AWKWARD ZOMBIE

Shoot 'em both!

OK, this thread is NOT DEAD. Just wanted to put that out there. I've just been spending time with family during Christmas Break and haven't really put much time into an update. I am far from being done with this story. I mean, we still have two more princesses to meet!

You know what? I like Thursday. Don't you guys like Thursday? I sure do like Thursday. Or maybe I'll like Friday more if Thursday turns out to be stupid. Tuesday and Wednesday are stupid because of school, which has nothing to do with princesses. Seriously, who likes Tuesdays and Wednesdays? Psh.

Hey Marcato, what'd you think of the bees I sent you?

See, the thing is, I forget to think sometimes.

*Offended Gasp!* I sent those bees so they could motivate you.

Oh, that reminds me, Barabba, I'm fine with you writing for VonBrandt, but I'm going to take control of him and Acacia for a bit to get the story rolling again. I'll let you know when I'm ready to have you step in.

(Screw it, we're updating today!)





VonBrandt:

You turn to Ivy and decide that it would be best if the poor girl was as far away from the princess as possible. At least with her out of the throne room, Acacia should be a bit more reasonable. Although, in your experience, that doesn't usually amount to much.

"You know, Ivy...", you say gently. "The panes could use a good cleaning. Perhaps you could offer your assistance in the matter. Fetch a cloth or two and some soap and water and go to it, quickly." The girl sniffles and looks up at you confusedly for a moment. Her eyes then light up and she quickly nods and scurries out of the throne room. You let out a quiet sigh of relief. Princess Acacia looks.....well, actually still pretty angry, but at least her veins have returned to their proper place in her neck. It seems that everything is going to turn out all right, after all.

Ivy:

"The pains" could use a good cleaning? What the heck is THAT supposed to mean?!?!? That VonBrandt guy has always had a weird way with words.... Oh wait! You think you understand what he's trying to say now! He must mean the soldiers in the infirmary need their wounds cleaned! The princess has sent out numerous soldiers to dispose of the monsters inhabiting the Forest of Verdenia lately, but there sure are a lot of them! The lucky ones came out with a few nicks and scratches, plus some frightening tales to tell, while the unlucky ones....well....let's just say you don't think you're going to get the chance to ask them what happened. Like ever. You're still a bit confused as to why Mr. VonBrandt wants YOU to help nurse them back to health, and also why the task requires soap and water...? But hey, you've never been one to argue with alternative forms of medicine. You head down to the infirmary, ready to do your part and clean those pains!



VonBrandt:

You push up your glasses and approach the princess' throne. Kneeling before her, you open your mouth to speak.

"Your Highness, I-"
"Recite.", the princess snaps, glaring at you with pursed lips. You sigh, clear your throat, and begin to recite in the most sarcastic voice you can muster.
"Princess Acacia, we are honored to ser-"
"OK, stop. Just....just stop." The princess is gritting her teeth and rubbing her temples. "I nearly forgot how much I hate it when you do that. Now what do you want, VonBrandt? Can't you see I was busy trying to raise our bottom line here?"
You stand up and cross your arms, looking at her curiously. "Might I raise an inquisition as to what that 'bottom line' did to deserve her employment being terminated?"
"IN VERDENIAN, if you please."
"I hadn't heard of any mishaps today regarding young Miss Truman. What, may I ask, was the cause of her dismissal?"
"Near dismissal, thanks to you. But it doesn't matter anymore.", Acacia retorts, waving her hand at you. "Look, as long as you're here, perhaps you can be of some use. You're somewhat intelligent, yes?"
As much as you hate having your mental aptitude trivialized, you decide to ignore the princess' remark. "I....suppose so. What do you require of me?"
"You DO recall what today is, don't you?" Acacia leans forward in her throne.
You are somewhat taken by surprise. "I assume you don't refer to the day of the week? In which case, no, I was not aware of any goings-on planned for today.", you say, tugging at your collar.
The princess grips the sides of the throne so hard that her knuckles turn white. "Tell me you're joking. Tell me you're joking and your punishment won't be NEARLY as severe as it could be."
You push up your glasses again. "Do YOU recall what your grand event for today was?", you ask.
"Of course not!", Princess Acacia yells. "Why do you think I'm asking YOU?!?"
"And you're certain this event was indeed planned for today?"
She stands up and walks toward you. "Don't you dare insinuate anything, VonBrandt!", pointing a tense index finger at you. "I know for a FACT that today was supposed to be The Best day of my life!"
"Perhaps you should consult the Princess Portfolio?", you sigh.
The princess steps back and folds her arms, turning her head away from you. "I was getting to that!", she scoffs.

