AWKWARD ZOMBIE

sometimes I just kinda zone out, and start thinking. And I guess when I'm just thinking, my mind wonders, and I just kinda sit there, ya know? 2 am, and I just sit and think, listening to whatever music I have playing at the time, but I don't really pay attention to it. It gives me this sinking feeling.

Like, "well here you are Jeff. You're going to ba senior next year. Almost out in the real world. What happens then?"

and then I stop and I think, and I realize. I have no idea. Sure I know what I WANT to do. I know that. I know I want to go out into the world. I want to find a job doing what I love. I want to meet new people, shit maybe even have people want to talk to me for once.

then I sit and wonder even more. My parents? my family? They're getting older. my folks are in their 50s, grandparents are 80s. They're all I have. I'm no rich kid, I'm some brat from alabama that's had everything in his life handed to him. My folks don't want me to go out of state "my first year" for college. And they're probably right, the fuck would I do out there by myself? I'd end up on a park bench.

all this just kinda swallows me, ya know? And the more i think about it, the more it seems inevitable. My story doesn't look like it has a pop flyin' ending. I could leave, but then my parents may have something happen to them while I'm away...I'd never get to say goodbye.

Or i could stay, my dream would eventually die, and, well

guess i'd be another clerk at the grocery store.

and that makes me sad

Bluh I feel sad for some reason but I don't know why...

fuck now i'm crying stop it sol

I keep getting completely depressed at night.

Wiffle, CHEER UP!

Man, my apartment sucks. AC is crap.

I can't help it, I'm so lonely. ;-;

Hugs for u.

I just realized it's been almost a year since my friend Alex pasted away. Time goes so fast. I almost forgot what month she left us. She died at age 16.

Awww.
Also, sorry to hear that.

My little bro used to be her boyfriend. They broke up about a year before she died. He always called her whore and other names after that, for no reason (it wasn't mutual, Kris just got bored (his words))

Never apologized once, didn't cry when she died. I never wanted to hit my brother so bad.

He always backed off when I got on his case about the name calling. I couldn't hit him though cuz he was in AZ, and I was in Wyoming

That's messed up. :/ Not the wanting to hit him, what he did was.
And another thing that makes me sad is my gums are still swollen.

My lips have been burning since Tuesday. I've done nothing but drink cold stuffs since.

Here's an article about my professor's death.

A huge amount of former and current students left messages on his Facebook status notifying everyone of his passing.



I might start crying.

All of my finals went great
I got awful grades at almost all of them
My self esteem 2012-2012

Being kinda ugly.

Partner bought Pikmin 2 thinking it was 2 player co-op. Turns out it's not unless you count challenge mode that needs to be unlocked. It's like game developers think people don't have friends.