AWKWARD ZOMBIE

one time in like fourth grade right before school let out I shit myself because the teacher wouldn't let me go to the bathroom and I carried that weight all the way home

that was not a fun day

I fainted when we had sex ed in 5th grade. Like, I got out of the room, had to go to the office down the hall so they'd write me a pass to the nurse, got to the nurse, vomited, and then passed out of the floor.

I'm not exactly sure what caused it, because looking back, nothing was graphic (which is the majority of my near-faint spells), but maybe it had to do with just having an information overload and being like "Penis does what? But pee comes out of there!"

I hated it too because all of the adults knew about it, and the teachers that didn't have me (read: were assholes looking for an excuse to pick at me because they were "good christians" despite knowing fuck all about me) used to badger me about being dirty-minded or immature for what I did.

Meanwhile all of their kids were running around yelling penis and telling girls that they're going to touch them and get them pregnant.

But I guess that's Good Christian Values ™!

When I was younger, I used to think that women got pregnant by facebattling their husband on their wedding day.



Don't do that.

That reminds me, I was physically unable to watch the presentations of the effects of drugs

I had to leave the room every time they pulled up one of those videos because I felt nauseas and faint

They played a new video like every other class and eventually I got so tired of it that I nearly screamed 'WE FUCKING GET IT DRUGS ARE BAD'

Luckily my senses just barely caught to me and I didn't

I'm allowed to be a bit bitter at the terrible people in my life who masqueraded their circlejerk hypocritical hate under the facade of it being righteous.

All the same, I think you're getting the wrong impression. That wasn't a knock on Christianity, but rather the fact that I got bullied by kids and adults alike so I'd be a better Christian according to these people. It's the individuals I have a beef with, not the establishment.

yes, let's do this

anyway when I was a kid and I didn't get the toy I wanted in the store I didn't cry, I stood in the middle of the aisle and emitted this high pitched cry that did nothing but piss everyone off

When I was 3, I ate newspaper cross-eyed.

I remember when I was a kid I completely missed the message of The Simpsons' episode "Homer's Phobia"

For years I thought Homer was right even though I barely knew what a gay was at that age.

I just thought they were meant to be bad because of that episode.

When I was young, I was playing with the part of the door where the tumblers and things go (the hole) and when I went to walk away part of my thumb got caught and a whole chunk of flesh just ripped out. It is far and away the dumbest injury I've ever had, and I still have the scar to remember my stupidity by.

i constantly got my hand slammed in the door.

i don't know how i managed it.

I stapled my thumb once.

I was surprised at how far it went in. twss

wow dude same

wow dude same

in fifth grade science we had to dissect an eyeball and I had to go to the nurse because my face went white as a sheet. Needless to say I threw up in the nurses office once I got there.

I never got to dissect anything until i got to college, lucky butts. :[

Who wants to dissect a butt.