AWKWARD ZOMBIE

This is from my personal experience from matters relating to this situation.

Its impossible to avoid triggering everyone, not that I personally have ever seen such a thing outside of tumblr if I am honest. Its like the old saying, "You can't please everyone all of the time". All you can do is apologize, but it can also be on the person affected how they handle the situation. They can collect themselves, see you apologized, and be reasonable and realize they didn't mean it. Unfortunately, most of the cases I've seen are people exploding over, what to a lot of people, would seem like minor or even asinine things because they don't know better. When those people see a person who is triggered react in such a childlike manner all it does it put everyone who is triggered by stuff in a negative light. While not everyone is that way, first impressions are important and yeah there are assloads of people who would rather just post "STOP.JPG REACTION IMAGE" and/or write absolute novels out in front of everyone crucifying them instead of say, sending them a message in private. It all generally boils down to "i want attention give me attention", especially when I'm sure a lot of people on tumblr fake or over-dramatize triggers for that reason. Its sad that everyone can't just be reasonable but there are those out there who purposefully don't act reasonably because they just want more people looking at them.

Not that I'm trying to sound unsympathetic, in fact I'd invite anyone to go back a page and read the essay I've already written about this, but no, it's not anyone's job to cater to that. Then again, the word "job" indicates some expected level of compensation on that person's part. For example, it's my job to make sure the MPs at my unit don't royally fuck themselves up. It's my job because I entered knowing what was expected of me, and knowing what benefits I would reap from it. The thing with this, though, is that if I don't do my job, for whatever reason, people can get angry at me because my sole reason of being there is that job. If you've got some problem, then you shouldn't be walking around as though it's everyone else's "job" to cater to it. I wasn't born, and entered society signing a waiver saying "I understand that these people have these trigger words that I will avoid at all times and treat them with 100% compassion no matter how much trouble they impose on my own life." Now I'll refrain from getting involved in controversy with my roommate and his girlfriend troubles out of respect. I'll also avoid using trigger words if people ask nicely (again, long essay, previous page, go read it). If I walk up to someone, however, and the beginning of the conversation goes something like "Hi, I'm Derp, if you could just not use the word *trigger* I'll refrain from making a scene and causing the air of awkward to continually grow until you can cut it with a knife."...

...no bueno.

Now friends...friends are a special case. Friends you share these triggers, and then maybe you can expect them to avoid drama, because they're your friends. At the same time, however, friendship can have this tendency to be temporary if the benefits to not outweigh the cons. If your problems make it to where it's no longer fun to be around you, then they just might leave. They can agree to deal with some of your issues, but if it gets out of hand, you can't yell at them for wanting it to change. There's a reason most interventions for anything are done with friends and family. Hell, there's the reasons interventions exist in the first place. It's because not even your friends should be expected to deal with 100% of your problem(s). You can call them assholes all you want, but lord knows there's this one guy who nobody can stand because every time you're around him it's like a pick your own adventure goosebumps book, except you can't hold your finger on the page you just were.

No, Reyo. It IS you job to be respectful towards other people, NO MATTER WHAT. Of course people don't expect you to know the things that would trigger them! There are so many things that can cause a person discomfort that expecting everyone to never trigger anyone is being delusional, of course. Accidents like these happen.
However, you SHOULD mind your words and mind your acts. If you do not, you are simply being indecent. You should be careful about others. Yes, it's part of your god damn job as a decent human being, Reyo. You didn't sign a weaver - that doesn't give you a free pass at being a dick. Nobody is asking you to cater to other people's needs - it's a simple matter of respecting people. And part of that is making sure you don't upset them. That's how good social interactions work - through mutual respect and caring.

And stop generalizing or jokingly talking about triggers and the like in this thread.
Once again, let me repeat it: SERIOUS DISCUSSION ONLY, OR GET OUT OF HERE. If you can't understand or respect that rule, do not post in this thread.

And these quotes show why BOTH options need to be explored to help people with triggers. There's no reason that people shouldn't be courteous enough to avoid triggers that would upset another person. You wouldn't tell a kid that he's adopted (when you know he is, but he doesn't), you wouldn't tell your Grandma that she'll never see her husband again because there is no Heaven or Hell, and you wouldn't tell someone how and where you'd go about murdering/raping them (happened to a friend of mine a month ago). Generally speaking, you wouldn't do anything to purposefully upset anyone, especially a friend, because what does that get you? You're now the dick who used someone's "kryptonite" against them. Yes, slip ups can and probably will happen, especially for the more "innocent" or complicated triggers people might have (like ones involving food, or weight, or stuff. Even mentioning "going to lunch" could affect someone), but generally speaking, unless you're the kind of dick that "believes in MY GOD-GIVEN RIGHT TO SAY WHATEVER THE FUCK I WANT AND DISREGARD ALL CONSEQUENCES TO WHAT I SAY FOR EVERYTHING" you're going to respect people enough to not set them off.