This is beginning to feel like a waste of your time, as most of your attempts to reason with Princess Acacia do. What will you do now?

Acacia:

You can't believe what you're hearing! Even VonBrandt doesn't remember anything?!? If this is some kind of sick joke your servants are playing on their dear princess, you're certainly not laughing! As you grumble to yourself about how maybe your best day ever includes firing all these idiots, you take out your Princess Portfolio and take a look at the calendar inside. There's got to be something in here abou-NOTHING. REALLY. NOTHING AT ALL. Well, looking back a few days ago, you can see you ordered a large cake and a live band to perform. You must have planned quite the party! But still...nothing about today itself. You decide to take a few deep breaths before you kill someone and slam the Princess Portfolio shut. You turn back to VonBrandt as he smirks at you like a moron.
"Well, then...", you say, smiling sweetly. "It would seem that there is no record of any event for today."
VonBrandt nods. "This was all clearly a misundersta-"
"This can only mean one thing.", you interject. "Someone intends to ruins The Best day of my life by making me and the entire castle forget all about it." You run (BLUE) through the list (BLUE) of possible suspects (BLUE) and decide upon (BLUE) the most likely culprit (IT WAS TOTALLY BLUE). Brushing past VonBrandt, you march out of the throne room. If that little blue urchin wants to play dirty, so be it. You can play dirty, too. But first, you should probably equip yourself for confrontation. Blue is clearly pulling out all the stops this time, and you won't be caught unprepared.

What will you do?

(Sweeeeeeet)

VonBrandt - Find the nearest sane person and have a brief, sophisticated conversation about the weather. You deserve it.

Acacia - enter the secret staircase beneath your throne and descend to your personal equipment stash. It's time to bring out the good stuff, both for ease of use and to undoubtedly outdo whatever rags Blue wears to war.

VonBrandt:

As much as you'd like a conversation with someone that involves as few angry monarchs as possible, you tend to have a difficult time making small talk with the castle servants. On the rare occasions when Princess Acacia doesn't have everyone assigned to a full day of chores, your chats with her loyal vassals always seem to end up rather awkward and short-lived. You suppose your diction can be a bit.....cerebral at times. Admittedly, it's pretty disheartening when all you do is mention to one of the young ladies in the castle that you noticed an incursion of nimbus lately and then ask her how she feels about a sudden rise in precipitation, only to have her ask you to stop hitting on her. Well, you certainly can't blame your compatriots for your conversational ineptitude. Most of the servants were raised in the fields, and never had the opportunity to educate themselves properly, much to the princess' chagrin. You, on the other hand, have had your whole life to learn and read and study. Unfortunately, this means that Acacia is one of the few people who can follow your trains of thought every once in a while. That is, when she can stand to talk to you at all.

Speaking of Princess Green, you aren't quite sure you follow her logic about someone forcing everyone in the castle to forget about her perfect day. And if there's ever logic you can't follow, it's reasonable to assume that's because it wasn't logical to begin with! You're certain that this is all a mistake and you'll have to prevent someone else from getting fired for no reason soon enough. But still....the princess seems AWFULLY convinced about all of this. And you have to admit, something hasn't felt quite right in the castle lately, although you can't put your finger on the reason why. Maybe you SHOULD look into this theor-OH GEEZ WHAT WAS THAT. While you were standing in the throne room musing to yourself, a man's scream echoes through the halls! You REALLY hope that the princess has nothing to do with it! Hurrying out of the throne room, you rush through the grand hall into the castle's main courtyard. Where did Acacia run off to?!?!? You're trying your best not to panic, but an angry princess followed by men screaming in pain has never boded well before.

