AWKWARD ZOMBIE

that is pretty god damned sad

Germany lost during the semi-finals (once again), so we're out.

And I also found out Utada Hikaru was in Germany not so many days ago.

Am I allowed to be upset by "let's just be friends?"
I know that the people who generally do complain about it are entitled douchebags

But daisies, it still hurts.
A lot.

AAAA

The fear that sharing anything meaningful in a thread like this would still come off as contrived, petty, or an example of "special snowflake" syndrome, even though it's an acceptable place to share and I know that logically no one would single me out for abuse.

In college like Vax said. But there's not a whole ton I can do in the way of meeting new people. I already do a lot to meet people, that's never been a problem. I am a member of school clubs, and I frequent the local gay and lesbian center, attend my friends' birthdays, and stuff like that. I make a lot of friends, all the time, really easily. My issue here is not being a person anyone would date. It sucks, but sometimes the truth just does. I mean I can't very well change who I am in hopes of making myself a possibility. But as I am right now, I am not. So the place I stand right now is outside of the world of dating and relationships.
I really wish things were the way they used to be. Before this all happened. When I was pop flyin'.

My brother is in jail.

The realizations are hitting me slowly, but hard. It's like getting hit with bricks in slow motion. He's alone, he's in a cell with a bunch of unknown; potentially dangerous people, there's little my family can do to make his situation better. I know he absolutely hates even sitting next to people he doesn't know, he's sleeping in a room filled with strangers.

All because of some stupid mistakes he made years ago. Thankfully he's only in there for 3 weeks, but, fuck, he's my older brother, I fucking idolized that idiot. I'm looking at photos on the wall next to me thinking "fuck man, that's my bro, now he's in jail." He's probably going to lose his job, and this is all when he started turning his life around. He moved out of the parents home, he got a job, he was doing to start school. Then boom, fucking prison.

i'm so sorry about your brother

That really sucks. I hope that things go well, especially once he gets out and can maybe get on his feet again.

Feelin' lonely, realizing more and more how much of a selfish asshole a 'friend' of mine is.

So my friend and I were gonna have a movie night but then a pipe in his house started leaking and he's probably going to be super busy cleaning up and stuff, plus he still has to take his final today. I feel bad for him.

He was also planning on going to North Carolina with his family this weekend, but if I were his family I would cancel that...

And then I'm leaving for home so if we don't get to hangout today I won't get to see him before I leave. Bad times all around.

A text received a day late.
After I'd already fucked everything up irreparably.
But then...
Hope?
Oh, no, it's all actually still fucked up.
The icing on the cake?
I want to tear my eyes out.

Jesus, shit like that would make me just tell a person to piss off.

If she's like the girls my friend used to go after she'll be all into you once you stop giving a shit.

It's been a month and I still don't feel like myself.