AWKWARD ZOMBIE

It sounds like you didn't really commit yet, if so you could try asking the other guy if he wants to go with you. You should work at what you want.

I wish there were parties like that over here, sounds awesome.

I kind of need some help here
Guy that I'm dating just dropped the L-bomb via text. I am really not okay with this. I like being around him and I think that he's a really great person, but we are definitely not at the point in our relationship where I am feeling that way. We don't know each other that well, although I feel that things are going great right now. I think that things will be okay because I'm talking it out with him and not freaking out too much. Don't know what I'm doing.

a lot of people say that early in relationships because they think theyre supposed to. talk to him in person, say you're not ready for that yet. you want to continue the relationship but you're not ready for love to be in the equation.

how long have you guys been dating?

Well it's a tricky thing. If you're not at that point yet where you can say you love the guy, but you feel like you have it in you to bring those kinds of feelings to the table, you're better off waiting before you actually say it. Don't give into pressure and jump the gun on saying something that you're not actually feeling, because that can get sorta awkward down the line if problems arise (not that I'm saying they will, but relationships are pretty tricky situations)

Obviously you're gonna be the best judge of the situation, but try not to say something that you don't actually believe yourself. If he's a guy who's committed to the relationship, he can wait to see how your feelings develop.

I have been in a similar situation.

My first boyfriend from a few months back told me "I love you" the very first time we met. I was not okay with this. Too often I've seen people throw that phrase around, almost like it's meaningless. When I say it to someone, I want it to actually mean something. I want to be sure that yes, I do in fact love you, more than a friend - as a lover and a companion. What am I supposed to think if you say it so soon and so suddenly? Either I feel like you don't know your own feelings and are rushing into things, or you don't really understand the weight of that phrase and it's become nothing more than empty words to you.

I told him that I would not be ready to say "I love you" for a long time. Months, maybe more. But he would always say it when we talked, and it wore me down, and after a while I began to think well, maybe if I say it, things will change? Maybe saying it will let my feelings grow more? This is the worst train of thought I could have had, and even though I knew it, after a few weeks I still said it to him.

I hated it. In the end it didn't mean anything to me, I felt awkward all the time, and it really did not help my side of the relationship. I felt like I was going 50 miles past the speed limit and I couldn't find the brakes. Digging myself too deep with no way out, to put it another way.

My advice is this: if you are uncomfortable with it, let him know. Communicate with him. Don't let his feelings influence yours. Rushing into things is the worst thing you can do.

@Bacon
We've been going out for less than a month, although we've hung out for a little longer than that. And that's basically what I told him, it's my first sort of "relationship" (which I didn't want to call it when he asked previously if we were in one because I just wanted to be "dating" because I wanted to take things really slow).

@Vax
Oh, no, I don't feel pressured to return it if I don't feel it. I'm totally open to having things evolve to that point if they do, but if it's not there it's not there. I just wanted to let him down easy when I told him that I'm not sure what I'm feeling yet and definitely not at that point, and I think I did. He didn't reply so I think he might be upset.

@Sheila
Exactly. He's more experienced than I am at dating and things because he's a little older, but I kind of feel like the more emotionally mature one. I'm much more reserved about that kind of thing, especially when I've never felt that way before and I'm uncertain about what's between us. Thanks for sharing your experience.

Okay so um

Willow and I have been...having problems. We keep fighting, a lot. And it's hurting both of us. I love her so much guys, and we both want things the way they used to be, when we first started dating. All the flirting and being the perfect team and doing stuff together, It just... it doesn't happen anymore, and we end up filling the void with fighting.

Like just last night, I completely ruined her evening because she misused the word "cuddling", which turns out she was talking about just leaning on her friend, no head shoulder thing, no arms around each other, just leaning. Which is fine with me, but I had thought she meant like cuddling and I flipped out and ended up bawling for about an hour, and I made her cry and it ruined her good day and it just, it was terrible.

And one of us usually gets upset over little things and we end up going back and forth and I say something hurtful and it makes things even worse. I don't know what to do guys. I love her with everything in me, but I just don't know what to do. I wish I was physically with her so we could do stuff like watching movies and going out on dates and vidya and stuff but I mean, we just don't anymore, and I hate that, and we both do. The fighting is tearing us both apart, we're both upset all the time, We love each other feverentley but we don't know what to do with it.

This is the most precious thing I've ever had in my life, and god, I don't want to lose it. I don't want to ruin it and make it awful. Someone help. please.

Here comes an attempt at love advice, watch out

I've found that probably the most important thing in any relationship that people don't realize is knowing how to forgive. Not just saying, "Oh I'm sorry, please forgive me", but actually have a real talk about how something made you feel, and trying to understand one another and understand why someone got upset and what can be done to fix it. In order to get back to normal you have to make a real effort to make things better, and it's not easy.

I would suggest you two getting in contact, whatever way you can, and have a talk about things. And don't freak out when somebody says "I want to talk to you about something"; it doesn't always mean something bad is about to happen, it means something bad already happened and you're trying to figure out how to get back on track. It's a sign of growth.

Talk to each other. In person if you can, if not, anything'll work as long as you make your feelings very very clear. You two can make things better, and you'll be stronger for it after everything gets straightened out.

I don't know if this means anything to you but I'm just trying to help however I can.

Long-distance relationships can be very difficult and very stressful, and you two are trying to pull one off while you are both still in high school, when you're both learning how to actually be in a relationship. I am not saying "you're young," simply that you're still gaining experience. I am still learning how to actually have a good relationship. I don't know if anyone ever stops learning.

