AWKWARD ZOMBIE

How so?

Because some of you sound so objectifying, you say you want a relationship but you never care whom its with.

It just sounds so much like owning someone so you can have someone to have some hot dickings with and someone to cuddle at night, but not caring whom its with and their feelings and such.

If I wanted a relationship I'd want it with a someone, not just want a relationship to be in one.

In all honesty i only fall for people i've actually spent a lot of time talking with. Appearance is completely secondary, as long as we can have fun and actually enjoy each others company.

Personality is great, but physical attraction is equally important to me.

I'm sorry if you find that 'objectifying'.

EDIT: What the fuck am I apologizing for

I have preferences

deal with it

Semi-emotional exposition incoming

I actually really agree with you (I hope I wasn't one of those people you were talking about). When I asked about what makes a person attractive a page or two ago, I was actually looking more for the kind of person that is attractive instead of physical traits, but I figured they would play a role too so I included that in there. I didn't expect so much "Well my perfect girl/guy looks like this." I didn't really say anything because hey, I asked and I got honest answers.

And I didn't really think that you guys were as objectifying as it seems, because we're just so trained from childhood on what a "perfect" person looks like and how much appearance matters in everything. I don't honestly believe that you guys would date someone solely on appearance, but I could be wrong, who knows, maybe I just don't want to think it's all about appearance because honestly I don't fit most people's description of what a "hot" girl looks like. I want to believe that people actually COULD be attracted to me because of my personality. Once that's there, it would be nice if they could say "Oh well now that I know who she is, I can also say that she's physically attractive." But honestly that shouldn't matter, it just does, whoops society.

For me its always the enotional bond comes first, but I always worry that the person I've bonded with will put me in the "Doesn't fit the description of the object I want" category, because I know so many people who do that. I just really don't understand what goes on in people's minds when they spend so much time with someone, they have so much in common, they really enjoy each other's company, and then when asked they turn around and say "Oh I'm just not attracted to them, I don't think I could be in a romantic relationship with them."

No, it's more the fact that we don't judge people based on appearances or first impressions if we want to give them an honest shot. We care who it's with, we care about the person it's with too. It isn't "I'm just gonna take the first woman to drop a hint".


Ever hear the phrase "love is a two-way street"? No? Probably cause I quoted it wrong. That doesn't make it any less true; relationships only truly work out if both people are satisfied. If one goes the route of "I own you, you're my object" then it'll quickly degenerate.


Don't we all?

If I misinterpreted anything then let me know so I can promptly drown myself

If I mat defend myself the smallest bit, I was actually talking specifically (but vaguely) about a person in whom I'm actualy interested.
It's just be dumb and cliched for me to say "yeah they've got to be a person I fall for" even though that's really my only criteria - I have feelings for someone and becaue o that... I have feelings for them. Physical attraction is just kind of present in the background.

Most people here mentioned that they need both looks and personality when being in a relationship with someone. Some people decided to just talk about what physical attributes they like. That doesn't mean you should make assumptions about what they want.

I was sort of running with the idea that the question asked was about physical attractiveness. Who would honestly want a significant other who was dumb? And of that subset of people, who would be willing to admit it?

I've found that the special ones become more physically attractive the more you know them. You stop associating their physical flaws or gifts with aesthetics and start associating them with the person. Happens to me with ringtones as well.

I mean, I did list looks first, but that was because I thought I'd include it in case it wasn't all about personality or their habits or what have you.

It is interesting to see that many interpreted it that way first, then the rest (sort of) came later. Perhaps its all in my wording, though.

All of those things without a personality or a person behind it to share it with isn't anything. I personally don't want a possession I dumped my last gf because she wanted me to use her like one (among other things)

Now that I think about it, the more I talk to someone I like, and if I end up liking them more, the more attractive they end up being physically to me.
Eh, I dunno.
On Topic: I reconnected with an old friend recently, and she seems really nice. Maybe some time in the future I may ask her out, I dunno yet.

May I remind people that it's completely ok to be physically attracted to another person.

It is also, in fact, important to be physically attracted to another person. And that's not just a societal thing either. It's important because a) the first thing you know about a person when you meet them is how they look, and how what they look like makes you feel. If a person is going out with someone who, let's say, is somewhat heavy-set or something. It's not necessarily that they're "looking past their appearance and loving their personality" because that would imply that it is bad to be more heavy-set or something. It could easily mean that that person is attracted to that kind of body type. I'm just saying; you can go for personality and personality alone all you like, but if you find the person physically revolting, it's probably not gonna go too well for you.
b) The fact of the matter is, the importance of physical attractiveness is hardwired into our brains. Male and female alike. We all look for what we find attractive in other people when it comes to forming relationships (romantic or otherwise). This isn't a shameful or shallow thing. It's just the way it goes. Obviously the degree of importance it has in people varies, but it's still there. People mentioned earlier that, as you grow more connected to another person, they may seem more attractive. I also find this true myself. I just want to remind people that it's not wrong to judge another person based on looks. It's good to judge on both looks and personality, but it's not so great to judge solely on one or the other, ESPECIALLY if you're doing it simply because of some sort of moral ideal or shallow expectation.

So I've been doing a lot of soul searching and stuff on what downtime I've had the past few weeks and I feel more confident in saying that, at the very least, I don't feel sexually or really romantically attracted to females. It's kinda hard to explain, but while I enjoy friendship with females... I feel like that's the extent of it. I do feel like I value my relationships with my male friends a bit more (though to be fair, I seem to have fewer of them), and my next step is to figure out whether that extends into romantic/sexual feelings in general or what my specific preferences would be.

I can't help feeling awkward around one of my friends though. We're really close and we're essentially the "parents" of our group of friends. He's the dad that doesn't take shit from anyone and will lay into them as he sees fit, and I'm more of the stereotypical mom that worries too much, is always there to talk about feelings, and give a good chewing out when someone is being dumb or hurting one of my friends. We've effectively been shipped for years by the others in our group, and we've kinda accepted it, but I feel like things would get weird if I did eventually come out. Some of my friends thinks he might be gay or bi as well but won't say it in case I feel weird about it, and it took forever for me to accidentally let slip around him that I was questioning. I feel like if I do come out, I might have to reassure him that I don't have feelings for him so that things don't get weird.

And to complicate matters, I'm not sure that I'm not attracted to him.

Augh, why is this so frustrating to figure out what is actual feelings and what is stupid over analyzing bullshit?

i knew a guy who was dating a girl who was...bodaciously dumb. and he liked it. and willing admitted it. this guy is incredibly intelligent yet he enjoyed having a girl who was dumber than a brick as a partner because he thought it was "cute" and she was "hot so it's ok"

so to answer the question, a person who would honestly want an so who was dumb, and would willingly admit it is a giant fucking douchebag. which is what this guy was.