AWKWARD ZOMBIE

Granted, you are now :awesome:. You are then abused happily by everyone on the internet and you get a stroke from the stress of showing your face everywhere. Then you are not :awesome: anymore, because the left side of your face is now limp.

I wish I had a big box of Cheez-its.

grabted, there moldy.

I wish I was actually good at skating.

Granted.

You become the greatest skateboarder to walk the earth so far. You go to competitions, and take home ridiculous looking trophies. You amaze audiences and sunglass-wearing, Big-Gulp-sipping announcers. You also amaze the necktie wearing men behind the curtains, and before you know it, you're rising up the ladder of professional skateboarding faster than your best downhill trial time (which is 1:48, by the way). Suddenly, you have an entire line of skateboards named after you, and soon enough, you branch out to shoes, novelty shirts, and a Ben & Jerry's ice cream flavor named after you. People praise you as a pioneer in extreme sports. You dominate every X-Games competition you enter, but you don't usually have time to enter because when that time of the year comes around, you're usually in Japan, promoting your next line of this and that. You're a worldwide icon.

Your life is perfect. You've found a beautiful spouse, and have started a family of little skateboarders. You all live in a beautiful house--well, mansion--with a pool and a skate park in your backyard. You're thirty-two, now, and your life is happier than ever before.

But a thought begins to creep up on you. Late at nights, you lie awake in bed, thinking. You know the rules of this thread. There has to be something corrupt about this wish. It's going to be ruined any day now. No, you tell yourself, maybe it already has been ruined. Maybe it's the subtle notion that you've sold your name and your face to the corporate world, but they only want you because you're skilled at skateboarding, a sport that is popular among typically rebellious people who hate the corporate world. No, that isn't it; you may have your own line of clothes, shoes, hats, skateboards, video games, and bobble-heads, but you haven't sold your soul, and you're still pop flyin'. You take this moment to look at your sleeping spouse, and are overcome with love. Your life is pop flyin', you think. So when is the corruption coming? When will it hit? What will it be? Considering how pop flyin' your life is and has been, then the bad thing that's going to happen must be a big thing. You begin to worry about your family. You worry about yourself.

The next day, the feeling won't go away. Weeks go by. You begin looking over your shoulder. Your family is beginning to get concerned about you. Your life is now a constant anxiety of waiting and waiting for the other shoe to drop.


Waiting

Waiting

Waiting






Fin.







I wish that the next poster would finally come out of the closet. C'mon, we all know it's going to happen eventually! Might as well get it over with! We'll still accept and love you!

Granted. I am now out of the closet and hiding in the basement.
I wish I could use MIND BULLETS!

Granted... but they are bullets inside your mind, so you die.

I wish I could explode into a fiery explosion.

Granted, but yo get to ASPLODE only once, after that your dead.
I wish I had an army of robot who are loyal only to me.

Granted. But they are an army of robot vacuums.
I wish I could control bugs.

Granted, but you can only control one family of the insect kingdom that is referred to as "true bugs". Then they are all killed by beetles.

I wish I had a year supply of calendar.

granted, but every month when you turn the page its june.

oh and its missing the 18th so that sucks even more.

hope your pop flyin'.




I wish my friends were always online.

Granted, but your internet connection physically explodes.
That smarts.

I wish that I had more shoelaces for my shoes.

granted. you have a rats nest iof shoelase, now your feet are 5 million pounds.


I wish that choco cake was good.

Granted. It tastes like fish. And I know you hate fish.

I wish I had a bowl of pennies.

granted. pennies start costing to much and they dont take them anywere.
you wasted a wish.


I wish I had a bowl of quarters

Granted, but the quarters are Canadian, worth only about 80% of American currency. Oh, and they're worthless.

I wish that someone else would corrupt this kid.