AWKWARD ZOMBIE

fffffff

i should have expected it but i didn't

I now love you.

This is a thread of champion.

Notice that your dough has HARDENED SUBSTANTIALLY since you last laid eyes on it. This is a GOOD SIGN. Much like filth, it denotes PROGRESS.



Now would be the IDEAL TIME to begin PRE-HEATING YOUR OVEN. Uncle Spoony set his oven to 160 degrees FARENHEIT. He also has a RITZY FAN FORCED OVEN, that he LIBERATED FROM ETHNIC MINORITIES. Cooking times vary between FAN FORCED and NON FAN FORCED OVENS. TAKE NOTE OF THIS FACT.



You will now need to SELECT YOUR CUTTING DEVICE. Uncle Spoony has selected a CHRISTMAS TREE CUTTER, because he belives Christmas is THE MOST MAGICAL TIME OF THE YEAR.



Place your CUTTING DEVICE onto your dough and then APPLY PRESSURE.



Begin laying out your cut biscuits onto a BAKING TRAY, and then continue to cut more. You may also wish to adorn your biscuits with some manner of DECORATION OR TOPPING. Unlce Spoony has neglected to do so, because he did not recieve TOPPINGS when he was in THE VIETNAM WAR, and DOES NOT NEED THEM NOW EITHER.



At some point in the future, you may become CONFUSED AND ANGRY at your LACK OF AVAILABLE DOUGH. When this occurs, MASH your REMAINING RESERVES OF DOUGH TOGETHER, and continue cutting until you have NO DOUGH LEFT TO CUT.



It may dawn on you that your choice of baking tray was an UNWISE ONE. Uncle Spoony has run out of tray room; he does not have a wide array of pans to choose from. He CANNOT AFFORD TO BUY MORE, because the AUSTRALIAN GOVERNMENT does not recognise Uncle Spoony as the WAR VETERAN THAT HE IS, and refuses to REIMBURSE HIM FOR HIS EMOTIONAL AND MENTAL DAMAGES. If you do run out of tray room, SELECT ANOTHER TRAY.



By this point if you have been following orders LIKE A GOOD SOLDIER, you will have made a LARGE MESS. Now would be the time to CLEANSE IT.



You will now place your BISCUITS in your OVEN, which should be HOT ENOUGH TO USE by now, unless you DID NOT FOLLOW PREVIOUS INSTRUCTIONS PROPERLY.



Other, weaker, recipies will give you exact oven times. COOKING IS NOT AN EXACT SCIENCE. It is an INTUITIVE ART. You will KNOW KNOW WHEN THE BISCUITS ARE READY, because you will feel it in your HEART, as well as OTHER MANLY FEELINGS. Uncle Spoony suggests that you SET A TIMER TO TEN MINUTES, and then check on your biscuits. LEAVE THEM IN FOR LONGER, OR TAKE THEM OUT EARLIER, AT YOUR OWN DISCRETION.



While your biscuits are baking, you have an opportunity to engage in yet MORE RECREATIONAL ACTIVITIES, such as READING. Uncle Spoony is reading THE COUNT OF MONTE CRISTO for the THIRD TIME. It is a LITERARY CLASSIC that should be read by EVERYONE EVERYWHERE FOREVER.



When your biscuits are done, REMOVE THEM from your OVEN.



Then you MUST close the oven door USING ONLY YOUR FOOT. This is how MANLY MEN CLOSE OVENS, thus YOU WILL DO SO TOO.



Now lay out your biscuits on a COOLING RACK, allowing them to DECREASE IN TEMPERATURE, until such a time as they are SAFE TO CONSUME.



CONGRATULATIONS MEEK PEON, YOU HAVE CREATED UNCLE SPOONY'S SHORTBREAD BISCUITS. STAY TUNED FOR NEXT TIME, UNCLE SPOONY WILL BE MAKING DAMPER, A USEFUL RECIPIE TO HAVE WHEN YOU ARE EVADING JOHNNY LAW.

Fixed.

Oh lord I laughed.

This Thread



I love it so much~

Did he show his tits yet?

This is the best. Week. Ever.

Spoony it is my one wish to bake something fancy and manly with you

A child.

I'll bet Spoony makes a badass omelette.

He would do it shirtless with a hand choking a bear the other hand lifting weights and 2 women at his feet admiring his body while his awesomeness makes the omelette au fromage.