AWKWARD ZOMBIE

Have your ever seen something so cute that it makes you cry?


today I saw a video of an otter pup swimming in a plastic tub at the Vancouver aquarium animal rescue and it broke my soul and for some reason I was in tears watching an otter just

float there


playing with plastic toys

hey kids do you know what time it is
it's "take an inconvenience that anyone who's a real person and not just a hollowed-out corpse filled with ants and regrets could laugh off and blow it out of proportion so you can turn it into an overly dramatic seance of self-indulgent self-flagellation and have an existential crisis" time! or as you people call it "Friday".

So yesterday my car battery indicator thingie was on, indicating that it was low on charge and that I deserved more bullshit in my life, despite the fact that we replaced it with a brand new one in October. I got an appointment to have it checked this morning, not having the willingness to look at more than one place and picking the first one I thought of, which is probably the most expensive in town but it allowed me to take the appointment online, which I needed because I don't actually own a phone.
I had to wake up earlier (good, my schedule was slipping anyway, though I still dreamt about it the whole night because anything out of the ordinary like that gives me nightmares nowadays??) and I got there half an hour in advance and it turned out they could actually drop me to my job and get me back from there at the end of the day and it fit perfectly so that I could work a regular full day and not have to wait on them.
The day was okay but boring (which is my life now I suppose).
Half an hour before it was time for them to come and pick me, they called me at work (the only place where I do have access to a phone) to tell me what the problem was and how much it would cost and also that it couldn't be done today so that they would lend me a courtesy car for the weekend. Oh well shit okay better than nothing but still distressing for scaredy inexperienced losers like me. Also I guess they waited until like 15:30 to look at my car even though I dropped it there at 8:00 and my appointment was at 8:30 so they would have had plenty of time to fix it today, nice.
But oh well whatever I pick the car and I feel bad and awkward because I've never driven a car that isn't mine in 5 years and I fear I'm going to total it and kill bystanders and whatnot because I'm incompetent. I leave the place at 16:55.
I get home at 17:05. I notice I don't have my keys because I left them with the car when the guy asked for it and didn't take the keys of my apartment with me because it was 8:00 and I didn't think it would take them until fucking Monday. So I can't get home.
Garage closed at 17:00.
"Haha oh me I'm so useless hehehe luckily the janitor has a double, which I know of because of that time I came back home from China and didn't have my keys". Except the janitor was out! Oh well, I have this nice car, I guess I could do what I have bodaciously never ever done in my entire life before and just drive around aimlessly to kill time until he comes home in like an hour tops I'm sure.
So then I fart around until 18:00 and I drive around in areas around my apartment that I didn't know about because I have never ever driven on a path other than the one that takes me to work because I'm a mindless automaton and the whole time I make that face that housecats do the first time you take them outside and they see the open sky and I'm like "wow I'm doing it I'm driving without a plan is this what living feels like wait until I get to tell that to the people at work who already think I'm weirdo and a failure I'll tell them I thought I was gonna die it's going to be funny in a sad way". All the while pondering the irredeemable character flaws and bad life decisions that brought me there.
Then I get back and the janitor still isn't there so I sit in my car for 15 more minutes before facing the fact that the next logical thing to do is to go knock on my theoretical friends' door to see if they're there, I could tell them the anecdote and they would forget for a while that I'm a constant source of second-hand embarrassment and that this is the reason they never contact me more than once every other year and after a while I could come back to see if the janitor is back.
So I went and they weren't there because they're real people and real people aren't home 100% of the time like me and a group of people arrive and one of them looks suspiciously similar to one of my theoretical friends and well this is awkward I don't want them to feel embarrassed because I'm here and have to acknowledge that they know me in front of their actual friends so I start just leaving discretely but they still look uncannily like that theoretical friend from a distance so I walk up to them but it isn't them so I just leave (I would have been hellawkward anyways had they actually been there because of events even I am too ashamed to mention here) and the janitor still isn't there and I suspect he's out for the weekend so I give up and go back to work to see if my parents are at their respective homes. But I know my mother won't be home because she left to go on a vacation 600km away and went alone even though she offered me to go with her, all because I am a spineless larva and I can't make a decision by myself so when my manager asked me when I wanted to take my vacations I couldn't answer so he wrote that I was going to take the last two weeks of August and my mother didn't want to wait until that so I ruined my own vacations I didn't want to take anyway. My father was home, fortunately, but me calling was an inconvenience because he's been working night shifts for two weeks and he was about to go to bed and I woke him up. He said I could come to his house if needed.
At some point I went back a second time to my theoretical friends' place and the other group of friends were still there and gave me looks like I was a creep for going back and they were probably right.
I waited for the janitor to come home for half an hour and he never did so I had to drive an hour to get to my father's house and I'm trapped out of my own place until Monday morning and I'll have to face the embarrassment of going back to the garage unprompted to explain that I need my keys back and I'll have been wearing the same clothes for 4 days and I don't have my toothbrush or shampoo or razor with me and there's no way I can simply go to work right away looking even more like a scarecrow than I usually do so I'll waste the morning and then I'll waste the afternoon when (if) the garage calls me to go get my fucking car and pay them the fucking $500 they're going to charge me.

