AWKWARD ZOMBIE

You become the John Lennon of our generation, with a sound like that of The Who and The Beatles had they Voltroned together. But before you get the chance to play you fall into a wood chipper

I wish I could fall asleep faster.

Granted - but you wake up naked outside three blocks from home every day.


I wish I could draw better.

Granted, but art has just become illegal everywhere and you're in jail now.

I wish that I wouldn't talk in my sleep.

You don't talk in your sleep anymore. You scream in your sleep.

I wish I could hold all these lemons.

Your dog died.

I wish there was some food in this house.

There is some food in the house, inside the toilet bowl. and you forgot to flush last time.

I wish I had a red power ranger morpher.

Congrats, you're now a Red Power Ranger.
Bacon very quickly kills you.

I WISH FOR A GHOST BEAR. WHO IS ON FIRE. WHO I MUST FIGHT TO PROVE MY WORTH TO THE REST OF THE CLAN.

Granted, you try to punch the ghost bear, but you fall through and the fire covering him burns you to death.

I wish I had a sword.

It's delivered to you by Bec Noir. Through your chest.

I wish the end of act 5 flash would be done earlier and still be as awesome as it would be if it took its time.

An act 5 is added to the musical Oliver! even though it lack 3 and 4.

I wish everything was easy and not boring.

Everything is easy. Including your mother.

I wish I didn't have to throw papers tonight.

You have to throw 100 lbs metals tonight

I wish dead island would get fixed.

granted. the graphics get “fixed” and now the game's minimum requirements are higher thaan your system's specs.

I wish i had a good gaming computer.

granted, but you cannot charge it and the battery came dead.
edit: fucking edit ninja
I wish that my xbox liked connecting to live.

also that would be amazing for a game to be past my systems specs

Granted but it likes connecting so much that it immediately disconnects only to reconnect again and again and again.

I wish I could find a good book to read.