AWKWARD ZOMBIE

Alright, time shenanigans or not, we're doing this man, we're MAKING THIS HAPPEN.
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> A steady
"thunk thunk thunk"
is heard on the cliffs of Isla Del Guerrero. We follow the beat to a gangly young man strolling along, hatchets hanging from his belt loops, head encased in pumpkin. A frightening visage is carved into it, a red glow emanating from within. Exactly where he's going, no one's sure, but before him lies two paths, one further along the stony cliffs and the other into the jungle.

What path do you choose?

> Into the jungle.

>You continue your leisurely stroll into the tropical trees. The trees and various smaller plants grow thicker with every step, but nothing can halt your saunter of madness. There's a cacophony of animals, birds and deer and whatever, screeching and cawing to get out of your way. The path soon gets lost in the underbrush and you're left standing in the middle of the jungle.

What do you do now?

>Do what your pops always told you to do, Start swinging your hatchets!

>Your pop's voice rings clearly inside your pumpkin.
"Boi, if you ever find yourself caught in an international fighting tournament, start swinging hatchets. Don't ever stop, just keep swinging."
His words echo in the hollow pumpkin. You grab your hatchets and begin some emergency deforestation, ecosystem be damned. You cleave through anything at eye level, eventually leaving a sizable skylight for the jungle. Mt Leon looms from the right, but a pillar of black smoke rises from the left.
Which path do you choose?

>Go towards the pillar of smoke.

>You head towards the smoke, slicing through any trees that dare oppose you. You begin to hear the sound of crashing waves as you approach the smoke. You stop suddenly, your hatchet halfway through a tree splashed with blood. You try to investigate it but there's a sudden rush of movement around you, people charging through the underbrush.
What do you do?

>Get the materials necessary to make yourself a pair of fancy peopleskin gloves. By that I mean that killing them all and eating their internal organs.

>You ready your hatchets but as soon as they surround you they're gone, glints of metal and the faint stench of alcohol fading into the jungle. You stand unsure of what to do next when a thunderous boom sounds from the direction of the smoke.
Will you pursue the rogues into the jungle or continue following the spiraling tower of smoke?

>Follow the rogues. Getting some gloves is important right now, since your last pair of gloves broke, when you decided to choke that lady who just had to keep clicking her pen and clicking her pen and clicking her pen and clicking her pen and clicking her spine and clicking her vertebrae and- Just follow the rogues.

Robot, I like you.

>You run in attempt to follow the roguish gentlemen. You begin catching up to them, the stench of alcohol growing ever stronger. You see glints of metal up ahead, probably from some sort of blades they carry. The ground begins to slope downward causing you to gain speed rapidly. You lose control and tumble down the gradient, falling into a crumpled heap at the bottom of the hill. You get back to your feet and dust yourself off. You hear voices not too far off.
What do you do from here?

>Follow the voice and make the source bleed.

>You follow the source of the voice. The voice becomes clearer and louder with each step, eventually you can make out some of the stuff they're saying.
"I can't believe we lost them, they're just a bunch of drunks!"
"Where the hell did second squad get to?"
"Stow it, both of you. I'm picking up something on radar."
You duck behind a tree, and peek around it. You find yourself spying on a trio of men clad in what looks like some sort of riot gear, matte black from head to toe, heads encased in glassy obsidian helmets .
What do you do?