My only two real friends hate me now. Well, only one does, the other one has to go along with her because that is what girlfriends do. All because I am new at my job and am having issues with training. I get upset, and she gets territorial. I try to help, she NEEDS NO HELP, and I back off. Later, help is needed, I don't want to help because of earlier. The other day she said she didn't want to be friends with me anymore and a few other hateful things in the office. For the first time in years, I actually broke down crying in public. Bawling and everything, couldn't even make it to the bathroom without the whole crew seeing basically. Their friendships mean so much to me, they were my only true friends, who I could depend on for anything. If something so trivial as getting upset at work is enough to make her say "We're not longer friends", then apparently we weren't as close as I thought. I feel so used, used for a roommate for them when she was having housing issues. Now she is fine at her girlfriend's house, and doesn't want to move anytime soon, so they have no use for me, and she can be as mean as she likes. I'm not sure if that is it, but it sure as heck feels like it. Every relationship I've ever had I have been used in. Used for compliments, help on something(s), to attain a higher goal somewhere else along the line, and more. Once they're done with that, they drop me, either passively or aggressively. It makes it hard for me to open up to people, because I am afraid it will happen again. And every single time I DO open up, it happens over and over. I'm tired of it. I'm tired of always being as nice as possible, and getting tossed aside the second I need something. Oh, I'm having a horrible time at home, and at work and am not in the best mood? No longer friends. I want some affection in return? No longer friends.
I basically was crying all day yesterday after that (after having to put on a 'pop flyin'' face for my employees, crying is the worst thing for them to see, so I hope they didn't notice), bawled to another (half, fairly new)friend and basically ended up severing all connections with her because of it. I just want someone to help me when I need it. I'm always there for people when they need it, even IF they have wronged me. Why can't they do the same? All I really want right now is a real, meaningful hug, but alas, there is no one left to even think about giving me one. ___________________________________________________________________________ My aunt died a couple days ago. My grandma just got back from open heart surgery to find her dead for about a day. She didn't call anyone, got all the police and stuff dealt with before doing that. Her husband had said before that he HATED my aunt, and would slip her pills and kill her if he could. All my grandma is saying it "Oh, you know, the doctors said it could just up and happen like this. Like the doctors said." She was doing a lot better than she had been doing in years. We also had to find out through FACEBOOK. My mom found out her sister had died through FACEBOOK. A passive status from my cousin said "Mom died, today is horrible". My mom is not doing well.
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Tatzel wrote: It really feels like that clementine embodies your life Loth.
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