AWKWARD ZOMBIE

Your mother's an entirely different can of worms as well.

You're a grown booty woman, your mother can't ban you from seeing someone. She's got problems.

my mom's banned me from dating entirely because she says i'm autistic and too vulnerable and she didn't like the guy who asked me out

What are you doing.
Nachal, you need to figure out your own issues before you can take on someone else's. I get that whether you realize it or not, you're probably trying to make up for a shitty support network at home, but for your emotional health and possibly personal safety, you need to stop desperately clinging to this idealized romance that you're frantically chasing. Wait until you have a good, SOLID network of platonic friends who you can look to for advice and non-romantic emotional support, rather than diving headfirst and putting all your emotional investment haphazardly into one (or occasionally a second) person. And saying "Oh, I have lots of Steam friends" does not necessarily count as this, unless you have people that you can consistently rely on and have personal conversations with. Neither does this thread. I mean, we want what's best for you, but I don't know that any of us are particularly close to you.

It doesn't help that you keep brushing off most suggestions with "but but but we r really in luv". You are not a silly teenager who can almost get away with that behavior. You are a young woman who needs to learn how to look out for herself, because her parents did a shitty job of teaching her how. I know that you are intelligent, and you have a sense of justice that is very important to you regarding feminism and racism, and other similar social issues. So why don't you apply that sense of justice and social freedom to your own well being? Is being tied down to a male who (I'm not trying to bitch, but,) given your track record, is going to turn out to be a complete douche to you and condescendingly and immaturely voice his disagreements with you on these core issues really so important to you?

Find your own threads of confidence, strength, intelligence, sense of justice, and interests to build the emotional fabric that is your identity. Borrow and intertwine one or two of your threads with as many people as you need, and add more color and support to your own fabric. That is fine, and wonderful to share small amounts of yourself with good friends. But if your own fabric is threadbare already, trying to hem your fabric onto your romantic interest's fabric isn't going to keep you much warmer. Even if their fabric looks like the threads will be such a pretty color in yours, leading to a few really good moments in that otherwise threadbare and (to you) bland existence, the few threads that you will be allowed to borrow and trade at first will not necessarily fit into your pattern, nor will the colors keep you warm. You can really only be completely secure by building up your threads of identity yourself, which you have already started doing with the hobbies and interest in social issues, but you need to work on the more threadbare portions of your fabric. Then you can work on making hems and then turning those hems into seamless interweaving. Make your own cloth as brilliantly patterned and warm as you want it to be before you start worrying about permanently coordinating with someone else's.

Yes, crushes and early stages of dating feel nice and it can be fun to know that someone's interested in you. But that fun soon fades if one or both parties aren't up to the emotional obligation.



EDIT: An army of comments sprang up while I was trying to word this, so it's not relevant in the same way, and your mother is far too selectively controlling, I"ll agree. And being autistic doesn't mean you shouldn't date. There are plenty of autistic people who have successful, fulfilling marriages. But my above reasons are why I think most people here will agree that you should wait a while before you try dating.

i have a crush on a german guy who's going to study to become a nurse one day and he's really cute and my type but i'm being really slow about it and i'm focusing on getting my reptile qualifications and college at the moment more than him which i think is good

Yes. This is very good. Also, I'm not one for animal/biology studies, so what would these Reptile Qualifications entail, and what would you use them for? Is it some kind of veterinary thing?

well there's different ones but the one i'm going to do deals with handling and keeping them as pets, etc so i guess that'd help if i ever work in a pet shop which would be nice

Ohhhhhh. That sounds super neat!

Mom won't let boys come over and visit. Mom won't let me go over and visit boys.

Do I have to wait until my mom is dead until I get some freedom?

Or just forget about boys.

Being forced to be single isn't really the solution here, is it? Nach is old enough to make decisions for herself.

Maybe she's old enough in years, yeah. Not to be rude, but I do feel she might not be experienced enough in terms of world experience and independence. She's got a lot of emotional and developmental issues (in part maybe caused by her mom/upbringing, to be fair) and she should probably work on getting those sorts of things sorted out and move out of her house before approaching dating.

Maybe she does need a break, but her mother sounds very controlling.

Also to be fair, we're only hearing about this from Nacha. For all we know her mother could be completely justified in her actions.

a guy fell in love with me and I think I love him back??