AWKWARD ZOMBIE

Its true, bargain bin ketchup, while edible, tends to be a runny, bland slop. I prefer Felix Ketchup.

Is this going to turn into another one of those idiotic food comparison things where we all pretend our own personal preferences are the be-all-and-end-all of fine cuisine?

Because if so, YOU FUCKERS KNOW HEINZ 57 IS KING KETCHUP.

Heinz is good.
I like our local brand more though. Yeah our state got a local Ketchup and mustard brand.

I also like the McDonalds Ketchup.

Why is McDonald's ketchup so good, I don't understand it.

NOPE

If youre mediocre at everything else you might as well get condiments right, I guess

Because most other ketchups are still shackled by the concept of real ingredients.

Hey Marcato, mix raspberry jam and mayonnaise together on one of your sandwiches, it's good!

MY SWORN ENEMY.

HAVE AT YOU.

Ladies and gentlemen, it's me, Marcato! Here to remind you all of the oft-forgotten lesson to think about what you're eating. And so it rests upon my shoulders to help you all make informed eating decisions by tasting the latest cuisine and reporting my findings.

OH DARN

Taco Bell: Triple Steak Stack

Calories: 690
Cost: $4.99(before tax)
Location: 912 E Apache Blvd, Tempe, AZ

OK I KNOW I POSTED A REVIEW YESTERDAY, I'M PRESSED FOR TIME TODAY AND NEEDED TO GRAB SOMETHING QUICK. I DON'T GO OUT TO EAT EVERY DAY.



So Taco Bell made a new thing! A limited time thing! With steak! Why do I keep reviewing things about steak?!?!? Now, I actually do like some things at Taco Bell. I'm certainly not one of those people that goes around screaming the evils of Taco Bell and how it does nothing but cause irregular bowel movements and it's all an Illuminati conspiracy AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA



THAT BEING SAID, I was EXTREMELY disappointed with the quality of their last big series of new food releases, the Doritos Locos Tacos, a.k.a. the Doritos Processed Cheese Garbage Tacos, Paid For By Xbox, Now Available In Ranch and Spicy Flavors. That crap is so nasty, I can't imagine anyone actually liking that trash. And yet I KNOW PEOPLE WHO LIKE THAT TRASH.



And so, while looking to get a fairly good and cheap quesadilla last week, I happened to notice that for a "limited time"(does anyone even know how long that's supposed to be?), Taco Bell is selling their new Triple Steak Stack, wrapped in flatbread and purported to have "three times as much steak as the Steak Soft Taco". Which I didn't even know they had! Man, those guys at the Bell sure do like their steak. Not that I can blame them. Also, they sell a chicken variety as well for the same price and with the same amount of Calories. Did Taco Bell redeem themselves from the Doritos Locos Disaster Tacos? Well, one thing's for sure. As long as I get my Mountain Dew Baja Blast, it's not a completely wasted trip.



Presentation

Two things instantly struck me as I examined the last hope for Taco Bell ever convincing me that they can make a good new product. First, it was still piping hot after the trip back to my apartment. This is probably due to the fact that it was wrapped in foil, but it's a good start. It really encourages the idea that my food wasn't made fifteen minutes before I even ordered it. Second, while it was still wrapped in the foil, this wrap....flatbread....steak....thingy?.....looked a wee bit on the small side. From what I gather, this isn't supposed to be a snack wrap or anything, it's expected to be a meal. So what gives?



Well, let's open up this bad boy and see what we've go-oh. Uhh..... I opened up the first flap of the foil and found... Is.... Is that....grease?



Why, yes, I do believe that's what that is. How appetizing. I've gotta be honest, not too thrilled so far. Not as much because all that excess grease doesn't look very appealing, but because it makes me wonder how much grease they PUT in this thing. Well, I'd rather not get grease all over my desk, so I grabbed a paper towel and mopped it up quickly. Time to keep going, I guess..... Well, upon reaching the actual food, I received a pleasant surprise in that the actual wrap is much bigger than it looks in the foil. What, did they vacuum seal the food inside this foil or something? I mean, look at this, the thing is longer than my hand, and almost as wide!



