AWKWARD ZOMBIE

can one even get zits on the eyelid itself

i don't think there is enough skin to get a pus buildup there

ive had one on the top where it folds back over the eye, it would hurt to blink basically

my mom honestly thinks if i answer the door while i'm wearing shorts or pyjamas the postman will turn into a sex craved maniac and will kick the door down to try to rape me.

I am the Postman, my intent is malicious

I'm about to go postal on your booty.

Dogs have sniffed my crotch on many an occasion and I don't have periods.

i swear i have some kind of natural tan lines

Dogs sniff crotches regardless of your position in the menstrual cycle because that's where your "identifying scents" are, at least to him. it's also the reason why they smell each other's butts. lady parts are generally more ~fragrant~ than man parts which is why it may seem dogs smell you more than your male friends.

Uh... I am a guy btw - I'm not sure if you're confused on that part.

It's usually lady dogs who've taken a headfirst dive into my crotch. On one occasion I was nearly knocked clean off my feet (which was hilarious).

Sometimes I wonder if dogs understand that solid matter can't pass through solid matter.
God daisies it dogs stop getting in my way
Wait that's not TMI umm
Doesn't it feel really awkward when your pet is looking at you while you're masturbating?

you let your pet be in the same room

I cant even get (un)dressed infront of my aunts cat.

D: How do you fap with pets there ?!

Our younger cat (boy) likes to spend time in the shower room and sauna, so sometimes when you're taking a shower, he just appears and chills there

I very nearly had to use methol tissues in lieu of toilet paper. I don't think I could handle that magnitude of booty freshness.

Aunts cat sits guard at the door whwn i get baths.
She also likes to sit at the edge of the tub and lick the water.off my shoulder.

I usually have a little bowl for her in there now that I fill with cold water.