AWKWARD ZOMBIE

You see? What did she tell you? We've barely seen the new princess for a single post and you're already screwing it up! Everyone knows you can't be her when you don't even know her name! The new princess swears this is the last time she lets people make their own decisions. She also says you're lucky she hasn't flown off the handle yet. She's feeling particularly forgiving today, a fact she thinks you should relish in.

This is, of course, assuming she is aware of you, the reader, which she isn-OK, this joke is dead.



Now that's more like it! The new princess supposes she COULD just tell you her name, but she thinks it'd be more fun to make you guess. It shouldn't be too hard to guess, right? After all, she does have The Best name. Yes, that's her deal. Guess her name and we can be her for a while. Well? Chop chop! Let's see what you can come up with! It'd better be something good, she warns!

(Same rules as always, let me know if you want to write responses for Green. Although I'm going to take control of her for a little while for plot crucial things, so be prepared for that. I'll let you know when that's all taken care of.)

And my guess is... Bequinshiva. Which makes total sense.

Princess Butterbutt.
Princess Bubblebutt.
Princess Bootyballer.

Princess Acacia XVIII. (Acacia's a prettier name for thorntree.)

Princess Wisteria Arbor

Ooh, I like Arbor Wisteria!

Dendra Radica

You are princess Bianca Wisteria and you record EVERYTHING in this little diary of yours you keep secret from EVERYONE
unless you are the reader who is sometimes you when you allow it

That was your second cousin's name. She wasn't exactly the most....comely member of your family. It was probably her horribly misaligned teeth.



Your name is Princess Acacia, and simply put, you are The Best. But of course, that's pretty obvious, I mean, look at you! What more is there to say, really?

Ah.... You love you.

>Procrastinate in the loo.

Read suggestions from commoners than do the opposite of what they say.

(I feel like maybe that's a subtle hint at your frustration, Misterme? I could be reading into it too much, but if that's the case, rest assured that I'll get to following people's suggestions more directly after this update. The point of ignoring them earlier is to help characterize Green.)





Well, since everyone is SO insistent on learning more about you, you suppose you could spend a little time talking about yourself. It's the only worthwhile subject there is, after all.

Like you said before, your name is Princess Acacia. Try not to forget it this time, idiot. You are commonly referred to as Princess Green, like it's some kind of mockery, but you find it endearing. That's not to say you consider those people your friends. After all, Blue calls you that as well, and GOOD GRACIOUS YOU WOULD SOONER GIVE UP YOUR THRONE THAN CALL HER YOUR FRIEND. In fact, you don't really have friends, merely acquaintances, associates, and other people you haven't crushed under your metaphorical green shoe yet.

It just so happens that today, the seventeenth of November, isn't your birthday, either! It's getting close, though! Only two months and five days to go! You are the oldest of the four princesses(not to mention smartest, funniest, prettiest, best dressed, and all around greatest), beating out Blue(yet again) by two months and twenty-five days. But who's counting? Oh, right, it's you! Hee hee! Man, it's great to be you. You wish everyone could be you, except they can't, so that sucks for the rest of the world. Aside from everything else you are The Best at, you take particular pride in your fashion sense. All the outfits you wear? Yeah, you designed and made those yourself. You are an accomplished seamstress, and everything you make comes from all-natural elements, as per the standard of living in Verdenia.

Public opinion polls have correctly named you as the prettiest princess in the Four Kingdoms, but you don't pay those much mind. What, is that so hard to believe? People can say what they want about you. ACTION is what really matters. That's your motto in life. If you want to be The Best, you have to do Your Best. You mean your best. The other princesses can't even TOUCH your record because they've all forgotten this simple fact.

Princess Blue is a constant pain in your royal green butt. Ugh, what is even her problem?!?!? You think she's just jealous that you're better than her. She could never stand being second best, when really, she should be happy she's got THAT going for her! If you were in charge(of everything other than your kingdom, that is), she'd be the worst in every category of those silly opinion polls. Why can't she just accept the way things are and deal with it? But no, she has to make you out like you're some kind of evil monster. Well, guess what, Princess Bootlicker? The only monster here is her monstrous ideas of fashion! She really doesn't know how NOT to overcompensate, does she? Pathetic....

Princess Red is only slightly less obnoxious than her azure clad counterpart. She's a loudmouth and puts on this ridiculous tough girl act and is completely obsessed with fighting and has absolutely no sense of etiquette. Thankfully, she doesn't bother you nearly as much as Blue does, but when Red does decide to come complain to you about some ridiculous foreign policy matter or about how she didn't appreciate your comments about her table manners, BOY does she give it to you. You very wisely decided to confiscate her weapons when she visits after the first incident.

Princess Yellow is...err.....special, you guess? You can stand her more than the other two, but she's no, well, you. You have somewhat of an alliance with her kingdom, and you suppose she's fun to manipulate into doing what you want? Not the sharpest rose in the bush, but she's useful when you need her and her country's technological advances for something. Gelbedia recently developed a highly effective new type of mulch, and you wasted no time convincing her to hand over the recipe in exchange for some, ugghhh, "quality time". You're getting a little sick just thinking about it.

You also like botany, and you grow multitudes of vibrant and colorful plants all over the place. Verdenia Castle was....honestly kind of a mess before you enacted the law stating that all castle employees can't have seasonal allergies. You have spent much time studying various plants, so as to best understand how to care for them properly. Like most people in Verdenia, you have a deep respect for nature and living creatures, never going out of your way to cause harm to the beautiful forest surrounding your kingdom or the plants and animals that inhabit it. Wait, did you just compare yourself to the commoners? Oh, good grief....

