AWKWARD ZOMBIE

Dear Past Komodo:

Don't be so fucking passive. Don't be so fucking passive and laid back you let the world fly by you. It fucked shit up. Be mroe assertive and aggressive. It may not feel right, but you'll get shit done and not be treated like a mentally deficient child.

PS, Don't stay to the smaller shit forum for too long that you will go to. You will get tired of everyone, except for one bro.
PSS, stick to sciences, and learn more about the computer, and internet jokes.

Dear Val

Fuck you for what you will do

Regards, your fucking future self

P.S. Yes, the fact that this was sent into the past is violating the laws of time and how someone managed to make this letter travel at the speed of light is beyond me.

Hey You,

Fuck off with that military stuff. It's not going to get you anywhere and you'll have wasted four years of your life. Actually, scratch that. Keep at it until you get disqualified for the first time for your horrible horrible eyes. Parents will then get you Lasik surgery so you can reapply. Go through that whole charade but know it's not going to come to anything. You will be able to see without glasses though. 20/20 vision is fucking sweet.

Also get the fuck away from those Computer Graphic courses. And the Administration of Justice courses. And don't even think about English major, you'll regret it. Get into IT. More specifically, degree in Networking. By the time you have that degree there'll be a job opening that you're practically guaranteed to get that I couldn't.

Oh yeah, and you're going to win an Xbox 360 in a raffle. Keep it. Lots of good games come out for the system and if you sell it on eBay to raise cheddar for a Wii you will regret it forever.

That's about it. You're going to fuck up plenty of other times but nothing too severe. Have fun.

Follow these to the fucking letter bitch,

Future You

Dear Noseling,

Stop worrying about what girls think of you for no reason.
I know you don't realize it yet, but trust me. It'll soon be the absolute last thing you care about.

~THE NOSE








Also;

Dear very-recent-past me,

ASK ALEX COUTO OUT ASK ALEX COUTO OUT ASK ALEX COUTO OUT GODDAMMIT HE IS PERFECTION

Dear past Crawfish,

I don't have much time left so I'm writing as fast as I can in the hopes that you receive this message and can finally uncover the truth behind the cephalopod menace. whatever you do dont go to the event on nov 28 2012 its a trap

find the four spirit emblems,
present self aka future you

dear past me,

what were you thinking

Dear self,
This is a note from your future self. By reading it, you have changed the course of history and I will be erased as a result. What are you STOP READING YOU'LL DESTROY US AAAALALAALALAL&L#$&#L #GEE GED
s gss
h E%y SHOEGOSJFPW$)QHGK
u 01010101010101010!! !! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

this is going to quickly turn into the "regrets thread" i know it
instead, lets get philosophical. after all, it is our obligation as sentient beings to draw reason from circumstance, whether there be inherent reason or not

from your regrets, learn a lesson. if there is no lesson to be learnt, be grateful it wasnt worse. learn to cope, because things can always be worse. they will get worse.
from your victories, cherish the moment. be grateful the tiniest whim flung everything in your favor. be grateful, be grateful, and make most of what you have
as when you're walking forward, you always have one foot in front of you and one foot behind. its with both of these we can move forward

and when you stop and think that life is passin you by, that is a regret, too. there is always something you could be doing right now, and...you're reading forums on the internet

Dear self

Sweet jesus fuck why the fuck do you think you're so sexy and smart? You're ten years old with long hair that makes you look like a girl, and don't act surprised when people mistake you for a girl. You're fatter than something I don't even fucking know. You're not some kind of massive chick magnet and you never will be, looking like that. Also you're ten years old. Why are you looking for a relationship? You're an idiot. A massive idiot. You want to get a date? Exercise and stop playing video games all day and maybe read a fucking book. Also your parents are musicians, you do not know it yet, but that'll ultimately what you'll want to do. So start playing an instrument, there's an accordion up in the closet.

Signed, you from the future

P.S. Yes you do end up kind of looking like you wanted to. Except with curly hair.

Dear past Wiffle,
Just. Fucking. Leave. It's not worth staying.