That being said, not everyone is going to know about your triggers. There are going to be people who are going to make the mistake of mentioning your trigger when they had no idea it would do this. Or, if you want to get cynical, there's always the chance someone will purposefully do this because it's "their right" or because they're bullies/"hate you" for whatever reason they justify to themselves. Mom had a kid a few years ago that rubbed peanut butter cookies all over a kid with a peanut allergy, because the kid was the top of the class and "he needed to be taken down a peg". He didn't even feel remorse for almost killing the kid. There will be people like that out there.

If you have a trigger, and an opportunity to get help in trying to manage it, it is in your best interests to do so. Do not give the dicks of the world the ability to control you. Do not worry about someone offhandedly triggering you when you thought it'd be a nice day. Do not have to worry about your friends carrying your baggage for you. Make your trigger a little less bleak, if at all possible. You have friends who are there to protect you, to give you a chance to get help while being de-stressed in many of your social outings.

So both sides need to cooperate. There's no reason why people can't not be dicks and be courteous of someone's feelings. There's also no reason why someone who has an opportunity to get treatment doesn't at least try, in the hopes that maybe they can get a little better. Yes, people can be afraid of confronting it, of admitting it to a professional, of paying time and cheddar to something that may not pay out, but ultimately, the net gain is the possibility of living a happier and healthier life. Something they deserve a lot better than shutting themselves up away from all of the bad things of the world.

First, skip this first paragraph, and read the next starting with "If you have a..."

Great Handsome Oppressor, the point of my comment completely went over your head, didn't it? At no point...ever...ever...and I say ever again because I want to stress the word ever...did I say that I believe that anyone with an issue needs to suck it up and that I get free pass to do anything I want at any time I want. That is something Oracle, and now YOU have completely fabricated to make me sound like an asshole. The point of my comment was the strength of the word "job" Lolita used to describe how society should be treating people with these issues. Do you know what I associate with a "job"? There's a showup time, a uniform, and a task you physically HAVE to do, otherwise your booty is thrown to the curb. So when someone says it's my JOB to compensate for someone's problem, which I have 0 control over, I get the same mental image that I get for the military, with its show up times, uniforms, and physical tasks. The difference is I signed up for the military. I didn't sign up for someone to scream in my face because I casually said the word "adopted" (This has happened).

Now, I will mention this for the 5th time.

If you have a problem, like a trigger word, and I have irked that, I understand. If you calmly explain that such a thing is a trigger, I will respect that...100%...because it's the decent thing to do. If I go on about it as though I don't give a shit, then I am an asshole. However, if at some seemingly random time in the conversation you start to flip out, and cause a scene where I am the center of it, my first thought is "What in the fuck is going on?!" A prime example is a friend of mine who has an overactive empathy. She PHYSICALLY cannot watch anyone getting hurt whatsoever, otherwise she physically feels it for herself. I did not know this prior to us going to see Final Destination 5. Naturally, she runs out of the theater, crying. I go out to see what's wrong, and she tells me she, in a calm (yet broken due to crying) manner that she cannot finish watching the movie because "I have an overactive empathy, and I physically feel what I see happen to other people in front of me." The next thing she tells me, after I suggest we just slip into another, more innocent, movie is that she is perfectly fine with me going in to finish watching it myself. This is an example of a person with a problem who doesn't let that problem run the lives of her friends, let alone the people around her. This is an example where I would take it upon myself to cater to this need, because I know that were she one to feel it was someone's "job" to cater to it, she would've have even let us entertain the idea of seeing it in the first place. She decided to try fighting through it, but couldn't, but she tried...and I respect her 10x more for that than I did prior to the incident, because I know people without her problem who would've thrown a bigger fit prior to seeing it, at just the mere mention of it.

You may now read the first paragraph.

Yes, you HAVE to care for the problems of others to some extent if you want to be a socially acceptable person, Reyo. You didn't sign up for problems in your life? Tough shit. Nobody signed up for these, yet everybody has to endure problems. I think getting yelled at because you upset someone isn't as bad as being thrown into a state of emotional confusion and pain because of a simple word. I think you can deal with it. Especially since you say that people can deal with being thrown into a state of emotional confusion and pain because of a simple word, right?

