AWKWARD ZOMBIE

>Disable silent alarm

>Forge all of the shopping carts together TO MAKE MEGA CART.
>proceed to prove your worth by fighting MEGA CART
(Mega Cart was the best name I could think of)

>do all of the above in as AWESOME a manner you can.

> Take MATCHES from the store. They may come in handy later.
> Take CHEESE IN A CAN from the store

>You head over to a SHELF filled with POP-TARTS. You SHOVEL them into your JACKET. You walk them over to the CASH REGISTER, and place them on the COUNTER. You give the CUTE CASHIER those SUGGESTIVE EYEBROWS you love so much. She looks APPALLED. You are about to try your SUGGESTIVE EYEBROWS once more when you notice her CHEST is a bit... LACKING.
>The CUTE CASHIER is a DUDE. You feel HORRIBLY EMBARRASSED.



>You see the CASHIER reaching his arm under the COUNTER. Knowing what is about to happen, you LEAP over the counter, JUDO-THROW the CASHIER to the OTHER SIDE, and then PUNCH THE SHIT out of the SILENT ALARM BUTTON. It is now DISABLED.



>You then LEAP back to the other side of the COUNTER, and attempt to FUSE all the SHOPPING CARTS together into some sort of SHOPTRON. You WHEEL all of them into one CONCENTRATED AREA, and stack them on top of each other. It is BEAUTIFUL.
>You kick it over.
>8000 EXP!
>Level Up!
>Your new RANK: MILDLY ANNOYING GUY WHO WON'T STOP FOLLOWING OTHERS AROUND EVEN THOUGH ITS OBVIOUS THEY DON'T LIKE YOU



>You POCKET a MATCHBOOK, and some CHEESE-WHIZ. God you love CHEESE-WHIZ. It is so awesome. You think it's THE SHIT. In fact, if you do say so yourself, it should be called CHEESE-SHIZ, because SHIZ is GANGSTA for SHIT, and since CHEESE-SHIZ is THE SHIT, it should be called CHEESE-SHIZ.

>Your INVENTORY is now FULL.

>Exit the store and go find a hard boiled adventure

> make a theme song for yourself

>accompany HARD-BOILED ADVENTURE with some film noir background.

>Or alternatively read MS paint adventures.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uGU5H8Oe94E
>Make this song the theme song (even though it's rap)

> Go back to your HOUSE.
> Refer to your house as your LAIR from now on
> Empty INVENTORY in your house, except for your MATCHES and STEAK KNIFE
> Raid an electronics store to find some LAIR equipment

>You exit the GROCERY STORE in search of some manner of HARD-BOILED ADVENTURE, but you can't seem to THINK of ANY



>You choose that song WrathAngerfist posted because it is about being eaten by GRUES.



>Everything becomes GRAINY and MONOCHROME, as if you were in an OLDER MOVIE, and feels very NOIR-ISH. You begin to NARRATE everything in the FIRST PERSON. But the NARRATOR himself is too lazy to, so USE your IMAGINATION.



>You reach your LAIR. You dump the CONTENTS of your POCKETS onto your FLOOR, save the MATCHBOOK and STEAK KNIFE.
>You LEAP from your WINDOW, and LAND on ANOTHER INNOCENT OLD LADY, preserving your LIFE and ENDING hers. You worry that this will become a RUNNING GAG.
>You RUSH to the NEAREST STORE OF ELECTRONICS when you happen upon RADIO SHACK. It is a SHACK shaped like a RADIO. The ARCHITECT thought it would be BADASS, and you decide that you'd have to AGREE with him.

>You ENTER the RADIO SHACK, and ask the nearest EMPLOYEE where to find LAIR EQUIPMENT. He puts a finger to his lips, and says "Shhhh" in a HUSHED VOICE. He LOOKS you STEADILY in the eyes, and asks
>"Batman or Lex Luther?"

>reply BOTH and slap him in the face.

> Purchase a ray gun

>Also purchase a shark with a laser beam attached to its head