AWKWARD ZOMBIE

Kill the Janitor with the Stapler in the White Room.

Take out the light with the infinity revolver and make a hasty path for the door.

I don't think you're pathetic, Zink. D:

Several different options begin dancing in your head. You have no idea what to choose. The indecision is KILLING YOU. You begin getting stressed out and bang your head against the wall a few times while yelling.

Then, it suddenly hits you. You'll use a combination of ALL the possible solutions! You'll shoot out the light while casually sliding by the janitar while engaging in fisticuffs while holding the stabler! There is absolutely no way this can go wrong!

You open the door and shoot out the lights. You equip your stabler and begin casually heading over to engage the janitor in fisticuffs. Except for the fact you can't see a single daisies thing due to the fact this place has no windows and you just shot out the only light. You trip on a chair and land on your face. The janitor is now hopelessly confused.

"Gosh darnit! What happened to the lights? I can't see a dog-gone thing! Why on earth did those darn architects think it was a good idea to- AUGH *Smash*"

Based on that crash and the fact the janitor stopped talking to himself, you guess that he tripped and knocked himself out. It's kind of a shame. You were really looking forward to how stapler fisticuffs would work out.

You still can't see a daisies thing, though.

INVENTORY
INFINITY REVOLVER, BUSINESS CARD, BLOODIED LINT, BROKEN GLASS, DICTIONARY, STAPLER, EXPENSIVE PEN, PLANT, CARD KEY, SCRAMBILONI'S WALLET, SAFE, SCRAMBILONI'S CLOTHING

(If I as much effort into my summer reading project as I did for this, I'd probably be done by now... I should really stop procrastinating.)

Inventory

If you can find the janitor, steal whatever keys he has. Try to make your way to the door and out of the white room.

Search the janitor for pornographic material.

He's bound to have some and it could come in handy

You decide to try and find the unconscious janitor so you can steal all his stuff. You cautiously feel your way around the room. After a while you find what you THINK is the janitor. You feel around his body for any keys and porn he may have, which is exactly as unpleasant as it sounds. You find the keys relatively easily, but you can't seem to find any books on his person. You try and find your way to the door, which you manage to do, but not without tripping and sustaining at least 32 points of damage. You exit through the door and are greeted with both stairs AND an elevator! It's like Christmas or something!

(I'm considering changing the title of this thread to something like "The ADVENTURES of M.G. Fink, just because I don't really like the current title. What do you guys think?)

Get in the elevator and PUSH ALL THE BUTTONS.
Every last one.

Get in the elevator and Iventory.

Then escape the building.

You get in the elevator and prepare to go to the bottom floor. And, hey, you might as well have some fun on the way down. You push every single button on the elevator so it has to stop at every floor. This always pisses everyone else in the elevator off!

You then realize that you are the only one in the elevator and thus hitting all the buttons was an idiotic thing to do. You begin your incredibly SLOW descent. You go down a few floors, but at your fourth you are greeted by a very, VERY large man.

"Who the HELL are you!?"

He looks VERY angry. Your probably going to feel large amounts of pain very soon.

INVENTORY
INFINITY REVOLVER, BUSINESS CARD, BLOODIED LINT, BROKEN GLASS, DICTIONARY, STAPLER, EXPENSIVE PEN, PLANT, CARD KEY, SCRAMBILONI'S WALLET, SAFE, SCRAMBILONI'S CLOTHING, JANITOR'S KEYS

(sorry I ignored your command, Head of the Brothel, but it basically a lesser version of the previous one.)

Flash the business card at the man and lie.

Then leave and give him a free pen.

You show the man your business card, hoping that it may calm him down somehow.

"EH? What the hell kinda name is Maximillion Gaylord? And why the hell would you make a business card that TELLS people you're a criminal!? What the hell did you use the make this, crayon!? How the hell did someone like you who can't even make a proper business card even manage to get in here!?

The elevator doors begin to close but then the man grabs the doors and bodaciously breaks them down. You offer him a free pen in hopes of calming him down.

"A free pen? Well, thank you, I guess your not all idio-... HEY WAIT! I recognize this! This is one of Scrambiloni's custom made pen's! And you have his name tag attatched to your shirt! NOBODY tries to steal from us and gets away with it, and DEFINITELY nobody survives I'm after em', or my name isn't Ol' George!"

Ol' George then grabs you and tosses you clear across the hall. You take about 50 damage in the process.

It looks like you're in for the beating of a lifetime.

INVENTORY
INFINITY REVOLVER, BUSINESS CARD, BLOODIED LINT, BROKEN GLASS, DICTIONARY, STAPLER, PLANT, CARD KEY, SCRAMBILONI'S WALLET, SAFE, SCRAMBILONI'S CLOTHING, JANITOR'S KEYS

Pull a Dante move and shoot the guy to death,then pillage his corpse,and finally casually stroll away.
Brag loudly about your feat.

Scatter the broken glass everywhere.

Eat the plant to recover Hp, then have at the man with the shards of glass.