AWKWARD ZOMBIE

Yeah, I did yesterday and she told me about he last "best friend" who tried to go out with her and hates her now (cause she went out with his brother)

What does she define as being the main difference between a relationship and a friendship?

Also, she really can't see why her friend would think negatively of her wanting to go out with his brother despite his feelings for her?

Here's the thing though. Being her friend doesn't mean he's gonna get first dibs when she starts dating. While I don't doubt the dude's feelings were hurt, fact of the matter is, she likes someone else. Doesn't matter if it's his brother, thankfully it wasn't his dad.

People have no right to tell others who they can be with. How would you feel if you couldn't date someone you liked and who liked you back because a friend you weren't feeling it for would get butthurt?

Kergan, I really respect and admire that you've asked her about what she'd like from you.

That's not the point of my comment at all. If anything, it takes what you said about "you can't help feeling your feelings" and just applying it to the other side. Imagine if your own crush were to start going out with one of your siblings/close friends. It hurts, and it spawns some extremely negative emotions. Telling people that those negative feelings are "unjustified" because "You're not considering the other person's feelings" is precisely the same as someone saying that they're not allowed to feel positive emotion towards their significant other because it "doesn't consider the other guy's emotions."

Essentially, using the phrase "Well consider their feelings!" is pointless because it's precisely the same as any argument founded in selfishness. You can't make the claim that someone is being selfish without being selfish yourself, because chances are the catalyst of the entire argument is something both parties are trying to be selfish over. You can't say "You're not considering my feelings!" to justify overwriting the other person's own feelings, otherwise you're just as bad as they are.

Well lets all be celibate and forget everything then?

We can agree that one person's feelings don't invalidate another person's feelings. But that is exactly why people have to move on.

Person B has a right to have hurt feelings. But Person B does not have the right to choose who Person A dates. That's never going to be reasonable.

Furthermore blaming Person A is like saying that they belonged to Person B to begin with.

Though it may sound like (I completely agree on that front), my argument isn't really on the front of blaming anybody. It's just to acknowledge that it is, indeed, a shitty situation to be in, regardless of which side your on. Ironically, it's to stop controversial argumentative butthurt between sides.

Thanks a lot, I used to feel a bit dumb for that.

And I can understand her ex-friend's point of view, nobody's really wrong in this story.

I'm still debating on if I'm in a good enough state of mind to start dating again. Don't want to give a 5 paragraph essay on the topic so I'll just say that I didn't have the best childhood and have some flaws in myself I still need to work out. That doesn't mean don't I get lonely at times, I just feel terrible because most of the relationships I've been in, I think I've been the generally worse person in terms of taking things for granted or bringing anything meaningful to the relationship.

There's also the whole actually finding a date thing, which is kind of challenging considering I barely have the motivation to go to work in the morning, let alone keep on top of life.

Broham, I've had the same feeling for like, 2 years now. When you're in your early twenties and you get some soul crushing job it takes the life out of you. A relationship is a commitment all on its own, and if you don't feel like you can bring the proverbial bacon don't do it. Believe me, little stuff can snowball real fast and trash your mood. Sure, you could always say "Well, if they really care they'll be there for me regardless" but you gotta be there too. No one wants a SO with a grumpus in their wumpus more times than not, its a strain on both on a deeper level. When you're young there's a big biological push that makes you feel like you NEED to be with someone but you don't. A good distraction, or working a lot takes that out and yeah, that sounds sad and but that's life. I've been down that lonely road before like any teenager and as you get busier with your life you REALLY start to appreciate that alone or free time you get. When you get a relationship that alone time shrinks even more, so when you DO find someone make sure its someone you're really into. Don't get reckless and let your emotions do your thinking, that's your brains job. I've made that mistake back in high school and regretted it but it was a learning experience. World's not ending tomorrow, life is PRETTY LONG. No rush.

Treat yourself and get yourself right THEN think about adding another body to your life because your own self is more important than anyone else. Ol' Abe Lincoln said it best, a house divided against itself cannot stand. Sure, I GUESS THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE A LITTLE DIFFERENT BUT HEY the meaning is there.

Advice was well worded and will take, 10/10

Apparently people are giving *girl I'm into* shit about her specific relationship with me. For background, we both know we like each other for "official" dating. We know this because of a friend of mine who makes half of his living meddling into the affairs of others, but at least with him, it was asked that he meddle. He was the mediator. Apparently, the "specific relationship" is that she's terrified I don't like her as much as she likes me, which shouldn't be an emotion that exists because, thanks to *mediator* she knows I like her as much as she likes me. I know she knows. At this point, if she doesn't know I know, it's her hangup. That's how meddlesom a mediator he is.

However, that's apparently not enough for the other people in her life, like her friends and relatives. They're apparently giving her shit for me "skipping bases" to where one of us is apparently required to *officially* ask the other out. This thing is that "asking someone out", in the romantic world, is the tool used to cue someone in that you like them. That's already been established. (mediator via mediation) At this point, one of us asking the other out would only serve the purpose of putting HER FRIENDS AND RELATIVES at ease as opposed to producing any real change between the two of us. It's causing stress for her, and it's pissing me off, because if there's one thing I've learned, society knows fuck all about what it itself even wants out of romance...

Seriously, why in the hell is our relationship any business of anyone else...random people on the internet?

People like to look out for the friends, even if they are wrong in thinking the way they do, or maybe they aren't wrong but they've misunderstood.


Maybe if it's bothersome, clear the air with her. Find out what she wants, find out if she wants to officially call your time together 'dating'. That way you guys have decided among yourselves and can tell other people to butt out.

EDIT: Also bring coffee.

Well, I thought I kind of liked a girl I know, but I'm pretty sure I fucked up, so it's pretty irrelevant now. We were playing Smash a couple days ago and she was absolutely kicking my booty. I got pretty fed up and rage quit, then was mad at myself some more for being a dick. And then she asked me what was going on and I explained. She said it's cool and she admits that she was spamming pretty hard and using bullshit tactics, but I still feel like I fucked up pretty bad.

It just sounds like you got mad at video games. It's really not that big a deal, just try not to get mad at video games so often around her, and your friendship will be good.

If she's as avid a gamer as you've led on, she should understand the potential frustration that can be experienced with video games.