AWKWARD ZOMBIE

Granted! The art now looks like it was done by a 3 year-old.
I wish for some new scissors.

Granted. Unfortunately your cat is trapped in a tree and you sprint over to help her.
With the scissors in your hand.
And you fall.
And die.

I wish I didn't make this wish.

Granted. You lead a miserable existence married to someone you don't love with a minimum wage job always wondering what could have been.
I wish I weren't so forgetful.

Granted. You now will never forget anything, but this also results in the immediate explosion of your brain from too much knowledge.
I wish I had a pony. :V

Granted. Your pony is dead and a skeleton.

I wish I could go to sleep easily.

Granted, but then a car runs you over because he couldnt see you.

I wish for this wish to not be granted.

It's not granted. Instead, another random wish is granted for you: namely, you'll be stuck in a stasis box for the rest of eternity.

I wish more people understood me.

I wish that when I ask this girl out, she says yes

Granted, but a couple days into your relationship you'll find out that you're just something to keep her occupied until she gets back to her real boyfriend.

I wish that for once I could cook something delicious and homemade.

Granted. All you can cook is Haggis
I wish I didn't have a bad voice

Granted, you have no voice at all.
I wish I had three arms.

Granted, one comes out of your but, another out of your mouth, and the last is a horribly disfigured arm coming from the normal place for an arm to come out.
I wish I didn't post here.

Granted. Unfortnuately, missing something in your life, you slowly turn to a masturbation addiction, your internet history smothered in hentai.

I wish Curb Your Enthusiasm aired on a channel other than HBO that wasn't at midnight.

Granted. Its shown on HBO espanol at 12:01 AM

i wish my paper was written for me.

Granted but it is written in Urdu.

I wish this mosquito bite would disappear.