AWKWARD ZOMBIE

I had a similar experience with the first black person I ever saw.

I went up to him, pointed, and said "mommy, I dont like that color"

...yeah.

when i was young i was convinced boy babies came from boys and girl babies came from girls. i didn't have any brothers so it made perfect sense to me.

I imagined women gave birth by essentially puking out a baby.


The mental image horrifies me to this day.

I thought that they sliced open the woman's stomach and took the baby out.

Kinda like a c-section but without even bothering to try and get it out of the vagina.

the phrase 'get in her pants' or whatever, i always thought of it as extremely bodaciously

like two people trying to fit into one pair of pants

When I was a kid I had a strand of blonde hair on my head, so I pulled it out since it was really weird of it to be there, since I have black hair. I asked my older brother about it, and he said "Oh, darn, we missed a spot". He then told me that I was adopted, and they've been dying my hair black every night when I'm asleep.

I'm glad I was kind of logical then, because I pointed out that they had baby pictures of me from when mom was in the hospital and I was just born. He told me that they were our parent's first girl, but she died in some freak accident. I then pointed out that I have a mole on my left cheek just like mom does, and just like the baby girl in the picture did, and he laughed and said "Oh, yeah, we were pretty lucky to find you. We were afraid we'd have to draw that on too, but no, we just have to dye your hair every night."

I cried and told my mom, and she got mad at me for being dumb.

:O

I have a blonde streak too!

My lil' bro had a reeeeeally long one too.

>mom takes a sip of her pepsi

DRINKIN AN DRIVING

>see a drugstore, named "Joe's Drugs" or something, get mother to confirm drugs are illegal, she assumes I'm talking about illegal drugs.

THEY SELLIN DRUUUGS

I thought women pooped out babies, so when I heard of c-sections and mom told me they went across the front, I thought it was dumb, since they would have to reach all the way through to get to the baby.

For some reason, the fact that babies make women bulge in the front never crossed my mind at that time.

When I was 8 I jumped out of a moving golf cart because my brother was driving it and I wanted to drive it myself.

eeweeweeweeweeweeweeweew

I was a very outspoken and loud child at times and I lived in a predominantly black neighbourhood. More than once I made comments about their skin colour - once even telling a woman her baby was ugly because of its hair. I was just naive and didn't really understand at the time - I never felt any different towards people because they were different colours, it just confused as to why I was pale and they weren't hahaha

In elementary my best friend was black and I got sent home and my mom was sent a note that I had made a very degradingly racist comment to my friend because we were playing a pretending game and I told her she was a different species of dog or whatever and that her species was black and so (in typical dog fashion,) we pretended to not know her and and growled at her and idk i guess someone overheard us??? Like my friend didn't give two shits because she understood but the teachers flipped out about it. That school kind of sucked though - they tried to make my mom put me on ritalin because I got my work done quickly and got bored.

Anyways, I remember pissing off people at Wal-mart once, but in that case, it was their fault.

Mom always told me I couldn't eat anything in the store. She told me it was because we weren't allowed to open anything until we bought it (somewhat true, but most places don't care if you open something as long as you end up paying for it). Really, she said that so I wouldn't get into something and end up accidentally spilling it/getting my fingers sticky.

We got to the checkout and it was a long line. The family in front of us though were acting weird, and they were sneaking bites of bananas (which you can't eat in the store because they're sold by weight) and dropping the peels on the ground, basically trying to eat and not pay for it (though, why they didn't do that over by where they sold bananas, where they wouldn't get caught as likely, I'm not sure)

So I announce loudly to my mom:

"Why do those people get to eat bananas without paying for them and I can't have some hot tamales?"

The guy behind the checkout looked over, and saw that the family was eating the bananas, and the manager was called out to deal with them. The mom glared at me and my mom gave her a death glare. Meanwhile, I still wanted an answer to my question.

It wasn't until a few years later when my mom brought it up that I knew what they were doing and why the mom got mad at me, since I just thought she was one of those "Shut your goddamn kids up, I don't want to listen to it" kind of person.

I used to think that "sleeping with someone" wasnt about sex, but just meant sleeping in the same bed as someone.

Over the years I had learned that sleeping with a sibling was frowned upon, so I was very upset one time when my family was staying in a hotel and I was forced to share a bed with my sister.