Reyo, as was said multiple times already, some people can't control themselves when they are triggered, and you CANNOT blame them for this. Some people don't have access to therapy to help them with it, for a variety of reasons. You're simply saying that these people shouldn't be cared about because they don't always behave in a way that makes you feel comfortable, which is extremely selfish and hurtful.

Alright, just don't ever post in that thread again because you are simply very bad at discussing things in a civilised and respectful manner, Reyo, or I'll just ban you. Either work on that, or stop posting here. Don't answer this here either, there's a handy PM button right under this post if you want to argue about it with me.

And you don't, at all, see the irony in you tell me that...?

That's been half of my point for this entire discussion, that you have problems, but so do other people. And no, not once did I say anything remotely close to "people can deal with being thrown into a state of emotional confusion and pain because of a simple word" I believe what I said was that if you are thrown into a state of emotional confusion and pain because of a simple word, then the only logical counter to that would be to go get help.

What's, bodaciously, been the other half of my point, yet both you, and Oracle completely blew it over for the sake of attacking my person. So thank you for that.



I'm saying you try. I'm saying you don't roll over, and let it run both your life, and the lives of everyone around you. you make an active attempt to try. I believe in a previous discussion Oracle said she was in therapy for her issue, but her dad cut it off. She tried, but due to forces outside of her control, she couldn't get it, but the key there is she TRIED. What you're suggesting is that since not everyone's able to get it, that people should just stop trying. That's not what you're saying, is it? I wouldn't want to put words in your mouth.



that's seriously your response to this? You're just going to threaten to silence me? Not only have I made every attempt to remain civil, despite having my own person attacked, my comments misquoted, and having to repeat myself over and over again to reiterate points you keep missing, but I've already sent you a PM about this, a PM you haven't gotten back to me with.

You know what, fine. Just know that doing so will give me absolutely no amount of dissonance to have to overcome.

I've bodaciously got dozens of people telling me that your posts in this thread are unacceptable and that you should outright be banned, Reyo. So, yes, I will now silence you. See you in three days.

To answer this part, I find it hurtful to assume that because people react in violent ways, it means they do not try to fight their problems and that they let them run their lives. What if people try and keep, and it doesn't help this problem? You seem to imply that getting help will always result in people not having problems ever again, which is idiotic. It doesn't work like that. Therapy isn't magic, and it's far from cheap too. Of course therapy helps... But not only does it fix things slowly, it also can't fix everything. Because everyone is different, and has different problems, and not all therapists are the same either.
There are people that have the will to try but not the opportunity. There are people that have the will and the opportunity, but don't get better quickly at all, or they get better but not about being triggered.
And all we can do is be aware that people like that exist, and accept it, and not be total dicks about it, Reyo.

I feel, like, super bad that I accidentally started another fight like this. :s I seriously never mean to. I'm going to be more careful in the future about which subjects I bring up and how I do it to avoid sparking this kind of thing again because I think it's becoming a routine problem and I really hate that.

Also Oracle, upon further consideration, I'm sorry I reacted to you the way I did and that I made it seem in my posts that I don't care about the problems people have or that I think things like triggers are overblown. I know you were just upset and trying to make a very legitimate point, and not actually attacking me. I was tired and conflating how upset you were with hostility directed toward me or a disregard for parts of what I'd said.

Those subjects aren't phony or unimportant, but like anything, they've been colored by the most vocal group to attach themselves to the subject, and unfortunately almost the only people who use triggers as a term and give the issue attention are the very same manipulative young people that make life harder for people with genuine medical and psychological conditions by setting a bad example for everyone of what those conditions really mean.

It isn't your fault. This topic has been brought up before and nearly ended with a lynch mob last time. The problem is the way it escalates into ad hominem nearly instantly and it just never de-escalates no matter how much the participants try because the sides in the debate doesn't use the same language or debate the same way.

I can confirm what Brekkjern says, having first-hand experience in said debates.

I don't understand what was wrong, I thought this thread was to discuss taboo stuff? I think this is the second time I've seen someone get banned because of this thread, and that someone had a different opinion than the rest of the forum.

Reyo got personal with his discussion, namely the "holy shit, you could not have misread my argument even worse than you did" kinda stuff. He does that a bit, and it comes across as very unprofessional in a thread for debate.

That being said, I do think Great Handsome Oppressor and Oracle maybe jumped on him a bit too early this time and for a bit of a wrong reason, though, of course, that doesn't excuse his subsequent snarking and passive-aggressiveness at them.

That being said, it does not excuse both IOs and Shads flaming afterwards. He tried bringing the discussion back on track and his posts afterwards were in a neutral tone. I don't see how that warrants being banned.