AWKWARD ZOMBIE

I had another anxiety attack today and now I'm exhausted.

I decided to transfer colleges because mine is too expensive, isn't what was advertised to me, and I just don't like it. Turns out to cancel my housing costs here for the spring semester, it's 1500 dollars. Utter bullshit. So now I can't even afford to transfer. Guess I'm done with college. I'm gonna find something else to do with my life that won't put me in debt.

Why don't you wait until the end of the semester to transfer? If you drop college entirely you'd probably still have to pay the cancellation fee.

Also, community colleges and cheaper, smaller colleges are usually a much better investment than the big ones, especially if you're paying out of pocket.

I didn't really clarify, but I am waiting until the end of the semester. They're charging me that to cancel my housing for next semester.

And yea, once I get everything paid off, I think I will just go to community college, take some trade classes, and become an electrician. College isn't worth it for me.

Broke down and made a new Skype account. I can't remember all my friends' names, and most of them have some weird foreign text that's impossible to type normally, and the search doesn't recognize them.

And they probably all changed their names by now. I know several who I readded successfully did.

Can't access my Steam since I don't remember what my password for it was, so I can't contact them through that.

I know Microsoft's policy when you forget your password is bullshit, but doesn't Steam let you send it to you email address?
Unless the email address of your Steam account is your lost Microsoft account.

Someone please help me.

I am horrendously bad at any sort of thing with catching or throwing or tests of general athleticism, and it really sticks out when we're throwing frisbees around before Cross Country. I really stick out and they point it out and it turns me of the whole idea. They're cool in every other aspect, but doing that just really sucks.

I just don't know if I can handle being chipper and energetic today.

That's the problem right there.

hate having nightmares.

hate having nightmares about the people I love suddenly turning their back on me. That was my entire last night. woke up in tears.
I'm still kinda shook up about it. I hate dreams..

I hate having those kinds of dreams. They're so traumatizing...

And the person you're sleeping beside violently shakes you awake and for a second you forget and wonder why you're sobbing and sleeping but then you remember
you always remember.

That particular feeling is unfamiliar. I don't share beds.
So I have to go through the whole thing and just suddenly find myself staring at a blurry ceiling.

I don't like those particular moments in a bad dream where I realize it's a dream but Dreamspace doesn't want to reshape itself into something nicer and forces me to forget that I realized it was a dream until I wake up and reflect on everything.

I slept at my boyfriends last night. apparently i was shaking and thats what initially woke him up.


but im okay now.
I kinda dont want to go back to sleep tonight because I seem ot be having a lt of shitty dreams lately, but i cant not sleep.