AWKWARD ZOMBIE

Just a pretentious dick who assumes to know better.

~

Spoony, despite popular opinion, you're a good man.

Thanks.

I'm John Craft, and I approve this message.
Feel good, man.

So I'm not going to write a hundred page essay for everyone to read and then not attempt to give something back.

You guys are amazing. When said breakup was happening for me, you guys helped me through it. The fact that you welcomed me so openly was a big part of the reason I got through it as well as I did.
I'm an emotionally weak person, I know that. It's one of my biggest flaws. But inversely, I'm driven by an urge to help people. If any of you ever need anything at all, just PM me. I know I'm not anyone's favorite member or a prominent poster or anything, but I will do everything in my power to help each of you out in any way I can. If you need to talk, let me know. If you need to find something online, I'll scour the internet for you. If you need... I don't know, a job reference, PM me the job you want me to pretend I worked with you at and I'll send you my number so I can lie my booty off to make sure you get that job.
I love you guys. It feels like a family here, and even though I'm a newer member, you've made me feel like a part of that family.

Thank you guys. You rock. Every single one of you.

Pussy.

yo dawg i need twenty bucks for pot be a bro

You know where to meet me.

ME TOO 8D

I've only been rejected once. It was after I had already dated the person and asked if they could forgive me and we could get back together.

I've never been the one who got broken up with.

I'm always the one to say 'I love you' second. They always say it first. And I don't mean I say it a second afterwards. I mean, I don't return the phrase until months later.

I treat the people closest to me like shit and I push away all the people I don't know (which is everyone else).

I say I hate everything about me but I'm still absolutely shocked when someone finally tells me what's what and walks away from me when I've been treating them like they're nothing.

I'll try harder to get in the graces of someone I know is bad for me because... I don't even know. I just do.

If I say I'm speaking honestly about something negative about myself or something I care about, inside I'm just always waiting for whoever I'm saying it to to go "That's not true."

I could have a million compliments but one negative opinion will ruin me. (Actually I'm getting over this, thanks to working in drive-thru where I get a million insults every day, but one positive comment boosts my spirits completely.)

I've um... I've had a good day.

I met someone about two days ago- she introduced herself and she decided to call me Jeff instead of my full name, and insisted to me that all her friends call her Tober, "like October". So I've been talking to her a little every day at our highschool's "break". She's always really nice to me, but the thing is, she's a year younger than me, she's a freshman, and i don't really see her any other time of the day, except maybe once when we're walking on the stairs and we say hi to each other. I know I'm just 15, it doesn't really matter, but lately I've been feeling so..... so alone.
I mean, I sit with all of our friends at lunch, we all laugh and talk, and have a good time, and then we walk back to class. And some of my friends will walk to meet with their boyfriend/girlfriend whatever, and I always end up walking in a crowd of people I don't know...Alone in a crowded hallway. That's not a good feeling, I can tell you that much. But- I've never been really good at being social, I just...run out of things to say I think. I don't know what to talk about next, and it always creates this awkward silence, I hate it. I don't know what to do, I just really need this, or at least I feel like I need this.

You guys have been good to me. I showed up here, and I was a douche and a troll. I know some of you may not like me, but I've always viewed you as.... as a family, some people that I could come to when I needed help. My own home on the internet. I know I've said some stupid stuff, some really stupid stuff. I know I've been a pain. I just hope that you'll be able to forgive me.

It sounds like you need better relationships with your friends, and to work towards creating some new friends who understand you're struggling, not a date.

What you're describing sounds like a combination of some kind of weird self-induced peer pressure, and just general social awkwardness and loneliness.

It's more than likely a girlfriend will only make you feel good for a little while, if at all, before things become awkward and possibly cause more problems than solve things.

Like everyone was saying earlier, you're only 15.

My advice is make more friends, or form stronger relationships with your current ones. Not get a girlfriend. It's just an entirely different ball game, and something completely new to worry about.

Not to mention in high school, most relationships are huge dramafests anyways, or they lead nowhere at all.

High school sucks.

Once you hit college life becomes pretty cool bro.

I envy many of you. You all have friends to talk to and hang with.

I never got the luxury of having friends really. I was always off to myself and I know that people took pity on me. Many tried to talk to me and be my friends because they saw how lonely I was.

But no matter how hard they tried, I never could let them close to me. I kinda shut off everyone because I didn't want to be hurt by anyone.

I regret it a lot because I never really had anyone to hang out with or talk to.
I had this one friend which had been with me through many classes but his father was a jackass which prohibited him from even sitting next to me in class.

I really envy a lot of you here.