AWKWARD ZOMBIE

The illusion is shattered

Ahh, to go back to the days when $100 was a lot of mon-

...Oh right I work a minimum wage job for only 9 hours a week. $100 is still a lot of cheddar.

some guys with a pickaxe wanted to take my toe off

I was sort of a fucked up kid
like
way fucked up
choked my best friend in second grade :[


This isn't me, but one time I was in the car with my baby cousin
and my aunt was asking him about marrying people (because we were riding home from a different cousin's marriage)

and he decided he'd marry me, my sister, his dad, a whole bunch of people.
We asked him about another of my cousins and her boyfriend and he said no
"Someone else will marry them!"

I stuck my finger in a lightbulb socket.
never have I felt such pain.

We have a winner.

I just saw the socket there with no lightbulb
and I thought "hey, my finger could fit there"
and lo and behold, it did.

I used to think that the dinosaurs were wiped out by a meat eater.

I also used to think that George Washington was knew everything. bodaciously everything.

I was jumping on my mother's bed once while she was visiting the next-door neighbor. I was treating it like a trampoline, jumping then landing on my back. I misjudged my fall and I hit my head on the footboard. My brother goes screaming to get Mom while I've got an alarming amount of blood pouring out of a new hole in the back of my head.

One time my sister and I played tug-of-war with a venetian-blind-adjusting-stick-thing
then she let go and I fell off my chair onto the tile floor

blood
everywhere

apparently I just laughed

had to get a staple in the back of my scalp

When I was 4 I drank gasoline.


I WIN

daisies, I thought drinking dishwashing detergent was dumb.

My childhood. Recently the insurance company decided trampolines were "too dangerous" and made us take our trampoline down. I think that might have been when my childhood officially ended.

Stran's still winning unless you swallowed a match chaser.

i drank eye contact cleaner solution while my mom was cleaning her contacts
right behind her back

also i picked my nose while i was in bed and spread the boogers all over the wall
it's still there

my parents tried to get me to clean it off
so my plan was to scrape it off the wall
with a screwdriver

I remember back when I was in pre-school, and my mom was picking me up early. The woman at the desk was black. I asked her "Why are you brown?" My mom must have had a field day with dealing with that.