I have only been in a long-distance relationship for three months, but from the start I knew that one of the most important things would be communication. There is very little physical contact - and while webcam chats may simulate a face-to-face conversation they can never be the same. Physical body language, posture, it just isn't really there. It can cause miscommunication, and miscommunication can lead to arguments and arguments lead to unhappiness.

When I say communicate, I mean be honest about your feelings. No relationship is perfect. You are going to have misgivings, you are going to have doubts. Some things will make you feel uncomfortable; other times there will be things you feel get in the way. The guy I'm seeing is eight years older than me. We've discussed the age difference before, but every so often I worry that I'm too young and too immature and one day he's going to wake up and see himself next to a child. This fear would be eating me alive by this point if I haven't talked to him about it. It's not entirely pleasant sharing my fears and worries, but bottling them up would only make them worse.

Communication requires two things: a level head, and a working pair of ears. You mentioned the "cuddling" incident. When Willow initially told you about it, did you immediately jump to conclusions? If something bothers you, don't freak out. TALK. Ask questions. Voice your concerns. Getting angry and stressed is not going to help anyone. When you instigate something, people have a tendency to lash back. Anger is hard to overcome, but if you let it leak into your words eventually one or both of you will stop listening and the only thing that will happen is harsh words being flung back and forth.

This actually applies to the both of you (in case Willow is reading this). You two need to step back, look at what you're saying to one another, and figure out what is causing everything to turn out this way.



I am hesitant to say this part, but I feel like it's necessary: Relationships are not all ever-lasting.

I am not saying you two are doomed break apart. However, I am of the firm belief that if you go into a relationship thinking, "This is absolutely wonderful and amazing and I am so in love I am going to make it last forever," you are setting yourself up for failure. Relationships aren't magically successful, they take work and dedication from both sides. They certainly can be wonderful, but if you focus so much on how fantastic it is you're going to end up being devastated the first time you fight. You know how they say you can't have ups without downs? It's like you're setting everything up on such a high pedestal that once the up-and-down nature of relationships kicks in, gravity is going to hit you hard.

Ehhh, I do not know if I'm explaining this very well. Let yourself be pop flyin', just be realistic about it. Arguments and mishaps will happen. That is just how things go.



One last thing: if none of this advice helps, and things just keep taking turns for the worse, then you two may need to re-evaluate your relationship. Think of what is best for the both of you.

I think that's all I have to say, sorry for the wall.

thanks guys

I just. Shit, I don't know what to do anymore. We're honest to each other, we communicate well most of the time, and we try to talk about stuff but...there's just...this VOID. And I don't know how to fill it. Neither of us do. It used to be just love could fill it and now its gotten bigger and wants more and I just don't know what the fuck it wants.

It just keeps staring at me and asking for something in a language I don't understand

god it feels like she's standing on the other side and I'm clutching onto her hand for dear life and this fucking hole keeps stretching and tearing me into shreds

I don't KNOW guys i just

I don't know

The void is called "several hundred miles". Distance relationships are not for those new to relationships, nor are they easy in general. You need time, patience, communication, trust and a great love for each other. You can work it out, but the both of you shouldn't sweat it so much. If you are pop flyin' with each other, then great don't delve too much deeper. You want more because you've both actually met, enjoyed it and you want it again. I'm sure if I ever visited oracle for only a couple days, I'd feel a void too. I'd rather of stayed there with her or her come with me. You had a physical connection and now its gone and you want that back.

Hello, my name is David and I'm in a long distance relationship.
"Hello, David."
I know how you're feeling, though it's not that extreme with Crispy and me, and we're not fighting.
You really miss her. Be patient both of you and appreciate what you have in each other and use every possibility to talk to each other, see each other via webcam, write letters and all that. You'll pull through eventually and you might actually be living closer to each other/together one day if everything works out.

I've been in two long distance relationships, the last one was for 26 months, and it's hard as all hell. I only saw her three times during the whole thing. I don't recommend long distance relationships if there's no clear goal in mind; waiting is painful and as it goes on it just, drags.

Which is not to say LDR is bad, but it's really, really hard.

Echoing everything said here. Unfortunately there is no real cure for that desire to be together again aside from actually being together. Unfortunately that isn't always possible, but you can do the best you can. I've heard of couples doing skype calls and leaving them on day and night, so you can see what the other person is doing at all times. If you don't have your own computer this might be hard but from what I've heard it helps bridge that "gap" a little more than just IMing one another or calling on the phone.

My first official relationship was long distance, though not to the extreme as some of yours. He lived an hour away and would come see me several weekends a month. Unfortunately he was very needy, and I am very...not needy most of the time and it was very hard to comfort him over the internet when what he truly needed was a hug and some cookies. That was the hardest part to me. I'm pretty independent and was able to make the most of our time together but he was still very ...not really immature but he wasn't experienced with relationships. There were many more things wrong between us though; I could have handled the distance but couldn't handle the other stuff.

Thanks guys, it's just...sigh.

The other day she went to his part with a bunch of her friends and stuff, and now I see the pictures on facebook, it wasn't really "leaning" at all, one guy had his head practically right at her chest, and hand on her stomach, and another guy she was leaned up to and he had his arm around her.

It's just... I try to talk to her and she says I can't control her and stuff and that I'm being jealous and trying to hold her back and stuff, and I just.. I thought cuddling was supposed to be special and things lovers do.. and I mean. It just, it hurts. Especially that she thinks nothing is wrong with it.

I don't know, I just miss her. I love her, but I don't know what to do. I upset her a lot when i bring this stuff up, and she cries sometimes and I just hate it. I hate that I hurt someone I love so much, especially when I'm not even wanting to

If you're reading this Willow I'm sorry. About everything. I'll do anything to fix stuff, and have us close again.

I really miss you.

And I really, really love you.

Goodnight.