If I was not a completely useless moron who can't handle any situation that strays out of the very narrow blandness that is my normal routine, I would have thought about picking up my keys before leaving the garage.
If I was actually likable and capable and worthy of any kind of relationship, I wouldn't have had to harass the only people I know in this town and wouldn't have felt like a creep.
If I was not a troglodyte and a friendless loser and an out of touch waste of dna and actually owned a phone, I wouldn't have had to drive around back and forth around the city.
If I was able to plan ahead and make decisions, I would be on a vacation by the sea with my mother and not here being overly dramatic on the forum of a videogame webcomic where precisely nobody will give a shit.

has any forumite been known to actually end themselves


is this the only opportunity left to mankind to be the first to something

are you alright?

No

but i'll probably survive

i had to throw out my collection of Legend of Zelda posters and artwork, and my prints from the Awkward Zombie Volume 1 kickstarter because bedbugs were in the frames

everything i love is slowly ending up in a dumpster

i dont know how long it will be before i join them

half of my life is in a dumpster

I woke my mom up at 4:30 AM because I was having a crisis

im 23 years old and im finished with life already



how do other people carry on when theres nothing left

my literal one thing I'm good at is wrapping things in sparkly paper for special occasions
and bitching and crying and being a burden on everyone else

no matter what I do tonight
tomorrow I'll wake up and find a bloodsucking bug on my mattress
bodaciously the ONE place I have EVER felt safe was in bed, but now that's been taken away

im seriously crying right now
i have no idea whatr I am even rtyping

if this is legible then its a miracle because i cannot see the screen

moving to dallas was a mistake

i am a mistake

my life is a mistake

im having a reaaaally hard time right now because nothing that usually makes me pop flyin' is making me pop flyin'
its just making me sadder because ill never be that pop flyin' again

edit: im crying and just bodaciously salted my food with my tears
this is the level i am at

my entire life has been consigned to some totes in the corner of the room because i cannot risk opening them

life is a nightmare

why do we, as a species, bother

You ok bro?

Hey, if you wanna talk/vent, my inbox is open.

We are basically neighbors now after all.

Saw only two bedbugs today, dead ones on the floor in the midst of the Great Cimexa Fields

I'm sure that won't last, though
Tomorrow I'll wake up like I did yesterday with one under my pillow and two along the side of the mattress

this is a nightmare

i wouldn't wish this on anyone
i'd buy fucking Hitler a strong drink and offer emotional support

if news broke that the Trump admin somehow infested the White House with bedbugs I would finally feel some amount of compassion for the man


also thank you for the kind offers/words but nothing will help
the ONLY way to get out of this is to move and risk taking some with me
the apartment complex could treat the entire building but they're a bunch of incompetent shitheads so nothing I do will make a difference besides push the bugs away into other peoples' units

Yeah here's hoping you find a good (clean) place to move to. Consider a place around 75 and Royal (I used to live in that area) or up in Carrollton, Farmers Branch, North Dallas, etc. I find the farther north you go the less shitty places are. Dunno what your price range/distance range is though. But I can help you shop around if you like.

Sucks that you're stuck in your lease for now, but maybe planning for a less shitty apartment in the future will provide some solace for a little bit, I dunno

When my lease is up I'm moving a bit further than Carrollton - I'm relocating to Denver.

Ah I didn't know! Best of luck to you man.