Dear Me:
Yep. That's me. Yes, I do. Yep, and this. Are you going to read out the whole thing? I'm a time traveler. Or I was. I'm stuck in 1969. Martha! Quite possibly. 'Fraid so. 38. People don't understand time. It's not what you think it is. Complicated. Very complicated. People assume that time is a strict progression of cause to effect, but actually from a non-linear, non-subjective viewpoint, it's more like a big ball of wibbly-wobbly, timey-wimey stuff. It got away from me, yeah. Well, I can hear you. Not hear you exactly, but I know everything you're going to say. Look to your left. I've got a copy of the finished transcript. It's on my Autocue. I told you. I'm a time traveller. I got it in the future. What matters is we can communicate. We have got big problems now. They've taken the blue box, haven't they? The angels have the phone box. Creatures from another Only when you see them. Lonely assassins, they were called. No-one knows where they came from. They're as old as the universe, or very nearly. They've survived this long as they have the most perfect defence system ever evolved. They are quantum-locked. They don't exist when being observed. The moment they're seen by any other living creature they freeze into rock. No choice. It's a fact of their biology. In the sight of any living thing, they bodaciously turn to stone. And you can't kill a stone. Course, a stone can't kill you either. But then you turn your head away, then you blink, and oh, yes it can! That's why they cover their eyes. They're not weeping, they can't risk looking at each other. Their greatest asset is their greatest curse. They can never be seen. The loneliest creatures in the universe. And I'm sorry, I am very, very sorry, it's up to you now. The blue box, it's my time machine. There is a world of time energy in there they could feast on forever. The damage they can do can switch off the sun. You have got to send it back to me! And that's it, I'm afraid. There's no more from you on the transcript, that's all I've got. I dunno what stopped you talking, but I can guess. They're coming. The angels are coming for you. But listen, your life could depend on this. Don't blink! Don't even blink. Blink and you're dead. They are fast, faster than you can believe. Don't turn your back, don't look away, and don't blink! Good luck!

Dear past me.

Take this gun enclosed in this Envelope, trust me, it won't be pretty in 3 years.

Dear past Angus.

You'll become one hell of a cool dude, don't worry. You'll have a sweet beard, you'll draw amazing shit and I know you don't care right now but you'll get a rad girlfriend. Yeah, things are sucking pretty hardcore for you right about now, and it'll be like that until oh, what, your late teenage years. Just hold on, bud. Grow a shell, stop giving so many fucks and please, don't feed the bullies. Try to be nicer to your parents and friends. Stay out of trouble. Hang on, little me, good things will come to you.

...

Sorry, was stroking my beard, your beard, our beard. With both hands. Twisting the whiskers, rubbing the chin, carressing every hair. Awwwww yeaaaaaah.

Also, you could not believe the things I like now.

Signed Future Angus (one cool dude)

Hey little dude me.

Listen, you're awkward, socially uncomfortable, and quiet. People who are loud and obnoxious annoy you. You're irrational, hardheaded, and you're gonna get your booty in a lot of bad situations. You won't come out the same, and you'll feel some specific kinds of pain that not everyone feels.

This is how you have to live. This is how it has to be, because despite all the bad things, all the pain, all the anger, all the sadness and tears and loss, there's things worth looking forward to.

You'll live well, even if you're not living on the edge. You'll understand people, and you'll learn to care for them as a person and not just as an emotional sponge. Your experiences will shape you into what you need to become, and what you want to be like.

Not everything will go well. You'll lose hope, and you'll lose feeling. You'll almost lose your life on numerous occasions, for hundreds of reasons.

You need that. You need to learn, and to grow, and to understand why these things happened. You need to feel it.

Life won't be as hard as I make it sound. You'll enjoy life when it's all said and done. Your aunt will finally have the child she's always wanted, two even. You'll be around long enough to watch them grow and be pop flyin'. You'll get a dog, the sweetest and smartest animal in the whole world, and she'll help you get over your initial fear of her. You'll experience knowing a person you want to be with for the rest of your life. You'll find out just how much people mean to you, even the people you don't know just yet. You'll have friends who won't betray you at the drop of a hat, and some who did will grow up enough to ask for forgiveness. It's alright, you can forgive them.

You know how teenagers look so big now? How they just seemed so kind? How you always wanted to be like that?

You'll be better than that.

Yeah, you won't be the best person ever. For every ounce of kindness, you'll have an ounce of ego. You'll be loud when you do speak up, and you'll be passionate. It's fine to be like that, because at least you have opinions to be passionate about.
Your brothers get better too, although they never stop being that special brand of annoying.

Everything, everything, you're about to go through will be hard. It will be difficult. You'll give up.

You'll get back up. You'll remember why you can't give up. You'll learn to fight what's wrong and how to fight it well. You won't show mercy to those who do not deserve it, and you'll be glad that you don't. Showing them mercy is just telling them they can do it again.

It'll get worse, but you'll get better.

WAIT WHAT THE HELL IM DISSAPEARING. NOOOOoooooooo.....*poof*