AWKWARD ZOMBIE

Thanks Vax but oh god its such an act i do haha. Internet me nothing short of a douche with a heart of gold but real life me is scared of everything and just says "oh gosh oh geez" a lot.

An update from my battle with depression. I'm doing better but at the same time its still pretty rough. The good news is ill be moving back to Los Angeles at the end of the month so ill be among my actor friends (and living in my old apartment!) so its comfortaing that everything fell into place like that! My only issue now is slowly recovering from my heart getting shit on. Weed has been helping my mind not race as much so sleeping has become a lot easier. When im back in Los Angeles Im gonna try to find a permanent counsoler/therapist to talk about everything with. I also am thinking about seeing a physician to talk about diagnosing my depression and possibly ADHD. I've never considered my mind racing from subject to subject so quickly because i feel like its always helped my comedy but my inability to focus or complete tasks has been pretty detrimental in my schooling and i figure it wouldnt hurt to investigate the possibility!

Anyways thanks as usual AZ LiveJournal. Have a good day <3

I tried playing basketball today in gym class and about two minutes into it, the ball bounced off the goal and hit me in the face. It didn't really hurt, but my first thought after it happened was "This is a perfect metaphor for my whole life. Everything I do ends badly." and for some reason that really bothered me and almost made me have a breakdown. And now I just feel like trash.

I'd give almost anything to be pop flyin' with my life.

Did you ever get into boxing?

I started running and stuff to prepare for it, but since I live in a small town, there's no where to go to actually get into it, so I have to wait until I move to Louisville for college. I mean, I could probably buy some gloves and spar with people around here, but I'd rather do that at an actual boxing gym so that it'd be safer and stuff.

I'm actually feeling better right now. I guess I just was in a rut earlier. I don't know, my emotions are too weird. I've just felt generally bad all week, and I think the thing making it worse is that it's been a while since I've felt like this, so I thought I was through with it and it just kinda caught me off guard.

yeah fair enough, keep it professional. You can always just do the drills they make Ippo do XD


Everybody has rough days/weeks/months (hopefully not years) So long as they remember it's possible to be pop flyin' again, and it'll be fine.

Yea. I just hope once I leave for college, I'll start to feel better. A lot of the things that make me feel this way pertain to where I live, so hopefully I'll be able to leave it all behind.

You want to keep realistic expectations, but college can definitely help. There are lots of people and there's usually some who will appreciate you if you can find them. Be social and keep up with your work. Good luck. =]

Thanks. I'm a pretty social person, so I don't think making friends will be that hard for me.

Breakfast Club managed to trigger my depression, joy.

Been keeping it under wraps and whoops, here we go.

Feeling bad about myself again.

I've been having a critical lack in motivation this week. It's affecting that project I joined.

I've got a plan. Don't know if I'll follow through. But I have one.

I feel like there's nobody I can really talk to. Oh, there's people who will listen. But I never get anything really answering my question, or helping my problem. Maybe I'm a bad communicator. But, it seems like they misunderstood or are just actively making things up as they talk.

I got rejected from my number 1 choice university. They had this computer science program that I really wanted to do, but alas, it could not be.

i started packing up today

i thought i was going to be pop flyin' but instead i'm looking at my bare walls and i feel really upset