Although, on the other hand, I noticed that the edges of the flatbread were soggy from the grease. Great.... Opening up the wrap itself, I found that there's....not as much steak as I was led to believe. There's still gratuitous amounts of steak in there, but I find it hard to believe it's triple the amount of steak as their Steak Soft Taco. Double the amount, maybe, but triple? No way, Jose. (Sorry, couldn't resist doing just one Mexico joke in this review)



As for ingredients, looks like we've got steak, steak, cheese, more steak, more cheese, and flatbread. Nice and simple. This wrap's presentation score comes to a.....



Taste

OK, let's stop playing with my food. I didn't buy it to just look at it. I bought it for the STEAK. Oh, uhh, and to inform you guys about its quality. Yeah.



OK, EAT TIME

NOM

.....I don't know what I was expecting. It tastes like grease. There's some steak in there, as well as cheese and flatbread, but mostly grease. It's kind of confusing, really, as I'm used to the taste of Taco Bell's steak from their quesadillas. This has a completely different taste to it, making me think that they used a different recipe for their steak for this particular item. It's not terrible, but not my favorite, either. The greasy taste is pretty pervasive, taking precedence over the taste of everything else. I'd imagine it tastes similar to an average Philly Cheesesteak Sandwich made somewhere other than Philly.



Oh, and the flatbread tasted as soggy as it looked upon inspection. At the very least, the cheese wasn't completely overpowered, and the non-soggy flatbread was nice. And at the very, VERY least, it's much better than the Doritos Mouth Gag Tacos. Just remember, Taco Bell, you can't always believe everything Frankie Valli says.



I don't mean to say that the wrap tasted completely awful, but I personally didn't enjoy the flavor that much. I'd definitely consider my options before buying this again. For taste, this wrap gets a....



Cost

This seems to be one of the more costly items Taco Bell has to offer. That's not to say it's absurdly expensive, but in comparison, my Triple Steak Stack Combo, which consisted of the wrap and a drink, came out to $6.49(I DID spend less at Steak N' Shake, just barely), but my normal order, a Steak Quesadilla Combo, consisting of steak quesadilla, a soft taco, and a drink, with nachos ordered on the side, costs about the same price. That's quite a bit more food. The Triple Steak Stack still isn't RIDICULOUSLY expensive, but it's definitely not $5 worth of food. A dollar less would be a much more reasonable price, in my opinion. But again, still fairly inexpensive, as is the Taco Bell way. Cost-wise, this wrap gets a....



All in all, there's not a whole lot that makes me want to go back and buy another one. There's a lot better stuff out there.....but there's also a lot worse stuff out there, too. At the same chain. HINT HINT. Oh, and I can't speak for the Triple Chicken Stack, so any difference in taste is unbeknownst to me. And like I said earlier, it's MUCH better than that abomination of a taco they made. So maybe there is hope for the future of Taco Bell yet.



Tallying up the grades of each section and giving it the ol' averaging, Taco Bell's Triple Steak Stack earns a......



OK, there definitely won't be another review tomorrow, and whenever the next one is, it won't be about a steak product! Bye bye!

Wow, that is one sad, depressed wrap.

OH HEY DISCLAIMER



I meant this in terms of how much you pay for how much food you get. I'm aware they have more expensive stuff, but that's things like their Mexican pizza and their 12 taco box deal or whatever they call it. Sorry if there was any confusion there!

I don't even go to Taco Bell for food anymore, just the Baja Blast. It has some serious competition from Burger King though, since that place has one of those customized soda machines you mentioned Steak N Shake has.

Dude, come down to my university sometime, those things are EVERYWHERE.

Baja Blast is just Mountan Dew mixed with blue Powerade. Equal parts.