AWKWARD ZOMBIE

Went to visit my extended family, which was fun, but they all kept saying how much I'm starting to look and act like my dad did

Sometimes I wish he wasn't so deeeeeeeeeead

... that is incredibly sad. :C

Everyone says I look like my mom. That coulda changed in fifteen years. They, let alone me, have seen a picture of her since I was dumped with my grandparents.
I also feel sad about my mommy issues.

I've been struggling with suicidal thoughts for months and I don't know how to make it stop
Surprisingly I actually haven't attempted, but I think that's because every time I start to feel serious about trying I think about how much it would hurt my family (especially my mom), so I just try to ignore my thoughts and distract myself with hobbies.
I've dealt with depression in general for my whole life, but every treatment method I've tried hasn't worked. Therapy was a waste of time, and anti-depressants just made me worse.
I just want to be pop flyin' but at this point I don't think that's possible. Sometimes I start to feel better, but then I'm reminded that many aspects of myself are commonly hated by society in general (disabilities, depression, etc.) and I end up sad again

I'll probably end up deleting this since I end up feeling like an attention whore whenever I talk about this

Why do you think you feel like that, winchester? like, what sparked all these thoughts? or is it just a general thing that everything make you think of it?

Side note, Im reallz both rustled and depressed I cant enter the kitchen here without almost having a nervous breakdown.

Don't do it Winchester, there's always a better way out. Have you talked to anyone IRL about this? On the side, you're definitely not an attention whore for bringing this up.

I have talked about it with my mom, and she does care, but she doesn't want me to talk about it with anyone else because we're afraid I'll be hospitalized or something.


I think it's just everything about me in general. I've been trying over the past few years to become independent but I haven't been able to, due to circumstances that are, for the most part, outside of my control. I'm going to be getting treatment soon for my disabilities so I can cope with it better, but I guess since my attempts at improving myself have been mostly useless, I don't have a whole lot of hope.
I just try to focus on things that I enjoy and my loved ones in order to keep myself going, but as I get older it's becoming harder because I often wonder if I'll ever be independent

Thank you guys

How old are you,Win? That could play into getting your independsnce.

I'm 21

I finished watching the LGBT documentary called "Paris is Burning" and it was released in 1990 and like omg at first it was quite light hearted and stuff but then it's revealed at the end that one of the performers died whilst filming it and it was so sad because just before they were talking to her about her dreams and she was saying how she wanted to be a star and so on and it just made me sad.

also i looked up the other main stars in it and they all died shortly afterwards too, mainly from AIDS related diseases and i just couldn't help but think about their struggles in life when most of them died, at the latest, in their late 20's (or if they survived to grow to a bit older, their dreams were crushed)

watching when olympians do badly. then they cry and it's just so awful because they've worked so hard and they messed up.

I'm trying to get in touch with a friend; it should be super easy because I'm just sending tumblr messages, but I've sent like three and haven't heard back.

At this point it's unlikely that none of them went through, but I know she isn't the sort who'd deliberately ignore me, but I also can't explain the lack of a response?
It's making me even more worried that my friends are starting to dislike me.

Why am I such a nervous wreck about this?

EDIT: Ha, of course the response comes while I'm typing this. Looking back, it's never not happened.

There was a really pretty girl at work last night, so we danced (I work at an interactive show) and then talked for like 30 minutes after the show. I really liked her but I didn't have the nerve or anything to ask for her number.

Then that same night I had a dream about her and it was nice and I woke up pop flyin' but then I quickly realized I'll probably never see her again so I've been sad for the rest of the day.

If only I had asked her...

After some shenanigans with a friend not wanting to talk to me, I'm again having doubts about whether or not any of my friends really like me.

Rationally, I know at least some of them do, but it's still so easy to worry.

I was looking forward to barbecue today, but the weather is looking like poop.