AWKWARD ZOMBIE

why did the chicken cross the road?
to ejaculate cocaine

Thats one hell of a payload

talk about a cheddar shot

Sometimes when I sit for a long time (like on a plane) my junk winds up a bit numb

It's a surprisingly pleasant feeling

(I'm on a plane right now)

Cutting off blood circulation to your junk is generally not a good thing

There's really no saying when your junk might become active. You could just be sitting there, reading a non-erotic piece of literature when you're parts decide to start acting up.

It's a heavy burden.

Commonly referred to as a NARB, No-Apparent Reason Boner.

you haven't REALLY lived if you've never gotten a boner from someone just sitting on your lap

Ouch that was super close thi morning.
Mom almost caught me playing the one armed bandit. Goodthing I had a blanket over myself and also thanks Vista for having a minimize all option.

Last night I dreamed that I gave someone a blowjob. It was incredibly vivid considering I've never done so before. I even remember the taste. It was probably the most sexually charged dream I've had.

And now I really wanna do it for real.

one time a girl sat on my lap when I didn't even have a boner and was like "woah I can feel your penis"

protip don't sit so close to the crotch if you don't want awkward penis feeling

here's how you sit on a lap without potential boner-issues and also general rules for not coming onto someone with your booty on they's dick

step one) don't sit on the dick

step two) sit slightly farther down, on the middle of the legs

step three) feel proud that you no longer have to worry about feeling the boner you just caused, and that you have saved the guy who's lap you currently reside on some embarrassment even though dude's probably gonna pop one anyways and get worried you'll notice but whatever that's not avoidable

here's how you sit on a lap because you're coming onto the dude with your booty on they's dick

step one) put your booty on they's dick

step two) there is no step two

Lap-sitting boners are totally avoidable

nah they chase you so you can't escape

Why don't you just sit on their leg or something
Why the whole booty and theys'ses dick.