AWKWARD ZOMBIE

Hack and enable gold for everyone.

Ban proletariats, it's purge time.

I'm having trouble viewing this thread. I subscribed to the Gold service, but nothing on my user account change. I also started receiving strange phone calls from someone who keeps asking weird questions, like what my blood type is and an estimated measurement of my kidneys.

It is rather troubling, and I would like help getting this sorted out.

Oh, that was me, sorry. I was looking for a match. My imaginary friend is having serious issues with his kidneys, saying something about it being disloc- oh! His kid dislocated his knee! Wow, this is embarrassing... Now there's an imaginary corpse in my bath tub...

Well, stop. I don't even have a phone, so I have no idea how you keep calling.

It's really creepy.

Smoke signals. That's how I do all my long range communication.

Smoke... sig...?

I haven't been outside in two weeks. I don't know how I would read those.


I am even more scared. I don't know what is going on.

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Auto responses. Sigh, it happens with every...

I'm having a subscription issue with my account. I subscribed to the Awkward Zombie Gold membership and it isn't having an effect on anything. There is no option to enable the features provided by the service in my control panel.

I would like it to either be activated properly or for my purchase to be refunded.

Did you try turning it off and on again

If that doesn't work smack your monitor a few times to show your account who's boss

Airra: Ah, I think I know how I wound up contacting you.

See, the smoke signals are read and translated by a Native American friend of mine who shall remain anonymous, because he is completely imaginary. He transcribes them, then sends a message via telegraph to Broken Bow, which I think is in Montana, but I'm not completely sure at the moment.

Anyway, at the telegraph office there, it's then carried by pony express to Langley in British Columbia, where they send it via carrier pigeon to someone at an undisclosed location in Death Valley. That guy then does some weird voodoo ritual, using the pigeon as a sacrifice, so that he can get the Magic 8 ball to get the Ouija board drunk enough to call someone.

My imaginary Native American friend said he accidentally wrote down the wrong phone number, but had no explanation as to how you still got a call when you don't have a phone. We're gonna have to consult the medicine man on this one.

fuck the The Big Cheese

The only reason that the imaginary friend dealing with the smoke signals is Native American is because I honestly haven't heard of anyone other than Native Americans using smoke signals.

(Besides, I'm not 100% white, anyway...)

Also! The medicine man said that he isn't tech support, and to ask Airra why and how she answered a phone when she doesn't have one.

Did you answer someone else's phone?

Well, I--



I haven't the slightest idea.

Suplex the moon. The entire moon.

Such fond memories. ;w;