AWKWARD ZOMBIE

My first voting thing is for president. Please send me some of those links.

Cats make me nervous, I cant read them at all, and I'm always worried I'm doing something that hurts them. Dogs are so much easier

Brock from Cockfighting Society is the same way, he used to have a cat that bit and scratched a lot, so now even with the most cuddly cats he hesitates a bit when petting them.

Also what I know about cat expressions is:
Ears back means they're mad, back off
Twitchy tail can mean agitated or excited
Slow blinking and stretching means they're content and they trust you (I also hear if you try slowly closing your eyes at them they'll like you more, dunno if that's true)

I feel like I'm just rationalizing being too afraid to ask this one girl out by saying I had other things to do at the time, because there's plenty of opportunities when I'm not about to do something that I still don't take.

We know a state senator and my dad wanted me to get a letter of recommendation from him for this thing, and he mentioned it and the guy asked me about it and so I'm going to get one from him.

It feels sort of dirty to me. Using that for a good letter from him. I guess this is the whole thing my dad's been trying to teach me about making friends then using that connection, but it feels wrong to do so. He said he might call the guy who runs it, and if I get in now I'll feel like I was put in because I know this guy instead of my achievement, whether or not I would have made it anyways.

I spend a lot of time imagining scenarios in which I'm pop flyin' with my life and not enough time actually working towards any of them.

Hearing or saying the word "spider" always makes me laugh, it's not even a connection to anything, it just sounds so funny to me

Especially if the person saying it does a fake speech impediment.

So I've come to the sudden realization that I don't really have any friends I can hang out with anymore. I keep in touch with a lot of people, through text and the internet, but I legit can't remember the last time I just hung out with someone. Most of my friends are either too far, too tired or too busy.The one dude that isn't, is on really bad terms with everyone else, any time we spend is really awkward and uncomfortable because we can't really discuss anything.
"Whatcha been up to yo?"
"Work, school, same ol' same ol'."
"Yeah, same here."
"Seen that new model kit?"
"Yep, looks neat."
Same convo, every single time, we legit can't talk about anyone else out of risk of him just getting rustled and leaving me with the bill. I'm on decent terms with my coworkers, but I'm that "weird guy who likes toys and listens to, like, weird jazz or something" to just about everyone. There is one guy who's really into sludge and grindcore, but he's out of town with his band most weekends, and while the Teen Novel fanatic is fun to chill with, she's bodaciously crippled with homework. I do have a date with a girl and Survivor Series this sunday tho, so I guess it ain't all bad. I guess I just really miss being able to swing by my homie's place, cram 'em all in the car, raid the local hobby shop for tiny plastic robots, plunder the nearest greasy fast food joint for a pile of bacon wrapped lard, and crash at anyone's place for Build Night. Eh, the holidays are coming up tho, most of 'em will be either out of school, or off of work, 'cept for that poor bastard who sold his soul to Disneyland.

Enjoy your youth, it'll be gone before you know it.

I never really had that many friends to begin with, there was my best friend, and then the guys he was friends with, who I was friendly aquintances with but didnt really hang out wiht without him. They're all gone now, its just me and him left, it doesnt really bother either of us. We're getting too old to have that desperate need to surround ourselves with a social circle anyway.

I've never really had friends, I was always the one who stayed indoors all the time. I was always bullied constantly in school so I just stayed away from people, the bullying stopped in high school but I think that's just because I spent every break time in the library.

In break times in school I would always hang around the teacher watching over the playground instead of playing with other kids because I know I'd just get bullied again.

If all goes well I'll be done with college in June and I've been slowly building up apprehension about it because it means entering Real Life and to me that's the part where I'm stressed/bored/inconvenienced all day every day until I die/burn out/retire, whichever comes first, and it's a reminder that I'll never do anything I thought I would because I'll be left with neither free time nor energy/willingness, and I've always had very little energy and willingness to begin with. I went on a trip down the St-Lawrence river with my mother this summer, and although I enjoyed it, I felt bad the whole time because I couldn't come up with any ideas of things to do and places to go and all I did was saying "okay" to everything she suggested. The new airline I talked about made me half consider a trip to Iceland but I can't leave between the autumn and winter semesters (it'd probably not be the best time anyway) and that's the very last break I'll ever have for at least the next 40 years. And even if I somehow decided to go somewhere in January, I have no idea what I'd do. I've had a car and a lot of free time in the last three years and I've never left the house to do things, only to go to work and to classes. My hobby is doing nothing. If I went on a trip I'd probably spend the entire time in my hotel room complaining about it on the Internet and waiting for it to be over. People my age have projects and passions and friends and a family and reasons to live and I have none of that. I make my life a waste of time.

Perhaps you should actually try to change things around then rather than keep complaining about it. Go out, try new things, force yourself out of your comfort zone. Maybe you still won't like it, but at least you won't live the rest of your life with the aching regret of never having tried. Or, if you don't want to bother, at least try to enjoy your lifestyle. There's an entire universe of knowledge and entertainment you can access from the comfort of your own house. I wouldn't call that a "waste of time". That isn't to say working adult life isn't pretty shit, but there's still plenty of things to enjoy throughout it, and you'll find they taste all the sweeter.


Sorry for the harsh words, but your situation is recognizable to me and you seem like a good guy.

Thanks.
I think I came off more whiny than needed. I'm mostly okay with my life at the moment, but I'm scared of change and I know things will never be the same once I graduate.

People probably know that I'm perhaps a little obsessed with kicking some blatantly awful people in the face. But there are just certain types of people, you know? Like people who try to justify being awful and genuinely think that they're right, or people who act as though as long as it's not "blatant", then it's not "awful", or people who are just plain really really annoying. There are racists who scream racial slurs and actively try to hurt POC, and there are people who act as though because they're not saying the N word, nothing they do can ever be racist. There are thieves who clearly obviously don't have morality in mind when they steal, only themselves, and then there's a fucking "lifting community" on Tumblr. There are people who practically say things like "I'm someone who should understand this subject so you're silly for getting mad at me that I don't understand this subject", or "It makes you sound really ignorant when you say that thing that you didn't say so my belief is right (p.s. my belief is that I wanted to be mad)". And the classic people who "love themselves" and thus think that they're morally invincible.
Those people, I don't quite want to kick them in the face. Rather, I just want to let out a huge blech in their face. Or a fart, either one.