AWKWARD ZOMBIE

I need to drum up a band fast!

What did the street light say to the Zebra?

Don't look now, i'm changing!


I found this on the inside of a bubblegum wrapper.



*sob*

Ohh, I see.

Where on earth are there zebras near street lights?

How many sopranos does it take to change a lightbulb?
Possible answers include:

None; they just get the altos to do it for them.

Just one; she just has to grab on to the lightbulb and the world revolves around her.

Thirty-three; one to change the lightbulb, and thirty-two to say, "Isn't that a little high for you?"



And don't get me started on dead baby and Hellen Keller jokes.

What do you call a black doctor?
[spoiler]A doctor, you racist.[/spoiler]

I have a rollercoaster named after me
[spoiler]Everyone says im the best ride[/spoiler]

What do you call an elephant crossed with a rhino?

[spoiler]Hell if I know![/spoiler]
___


So a pirate walks into a bar, okay, and swaggers up to the barkeep and demands a glass of rum. I believe his exact words were "Your rum or your life, dog, what'll it be?".

And so the bartender, being a reasonable fellow, makes no complaint but simply grabs a large glass, a bottle of fine dark rum, and begins to pour. And while he's waiting for the glass to fill (this being, as I said before, a large glass) he sizes up the pirate, having never seen a real honest-to-God pirate before.

This pirate is in full pirate gear. Gold earrings, patch over the eye, a big filthy white blouse covering his swarthy chest, tattoos everywhere, all of it. But protruding from his pirate trousers is the unmistakable form of a steering wheel.

Well, the bartender sees that the glass of rum is just about topped off, so he passes the glass across the bar to the pirate, who nods curtly and takes a huge swig of the rum. Slapping a dubloon on the bartop, he turns to walk away, when our bartender's curiousity gets the best of him.

"Wait, one second. What's up with the steering wheel?"

And the pirate turns back and fixes him with a beady glare from his lone eye. "Arrr, I don't know, but it's drivin' me nuts!"
___


What are Super Mario's favourite type of pants?

[spoiler]Denim denim denim.[/spoiler]

Yeah, it took me a while to get that last one - this should help.

how do you get an elephant of the free way?

you take the R out of "free" and the F out of "way"

I often tell a simple version of that joke(especially when i was a pirate for halloween).

A pirate walks into a bar and orders a drink. The bartender notices there's a steering wheel hanging from his belt right in front of his pelvis, so he asked "Hey- What's that steering wheel doing there?"

And the pirate replies "Garrr, it's driving me nuts!"

8D

Two guys and a girl got shipwrecked in an island. Being teenagers they decided it would be fun to have sex every day until they were rescued. Eventually the two guys started to feel bad and decided to bury the girl.

... :awesome:

Oh Gawd, I lost.

How do you have a party in outer space?
[spoiler] You plan-et.[/spoiler]

.....That's the funniest joke I have ever made on this forum so far.

I wondered why the ball seemed to be getting bigger. Then it hit me.