AWKWARD ZOMBIE

Yea, I definitely see what you mean there....


hmmm.... now I have to think of something that involves a long adventure with varying landscapes but still allows much excitement with an in depth plot line that still seems somewhat magical, but not to the extent that the story revolves around magic.......

...this is gonna take awhile

Read my first post in this thread. That's a fantasy short story, and it turned out alright. The main character was a bit of a cliche, but it was a new spin on one. Never write anything derrivative, especially if you've been inspired by a video game.

Unless you are writing something like a parody or deconstruction. Then making it derivative is pretty much necessary.

But that's really the only case where it should be.

okay how about this-the story starts out in an inn/tavern, Zang and his friends are all orphans, and the caretaker owns the inn- since they're the oldest they work at the inn. An old man with a messed up eye and a bunch of scars walks in and sits down, starts telling stories of his adventures to other people, mentions far off lands with things that cant be explained. Zang makes a remark to Coran about the man being full of it, and guesses four rounds. The man overhears the part about him lying, and stands up and looks at them "Boy, I've seen things you wouldn't imagine... you're at the corner of the world"
Later on after everyone has gone to bed and they're putting everything up, the sound of a horse screaming comes from the stalls. Zang, Coran, and Flora run over to see whats wrong, "bandits-perfect" a wagon led by four horses bursts from the door. Zang grabs on.
the men seem to take no note of him until he crawls up onto it. the man driving it whistles and another crawls up onto the wagon with a black tipped machete. Zang punches him and his skin gives "what the-" the man's masked face unravels to reveal a black face with sharp teeth and piercing white eyes, he lets out a shriek and knocks him off the wagon.

I stopped reading right there.

I stopped reading right there.

was it better?

Not... really

I stopped reading right there. Proper capitalization is your friend!

well okay, besides terrible writing and grammer

how was the idea? was it too cliche, or original? keep in mind it's just the beginning

The main problem is your characters. That is, you don't seem to have any. There is nothing that shows your characters' personalities. Don't start with a location, or an event, or anything like that. Think of a character. Think really, really hard. They need reasons for everything they do. If you know your characters, then writing becomes much, much easier.

very well, keep in mind it's going to be a comic but nevertheless- extreme revamp:

Chapter 1
"YOU SCRUB THAT TABLE 'TILL IT SHINES, YA RAT!"
It was Mart, the owner- he was a rather fat man, however, he seemed to have muscle, he could hit and throw pretty hard. And a bit of a temper was obvious to anyone who had spent any time around him.
"Okay sheesh..." Zang scrubbed the counter reluctantly, but he did.
Zang could be rather mischievous at times, but he would go out of his way to help someone who needed it. Usually a cheerful person, Mart's angry orders had gotten him a bit bitter today.
"Stupid Mart's freaking fat self telling me what to do, fat a-- 'aughta do it himself, lose a few pounds.." Zang mumbled to himself after Mart had left the room.
"He still mad about us spikin' the tea?" Coran said, putting up glasses into a cabnet. Coran was Zang's long time best friend, he always seemed to be making a long joke or doing something purely because he could and it would be rather hilarious, without any consent of consequences.
"Yea, stupid jerk sure knows how to hold a grudge..." Zang remarked
"I'm telling you, dude, you gotta learn how to cover up better" Coran replied with a smerk.
"If I weren't such a good friend you'd be scrubbin right with me" Zang said, his mood slightly lightened.
"Yea, but then you'd be a snitch, and feel absolutely terrible" Coran jeered. " 'Sides, you know this place wouldn't stay running without us cleanin' it up all the time."
"Good point"
They were referring, of course, to the Ivory Inn, an old wooden building. There were tables set up around the first floor, usually for breakfast and dinner, along with a bar, and an upstairs with rooms for people to stay.
"Flora up yet? We're about to open, and we need someone to wait tables." Zang asked, looking up from his duties.
"I think so, I heard footsteps earlier."Coran replied, scratching his head.
"Hey guys" She said as she walked down the stairs.
"Speak of the devil!" Coran announced cheerfully.
Flora was another of their lifelong friends, and tried her
best to keep the two out of trouble, but failed most of the time.
"Mart's yelling woke me up, I told you not to spike that poor lady's tea" She said, sighing.
"What would be the fun in that?" Zang asked with a smirk.
"Well, for one, you wouldn't be scrubbing counters and tables"
"But, we wouldn't have been able to hear her lovely singing voice."
She chuckled at this. "Yea, that was pretty great, you guys go ahead and set the chairs up, I'll brew the tea."

You need to let the characters' actions speak for them instead of stating their traits. A reader should get to know them slowly as if they were a real person.

I only glanced over it but that was something I noticed.

Show, don't tell. Zang could've stolen food to eat, but then see a small, starved child, and given it to him instead. A very trite, boring and cliched example, but you see what I mean.

Writing wisdom.