AWKWARD ZOMBIE

Granted, but whatever you put the batteries in explodes and your batteries are all over the floor and ceiling now. And you can't reach it.

I wish my retarded scanner worked.

Granted, you get a job as a Crash Test Dummy.

I wish my Wiimotes Worked Now.

Granted, the wouldn't work later.

I wish I could lose 30 pounds.

Granted, you lose 30 pounds worth of bones in your legs, and possibly arms. Your legs snap and you can barely pull yourself across the floor to get to the phone.

I wish this muffin actually tasted like chocolate.

Granted, but it tastes like the... other... chocolate.

I wish I had a Shiny Stone in my Platinum.

Granted, but since it's a bug and you saved and turned the game off, you turn it back on to find nothing. daisies, bud. Shoulda just went ahead and used it.

I wish I had a fancy DSLR camera.

Granted, but you drop it and the shell opens, revealing it to be an old, cheap camera.

I wish you guys would STOP BREAKING ALL MY GOD daisies WII STUFF. I DON'T WANNA BE STUCK WITH A DS AND A PS2 THE REST OF MY LIFE.

Granted. YOU break the Wii parts.

I wish I had some beef jerky.

Granted, but it gets stuck in your teeth, and no matter what you do, YOU CAN'T GET IT OUT.

I wish I was a master chef.

Granted, but a kitchen accident leaves you with no hands and only half of your right big toe.

I wish I could visit St. Louis one more time.

Granted, but you get on the wrong plane when you leave. The plane gets highjacked, and they throw you off it. Your Body lands right next to me.
*lives in St.Loius*

I wish I could find the comics for today.

PAGE GET!

Granted, you find the comics but they are all terrible slapstick comedy and you end up never laughing again except at physical violence like someone getting shot in the butt.

I wish my fingernails weren't messed up.

Granted you no longer have fingers at all, good luck scratching your self.


I wish i could afford new games.

Granted, but there games for systems you don't have.

I wish I could beat Blizzard Man's stage in MM6.

Granted, but now you suck at everything else.