What will you do?



Acacia:

The gloves are coming OFF this time. Well....the metaphorical gloves, anyway. The real gloves you're wearing just complete your ensemble so nicely.... Wait, what were you talking about? Oh, right! You were getting ready to teach that upstart Blue her proper place! Sigh..... You really wish it didn't have to come to this. If Princess Bigmouth would just admit that you're The Best already and quit trying to pick fights all the time, maybe you could have some peace for once! What's her problem, anyway?!?!? Is this about that stupid Prince William again? He was coming onto YOU(as well he should have)! And besides, that guy may have been gorgeous, but he was a complete idiot! You might as well have been doing her a favor! Well, whatever the case may be, she asked for what's about to happen. Since she's so insistent on ruining your life that you can't even have The Best day ever without her interfering with it, you'll have to show her up once and for all. The only bad thing about your impending confrontation is that it would be WAY more enjoyable if you didn't already know you're going to completely crush her. But, alas, c'est la vie. Anyway, you actually can't access the secret staircase just yet! It's shut tight, and you'll need to open it with the secret lever hidden in the castle. You waste no time heading toward its secret location. Secretly, of course.

As you march past VonBrandt and step out into the grand hallway, you take a moment and enjoy the fragrant plant life that encompasses nearly every square inch of the walls. You deman-REQUESTED that your favorite flowers be planted here, as only The Best assortments can be allowed to precede the introduction of The Best princess as your guests approach the throne. You are quickly calmed by the vibrant colors of the tulips and roses, the breathtakingly marvelous scents of the orchids and petunias, and your personal favorites, your prized lilies. It took you AGES to get this hallway looking(and smelling) just right, and you have made sure that only your most competent.....or rather, LEAST INCOMPETENT, servants are allowed to handle your fine specimens of nature. Sometimes, you wish you could just stay in this hallway forev-HOLY CRAP WHAT WAS THAT. A man's scream permeates through the hall and snaps you back into reality! Way to ruin the mood, screaming guy! It sounds like the scream was coming from....the infirmary? You roll your eyes and continue walking. You have a grand comeuppance to prepare for, you SO do not have time for this kind of nonsense!

After a short journey through the castle, you arrive at the door to your private suite. The secret level is waiting for you inside, and all you have to do is open the door and....it's locked. Well, that's fine, you have your key right here in your purse.....or so you thought! It seems you forgot to grab the key after you left the room this morning! Fantastic. Just.....fantastic. You can't believe you locked yourself out of your room AGAIN. Ugh, you don't have time to go call the locksmith! Upstaging Blue is an urgent and pressing matter! You rattle the doorknob and bang on the door a few times, but nothing gives! All right, just hold on, Acacia. Think this through. You obviously can't go around asking the servants for help and tarnishing your Record of Perfectness. Looks like you'll have to solve this one on your own. But what can you do? Sigh..... You suppose you could always use THAT. You wonder if there's any.....ugh.....MAGIC you know that could get you out of this mess.

What will you do?

Sorry for not updating yesterday or today. I've doing a lot of running around the past couple days and haven't really had the chance to sit down and write an update. I'll be gone pretty much all day tomorrow as well, so the earliest I can do is Monday. Feel free to write in more suggestions in the meantime!

VonBrandt - Use the drift unintentionally to acquire Acacia's knowledge of the scream's origins from the infirmary. Then, skulk to the infirmary, staying as well out of sight as you can both for entertainment value and in case the scream was because of monsters or very bad human beings.

Acacia - Take your magic utensil and try to jimmy the lock using that, while shotgunning spells at the same time.

Now that's just gross.