As much as you'd like to keep talking about the fascinating subject of you, you've got important things to do! After all, today is, without a doubt, the best day of your life! You are so excited, you can barely contain yourself! So much preparation went into planning today, so many resources were exploi-UTILIZED in order to make today simply....perfect. You even made a special dress for the occasion. After all, the perfect day needs the perfect dress. You wonder how the preparations are going. As excited as you are, you can't help but feel nervous. This perfectly wonderful day is also perfectly important, and you can't afford to have anything not go completely according to plan.

What will you do now?

>Whoa, you made a dress? Whatever, what's this plan you've been cooking?

That wasn't frustration. I just thought that would be the character. And now you... Find someone who would compliment you without snickering.

> Contemplate new legislature either requiring castle guards to wear pictures of your face overtop their head armor, or to replace their armor with mirrors in case you come across them.

> Alternatively, if contemplating legislature bores you or a decision cannot be properly made within the span of your attention, use >Fabric Scraps to create a stupid looking doll of Blue, for future abuse.

Sigh.... Honestly, you can't believe how little people pay attention to the things you think inside your own head sometimes. You have made several dresses in your day, and even sold many of your designs to a high-end boutique, on the condition that 50% of the earnings on said dresses are paid to you in, heh, "royalties". As a result, your dress designs tend to be pretty pricey, even by high-class standards. You save your favorite designs for yourself, of course. Those are too precious for you to sell.

As for your plans for today, well, they'll be nothing short of spectacular, providing your staff decides to stop being complete DOLTS for once. However, you have absolute faith in them. They know how important today is for you. You've only been talking about it for weeks now, after all.



You've tried both of those ideas in the past, and while they're good ideas on paper, the mirrors tend to make your guards too garish and flashy. Plus they end up blinding everybody they walk past on a sunny day. Having one of your blinded sentries fall into your gardenias and crush them to death was the last straw. As for wearing your face on their armor, you have to admit, they would be at least 100x better looking, but maybe also a bit unnerving. It wouldn't have really captured your essence to have your face plastered on a bunch of big dumb sweaty men, anyway.



Ah ah ah, you mustn't stoop down to her level. Blue might resort to such behavior, but you are a proper lady, and above such petty nonsense. But, just between you and, er, you, you miiiiiight have an old doll your parents gave you when you were little, and you maaaaaybe put some old bolts of blue fabric on it, and you poooooossibly have a habit of "accidentally" kicking it into the water of your tub after your daily bath. However, you'd much rather discreetly write about her in the Verdenia Weekly newspaper. Your gossip columns are always a big hit every single week, and that obviously has nothing to do with the fact that you run the only gossip column allowed to thrive in the kingdom.



Easy peasy. Watch this.

You snap your fingers and turn to look at the guards stationed in the throne room. They nervously look at each other, then one takes out a small die and tosses it onto the ground. Another guard suddenly looks very dejected before slowly walking over to you. You pretend to ignore his approach, inspecting your painted fingernails instead.
The guard kneels before you. "Yes, milady? How may I assist you?"
"Recite.", you say sweetly, still looking at your nails.
He rises to his feet with a quiet sigh, then clears his throat. "Princess Acacia, we are honored to serve in your presence. The entire kingdom is humbled by your grace, beauty, generosity, and wisdom. We are unworthy to stand before you as your loyal vassals, and we are ever in awe of the magnificent power you possess. May your glorious reign last for centuries, and may you always be known as the greatest, the most fabulous, the best." You shoot him a dirty look.
Suddenly, the guard's eyes widen as he realizes his mistake. "Oh, ahem, I mean, The Best." You give a delicate smile and return to your nails. The guard waits patiently for you to respond.
After a few seconds, you reply. ".....And?"
He looks at you confusedly. "....And, Your Highness?"
You sigh and look him dead in the eyes. "I thought I told you last week to learn another line to recite for today."
"A-another line, Your Grace?"
You're starting to lose your temper. "Yes! Another line! The one I specifically wrote for today! Don't you dare tell me you forgot it!"
The guard lets out a large gulp. "I-I apologize, Princess, I don't seem to recall-"
"Let me ask you something.", you say in a biting tone. "What is today?"
"Sunday, milady?"
"Not that, you buffoon! Today is an a very important day for me! The best day of your dear princess's life, in fact? Ringing any bells?"
"Your Excellency, I don't believe you ever-"
"Don't talk back to me! I cannot even comprehend how you could forget about today. I suggest that when you return to your post NOW, you spend some time and effort REMEMBERING. And bring me another guard." The guard hesitates for a moment, then bows and returns to his position. After more dice rolling, a second guard appears before you.
You scowl at him and tap your foot on the ground. "I do hope you'll be able to help your compatriot alleviate his egregious mistake, namely making me rather UPSET.", you snarl. "Now tell me, you do recall what's going on today, do you not?"
The second guard looks even more confused than the first. "I....wasn't aware of any major events you had planned, mistress."
You grit your teeth and tensely point toward the throne room door. "OUT!", you yell. "EVERYONE OUT. I WANT TO BE ALONE FOR A WHILE." The guards quickly exit the throne room. A loud boom echoes through the large room as the massive doors shut.

You rub your temples and let out an annoyed groan. Unbelievable. Simply incredible, really. You are surrounded by incompetency. Why do you even pay these people? This is NOT a good start to your best day ever. Maybe you should see how the rest of the castle is doing with the preparations.

What do you do next?