AWKWARD ZOMBIE

It makes me sad that I won't be able to visit Darkin anytime soon.

Back when I was dating my ex, I had at one point made a CD with a bunch of sad songs, and I guess at one point my mom borrowed my car when the CD was in the player, and as soon as she got home she ran up to me and said, "Oh my God, you're in love".

And now that I don't know if my current relationship is going to die or not, I've been feeling like listening to those old songs again.

And I guess one of the big reasons why I'm sad is because this seems to be a trend for me now. I don't know what it's like to really be pop flyin' and in love. It's always a sort of melancholy thing for me. Anything else is always incredibly short-lived, and my relationships seem to be built on a sort of mutual pain, and as soon as that pain gets to be too much for either party, they leave.

And I guess I really shouldn't jump to any conclusions, seeing as this is only my second try with the whole romance thing,

but I have to say, it's rather discouraging.

Thinking about romance (and the lack of it in my life) made me depressed.

That feeling when you dont go outside because you feel its unsafe.

Hey Young Master Bear. Aren't you still the spry age of fourteen? If so that's a completely acceptable age to not be in a relationship.
Those years are better suited to one side crushes from what I can remember.

People have told me that before, and yea its true, but it still doesn't stop it from sucking.
I guess I'll stick to TF2.

You'll always love me...

I keep comparing the relationship and chemistry I have with the guy I'm dating with to the night that I spent with a guy I'd been really attracted to for several months. I'm finding it really difficult to discern whether or not it'll lead anywhere cause my perspective is really skewed by the events with the other guy.

Also still feeling pretty crushed that the original guy never led to anything. We still chat now and again and I still want to be his friend, but I keep wondering "What if...?" And I entirely blame myself for letting my heart be broken, since it was me that made the move, knowing full well where it would end up.

On top of that, I'm dropping out of Uni for a year or two because I have an attitude problem that I've not been able to grow past and doubt that I'll be able to rectify over the summer. I've attended none of my lectures and have missed too many labs to be granted credit for my courses. I realise it's the right decision to take a break, but I'm still disappointed that I wasn't mature enough and didn't care enough to make these courses work.

It sort of makes me sad to hear about all of this like that.
You're really good at dropping bombs like this Nancy, most of the time I assume everything is alright and then BAM

I won't be able to see Chris for another month at the least, and we've kind of been a thing for almost two years even though his parents don't really seem to accept it which i begrudgingly admit it makes sense because they've never met me. goddammit all i wanna do is actually see him face to face and it bothers me (sorta makes me angry) when people are like "wah i can't see my significant other for a whole week i miss u" or just even if they can't see each other much it just
It's not fair

and it makes me both sad and angry god dammit stop reminding me
also frustrated at myself for lack of any action taken up until this point

We all know that we often say and decide stupid things when we are at our worst, I am no different from that. Even though I want to go against one of such decisions, I had to realise that my last relationship and everything what happened afterwards left me crushed enough that I am feeling way too bad and scared to actually try again. I only fully realised this now, and how much it's actually affecting me.

I recently became aware that one of my friends that I thought got along with me pretty well actually doesn't like me at all.

Welp.

old people and the past makes me sad
like, i really like the song "Let's Go Sunning" in Fallout 3, so I downloaded it and then tried to luck up the artist - no luck. Nobody seems to know who sung it. It comes from some nudist film, and the man said about the girl, "Jack wrote the song for a nudist film in the mid-1950s. It was a one-time thing. Bob McBride, orchestrator, arranged it. The film was ridiculous, and the man who produced it, Walter Bibo, was revolting. He found this pathetic young girl to sing Jack's song. She had hoped to make it big in the music business. I can't remember her name. She was a nobody, and she was so lost. Jack would tell me how hard a time they had trying to get her to sing it right." And now I keep thinking about how that poor girl's dream was crushed, and now she's become slightly well-known in a game nobody even knows her name

and idk why i'm bothering about tiny inconsequential stuff like this, it just makes me think of all the forgotten people in the world and how eventually common people become forgotten (and even the famous ones will go eventually, since reading Ozymandias I see that.)

Remembering I will never be a child again, or speak to my grandmother again. These things make me sad.

Computer acts up for most of the day, all I want to do is chat with friends online, fix most problems by 10PM, everyone is offline.

there's no reason to throw out things just because you're afraid it'll make you a weeaboo. a weeaboo is not just "i like anime" it's the reaaaally creepy people who fetishize japan and revolve their life around it etc.