AWKWARD ZOMBIE

I swear some day Vaxxid is going to start sitting outside your window.

Start?

Important thing for adults here: make sure you are sexually compatible with your partner. That is really, really important. And being sexually compatible is not about having sex all the time; it's about both your sex drives, kinks, preferences, etc. Don't date a masochist if inflicting pain makes you squeamish, don't date someone who'd rather read a book than have sex if you want to have sex all the time.

You don't have to be 100% compatible with your partner, but you should more or less match up, or be willing to try new things. And don't be afraid to tell your partner what you like, what feels good, what doesn't, etc. If your partner knows what you like and vice versa, you can have good sex and a stronger relationship.

Also always use protection.

I've heard that you shouldn't spend a lot of time which whoever you are dating a lot. I really don't get it.

Seems a tad counter-productive.

The best relationship advice I have ever received came from a good friend of mine. He said "Until you're comfortable with being alone, you're not ready for a relationship."

Second best relationship advice i have to offer is that the most important relationship one can have is with themselves.

masturbating

Always keep your hand soft. Put a glove filled with vaseline on your hand.

Also, don't let your girlfriend/wife mingle with the mentally challenged. They might die.

Stay classy.

Try not talking about anything too personal or anything that revolves around bodily fluids too much. Take it slow.

That is, unless he starts talking about it first.

Don't lie to them.
If your really interested in her, put her before your friends (not totally, just if she's not in your friendgroup you could say to your friends "sorry i can't come out today I'm going to the cinemas with Brock from Cockfighting Society/gf" or w/e)

you cannot lie enough

it is the key to all successful relationships

Don't ever neglect your friends for your girl/boyfriend. If he or she expects you to she's obviously not right for you. I've never had a relationship where Sailor Moon didn't get along great with my friends and I can't imagine it any other way.

I would also highly recommend not dating longtime friends. As much as you think you know about someone, you don't know everything, or even most of what they are like sometimes. I'm not saying your friends are horrible people in secret, but they may surprise you, and if it ends up not working out, you don't want to ruin a good friendship.