


add your lemon juice


FUCK IT'S BEEN TOO LONG AGAIN

turn down the temperature to a low medium, flip again and leave to cook for about five minutes. you can do this. you can wait this out


adding vanilla to a filling that is getting more and more difficult to not eat


hmmm it says to chill this stuff overnight


haha fuck that


let's just put it in the freezer for a while and pretend like you aren't just a gluttonous motherfucker who wants to eat it as fast as possible


FLIP THAT SHIT AGAIN. LEAVE TO COOK FOR ANOTHER 5 MINUTES ON THIS SIDE


mix the butter and powdered sugar together to start on the shortbread

note: this will piss you off much like the cream cheese did


next add your flour, cornstarch and salt


it should look like little crumbles and also smell delicious


TAKE THAT SHIT OFF AND PUT IT ON THE PLATE. GODDAMN THAT SMELLS GOOD


the water should be around boiling now. add the potatoes whenever this happens


pack the shortbread stuff into the bottom and up the sides of the muffin tin for OPTIMAL FILLING RECEIVAL


put that shit in the freezer along with the filling for about 15 minutes. start preheating the oven for 325 degrees Fahrenheit


NOW GO DO SOME OTHER SHIT BECAUSE THERE ISN'T MUCH TO DO RIGHT NOW

LIKE MAYBE CLEAN UP THE HUGE MESS YOU MADE HOLY FUCK


after 15 minutes in the freezer, put the shortbread in the oven


for about 10 minutes


once 10 minutes is up, open up the oven and poke the bottoms like a dictator to make sure there are no bubbles rising up in rebellion

bake for another 10 minutes


POTATOES SHOULD BE DONE AW YEAH


WHOOPS NO REAL POTATO MASHER BETTER GHETTO STYLE IT


ADD YO BUTTER


ADD YO MILK


AAAND ADD YO SALT 'CAUSE THEY MASHIN ERRBODY OUT HEAH


YOU NOW HAVE DINNER

CONGRATULATIONS


the shortbread should be browned around the edges


WE'RE GETTING CLOSER

MY BODY IS READYING ITSELF


OH GOD I'M GONNA... I'M GONNA


UUUUGHGHIHGHGH


FLAWLESS VICTORY

Perfect

Cooking with Chinmaster should be a thing that happens more often