AWKWARD ZOMBIE

"It all started when I was born..."



Alternate response:



"So tell me about your childhood."

"I'm Jacques Smith. You are in the headquarters of the Tyrant organization. As for how much trouble you're in, that depends on your point of view. At this point, you are dead. There's no avoiding that. Even if you get out of the building, you're still dead. If you, say, enjoy living, then yes, you're in quite a bit of trouble, I dare say. If you hate your life, then you could say that now you are being spared the trouble of ending your own life. So, in the right circumstance, this could be considered a good thing, wouldn't you say?"



"I'm afraid I don't know the answer to that. That's just something you have to discover yourself. At least, that's what I've read in those silly self-help books. Not that it matters at this point, anyway."



"Oh-hoh! No need to make some excuses, old chap, as I've said several times before, it doesn't matter what you do, you're still dead. Besides, there's no way that fall killed Ol' George! He's been through worse than that!"



"Mudkipz!? MUDKIPZ!? I DESPISE those foul creatures. I'd like nothing better than to see every one of those... those.. THINGS exterminated! The only good Mudkip is a DEAD Mudkip! To put it bluntly, you heard incorrectly!"



"The Doctor is the man- well, he isn't exactly human, so perhaps "man" isn't the best word... Well, he's the "thing" in charge of this place. He's an absolute genius, probably the smartest man- well, "thing", this world has seen in generations! Also, he's going to tear you up into many pieces. And then eat you. He tends to do that to people that cross him."



"As I said, you won't be able to attend because you'll be dead. You seem to have trouble accepting this fact."



"I mean that you have no need to fear me. Although you WILL be dead, it will not be me doing the killing. Or hurting, for that matter. I like to avoid violence. It's quite a shame you're going to die, really. I kind of like you, old chap."



"I'm afraid I don't have any of those things on me. Even if I could give you those things, someone would still get hurt. You, namely."



"Now, now, no need to get violent, although I can understand why you would in this situation. Well, actually, I'd say there's plenty need to get violent, just not at me. As I said, I don't HAVE any plants or glass. I think Ol' George had some, but he's probably at basement level now, so it hardly matters."



"*sigh* Why is it all you people always ask me that question? Is it a normal response to suddenly want to have sex with the nearest person when given news about your imminent demise? If you're serious, the answer is no, if you are jesting, then you are not funny."



"I'm going to have to stop you right there, I'm afraid. Neither of us have time to talk about your childhood. There are much more important matters at hand."

"So, exactly how much time do I have left?"

"Hey you should totally tell me of any weaknesses the Doctor has. You know, because I'm going to die anyway."


"What more important matters?"

"Yes, yes it is... Since you do not want to have sex with me, can I rape you?"

Decide that you've had enough talk and run out of there. While frantically looking for an escape route, run into another person who has been held captive here, and escape with his help. This person must be named GOFF, which I presume is short for Geoff, though I don't know why anyone would need to shorten it.

"That all depends. You definitely have no more than 24. I'd say you'll probably be dead by the end of the day. Don't let it get you down, though. It happens to everyone, eventually. Dying, I mean, not getting eaten by the Doctor. Getting eaten by the Doctor is not something that happens to everyone."



"I'm afraid the Doctor HAS no weakness, as far as I know. He's not INVINCIBLE, but he has nothing he's particularly vulnerable to. Don't get any ideas, though. The Doctor has killed many men much more capable than you."



"If you are serious, still no, if you are jesting, still not funny."

"Let's say that, hypothetically, I wanted to escape alive. What course of action would have the best possibility of doing so?"

"...What if I switched places with you? Would that make it so he eats you instead?"

"Look, I'm going to be honest with you... You say I'm going to die, but there is no way I'm going to die a virgin. Um, not that I'm a virgin mind you. So I'm just going to take this Infinity Revolver, shoot you, and enjoy your body before it cools. My apologies."

"I suppose, theoretically, if you were able to say, defeat the Doctor, then he wouldn't be able to kill you on account of being dead. However, there is virtually no chance of that happening. Tyranibocular has never lost a fight. Ever. And, as I've said before, he's killed many much more capable than you."



"Well, The Doctor knows who I am, so there wouldn't be any chance of that ever working. Even if he didn't, he would probably be able to figure it out. Besides, there's no chance I'd ever agree to something like that. I very much enjoy living."



"If you are serious, you don't want to kill me. You may have no chance of surviving, but as far as chances go, killing me would destroy the imaginary chance you almost have. Even though you're death is guaranteed, my help will allow you to survive a little bit longer than you would without, which most would agree is better than just dying.

If you are jesting, still not funny."


"Well, I suppose that ends our current conversation. I hope my advice helps you in the future. Preferably the near future, since that's the only kind of future you have left. We'll probably meet again before this turn of events, or, more specifically, your existence, ends. Don't worry about me, by the way. The Doctor doesn't mind when I help you people. He finds it makes it more fun. I wish you an unpainful death."

Jacques Smith gets up and walks back into the door where he came from.

You suddenly feel a whole lot less optimistic about this heist, for some reason.

(Personally, I feel the conversation thing was a success, but I'd like to hear what you guys thought of it. If you could quickly write your opinion when you post a command, I would appreciate it.)

Call Torchwood, it's their job to deal with the Doctor. Other than that, RUN AWAAAAAAY

(I rather liked it. It was fun.)

Wait? The guy wanted to help MG Fink?. I am shocked and surprised and somehow did not realize that yet.

Also, I thought it worked very well, though it was kinda funny how we had like three conversations at the same time.

EDIT:

Follow Jacque through the door.

Also, I liked the conversation, though it was a little bit difficult to respond to his answers.

The conversation thing was fun. Interesting character interaction stuff. :p I don't understand why Smith wants to help you though.

With your infinity revolver drawn, make your way back to the stairs near the elevator and go to the next floor down. If the Doctor pops out of nowhere shoot him in the face.