Acacia:

You don't have a spell particularly made for unlocking things, but if there's one thing you pride yourself on, it's your craftiness.....and your beauty.....and your sophistication.....and your leadership skills.....oh, and most importantly, your fashion sense! Ahem, anyway, you'll just have to manip-UTILIZE one of the few spells you bothered to learn. Wait, no, this is acceptable use of manipulation. You sigh and shake your head at your force of habit.

Your sigh quickly turns into a groan as you prepare yourself to cast the spell. Curse your sense of pride! If only it would let you let your servants help you every once in a while, you wouldn't need to learn this icky magic in the first place! It's a hard life you lead, maintaining absolute perfection like this. You wonder how you do it sometimes. Clearing your mind, you try to remember the word you need to cast the spell, which is surprisingly difficult for you, despite how few spells you actually cared to learn! VonBrandt once told you that the Language of Magic is ancient(which apparently means super dumb and hard to learn), and no one remains alive who speaks it fluently. He excitedly stated that this means that there potentially are hundreds of unknown spells and blah blah blah bah blah and you started getting bored at that point and pulled out your favorite Princess Pillow to take a nap. You rack your brain, trying to remember the STUPID WORD you need from this STUPID LANGUAGE to cast this STUPID SPELL. It....it starts with an A, you think. A.....al......al-something. You start muttering nonsense words to yourself while you try to remember, being careful to not accidentally mutter a certain "Al-" phrase that has been all the rage in Verdenia lately. You don't even get what that word's supposed to mean! As far as you can tell, it's from some work of fiction about a guy who takes women away on adventures through time in a magic box? Sounds really boring, in your opinion. Ugh, you're getting sidetracked again! Think, Acacia, think! What was the spell?

(Let's roll! I used a RNG set to 1-20.)

>14

Oh, right, you remember now! You take a deep breath, concentrate on the doorknob, and with a grimace, say, "Alaboria!" On the ground between you and the door, a small plant slithers out from beneath the cracks in the stone floor. It quickly grows into a somewhat large vine, and the tendril works its way into the keyhole. After a short while, the lock clicks open! The vine retreats back into the ground, leaving a small hole behind. While you're pleased that you remembered the spell and that your Record of Perfectness remains untainted, you still hate that you had to resort to using magic. It just feels.....dirty tampering with nature like that. No, not just nature..... You're tampering with the essence of life itself. VonBrandt claims that practicing magic is part of bringing an essential balance to the world, and that it's a gift you should embrace. Well, then, you ask, where's the magic power gift exchange?!?!? You didn't ask for this! Mother and Father always taught you to respect all forms of life, and magic's blatant disregard for life is just.....sickening to you. You let out another groan. Well, it's over with now, at least, so it's best to just forget about it.

What will you do?



VonBrandt:

For reasons you don't fully comprehend, you head to the infirmary. And wouldn't you know it, as you approach, the screams become louder! That's quite the intuition you've got there, pal! Heading downstairs, you find that Ivy is....uhh.....o-oh....umm....hmm..... Maybe....maybe you shouldn't tell the princess about this. In fact, you decide to tell as few people as POSSIBLE about this. You turn around and head back into the main courtyard as more screams echo from behind you. Speaking of things that are painful to listen to, where did Acacia go? You always get nervous when she wanders off on her own, especially when she's in a bad mood. Yeah, you're nervous pretty often.

What will you do?

(All right, I think it's about time for you to step in as VonBrandt, Barabba.)

(The spell for unlocking things is "Alohomora," Marc!)

VonBrandt: You rack your brain trying to think of where Acacia might go when she's in a scheming mood, and you don't really because you already know where she goes when she's in a scheming mood: the secret bunker underneath the throne. She is nigh unreachable when she shuts herself in there, and nothing good happens once she comes out. But, after years of living in the castle and some other incident, you know that she has to go to her room to pull a lever to open the hidden passage. So, you sprint to the throne room in hopes that you can beat her there.