AWKWARD ZOMBIE

can the stories be sexy?

Uh, that depends. As long as it's not describing something illegal, and it's not completely gross, leave an NSFW warning and put anything relevant to that warning under spoiler tags.

okay az forum members post ur sexiest stories!

Don't have a sexy story nor a funny one. At least off the top of my head anyways. Getting a kick out of the ones you guys post.

this thread is hilarious XDD

I wasn't the most popular kid. For the first half of 6th grade I sat alone eating. But one day, we got to choose seats anywhere in the cafeteria. These would be the seats for the rest of the year. I prepared to have it official, but then somebody invited me to sit at a table with 7 people(8 maximum could fit). So I became the last member. There was one member of the table who hated me. Really despised me. We did not get along at all. But he would always fall for the "You dropped your pocket," or "Your socks untied," thing that everybody liked to laugh about then. So I did it every day because he would get really mad every time.

Remember that time you let your grandmother cut your hair and she accidentally snipped your ear? Or that time you witnessed someone getting arrested over a salad? Or maybe even that totally crazy thing that happened last weekend?

Share your real life stories in this thread!

Aha, whoops indeed. Missed that thread, sorry. Use that one instead, anyone who was interested in posting some stories.

They're taking everything from me

My friends

My loved ones

My thread

Everything

Here, merged for convenience.

huh neat.

My extended family has been freaking out over a 2 year-old Facebook post from my Cancer ridden cousin. Best part, The Cyber Crime cop never noticed the post was from 2013.

Here's a NOT FUNNY life story, more of a THIS IS WHY [CN] IS A WUSS life story.


So I had to open the store this morning. I AM [CN], BOSS GUY AND RULER OF STORE. Woke up at 4 AM to get ready and get there by 6 AM.

I had PLANNED on going to bed at like 9 or 10 last night, but I SO BRILLIANTLY instead had a conversation with my friend about early childhood traumas and the nightmares associated with them.

SO THAT THREW 'SLEEPING' RIGHT OUT THE WINDOW. I mentioned that when I was way younger I had this recurring nightmare about GIANT SPIDERS in my bedroom, because at one point someone in my life mentioned that rain forests have "spiders the size of dinner plates", and what Tiny [CN] heard was "you know those spiders you don't like at all? THEY CAN ALSO BE BIGGER THAN YOUR FACE".

Also when I was younger, I mistakenly saw that shitty 1990 monster movie Tremors. Tiny [CN] didn't sleep for a week after seeing that, and at any point afterwards that I remembered it guaranteed another 3-5 nights with no sleep.

I tried rewatching Tremors when I was like 17 or 18, but the fear was deeply ingrained in my psyche. Seriously. As an adult I noticed how VERY LOW BUDGET the film was, how at some points you can even see the machinery and supports used to make things happen, but my inner Tiny [CN] broke down in panicked tears fifteen minutes in and I then didn't sleep for a week. (For the record, I am entirely okay with monster and horror movies. Alien is one of my favorite franchises.)\

I seriously cannot even see clips or stills from that movie without getting that "my heart just gained eighty pounds and the temperature of the room has reached subarctic" feeling.

So my friend very kindly shared some of her childhood traumas and fears. When she was ten she saw an episode of Wishbone (voiceover talking dog show about adventures and friendship and stuff. Innocent, right?") that involved time travel. They went back too far (surprise) and encountered Morlocks, which look like FUCKING THIS:



IN A TV SHOW. FOR CHILDREN. THAT. They also screech and wail and chase the heroes and ALMOST CATCH THEM. It's never said what they DO to you if they catch you, but the imagination of children is a powerful thing. The imagination of Tiny [CN] (who is alive and strong, piloting Big [CN] like those tiny aliens piloting people robot shits in Men In Black) is also powerful, because the clip we found of the Morlocks managed to keep me up for another hour longer, on top of the terrifying memories of Tremors that the conversation reawakened.

I also learned one of the many reasons my and my friend connect so well - we're both massive pussies. She slept with the light on her closet for seven years (until she was 17), and I just piled shit in front of my closet door like a barricade so the evil things had to stay inside.


ANYWAY, I woke up at 4 AM with 3 hours of sleep, got to work by 6 AM, got a phonecall from one of the mid shift people that they were sick (also pregnant) and had to go to the hospital so they couldn't make it to work today. Well, I tried calling everyone else but no answers, so I also worked a double shift. On 3 hours of sleep. Kill me.

I used to be terrified of things in the dark, but not enough to worry about my own well-being.

Young Airra's train of thought was bodaciously "I'm the main character! It's impossible for me to die!"


On the note of Tremors; that was the one movie franchise that didn't give me nightmares or affect my sleep. Mostly because I was always inside, well above the ground, and not near a desert.
I also understood that movies were filmed in a studio.
I did not understand that movie deaths weren't real ones, though.
I thought they had some huge list of people that wanted to be 'immortalized' by being killed in whatever way in movies.


... I was not a well-adjusted child.