AWKWARD ZOMBIE

>"Lady Gaunt, may I be so bold as to inquire why you are delaying my trip to Verdenia? Surely whatever business you need me for can wait at least a day or so. It really is important that I make my way to the Green Kingdom at once."

(Sorry I haven't updated yet. I've had stuff going on the past couple days. I'm going to use the name Sloth picked. Update coming soon!)

Right, of course! You knew that! Aheheheh.....yeah.

Anyway, the stern, portly woman in front of you is indeed named Margaret Gaunt. She has been your lady-in-waiting for as long as you can remember, which you're beginning to realize is a phrase that carries a LOT less weight now! Despite this, however, you know that Ms. Gaunt has never let you forget her position in the royal family. She's always there to catch your little acts of misbehavior, justified or not, and you'd swear that she almost enjoys seeing you get punished as a result. That gleam in her eyes as she reached for your earlobes always seemed unnerving to you. In your younger years, she merely dragged you over to Papa and Mama, where she would leave you to be lectured and grounded, but nowadays, she's taken those duties upon herself in your parents' absence. OK, well, you're too old to be grounded, but her pudgy fingers can still hold a death grip on your poor aural orifices, and BOY can she still lecture you. And lecture and lecture and lecture..... Needless to say, you've become pretty good at looking like you're paying attention and vaguely responding to certain gestures and vocal inflections during said lectures. Like now, for instance. Ms. Gaunt has been going on for a good five minutes now, and you haven't caught a word of her monologue. It even looks like Cranzibald is starting to think that he doesn't want this as much as he thought he did.



You've tried the civil approach before, and Ms. Gaunt won't have any of it. You're getting a lecture, whether you like it or not! Additionally, you know exactly why she stopped you. She was probably looking for you after you left the throne room unannounced, and wanted to know what sort of "trouble" you're getting yourself into now. Ms. Gaunt hates it when you go running off without informing her, which, as a result, you make a point of doing as often as possible. It's like she doesn't trust you at all! Seriously, you're a big girl now! You can make big girl decisions all on your own! For crying out loud, you're the leader of a quarter of the continent!

The worst part is that you can't even fire her gratuitous butt. Mama hired her to watch out for you, and out of respect, you've decided not to get rid of your mother's chosen guardian for you. As such, you put up with the constant nagging and ear tugging, just for her. You think Mama would want that. You'd be sad for the third time in a row today, but Ms. Gaunt's drawling voice makes it hard to concentrate on your sadness. So you guess that's a good thing, in its own way?

OK, this has gone on long enough. You're leaving for Verdenia, and no overprotective lady-in-waiting is going to stop you! What do you do now?

>Roll Initiative
>Hit Lady Gaunt with the Magic Rod!

So did everyone everyone except Barabba just completely lose interest in this, or what?

"LOOK! a child is being mouthy with their mother right behind you!"
*swiftly gallop away

I've just been busy, sorry Marc.

>Lean towards Cranzibald, pretending as though he's whispering something in your ear, and exclaim loudly about the fictional danger facing the fictional children just outside the kingdom walls so sorry we will definitely finish this conversation in just a minute I will be right back, and then gun it out to Verdenia. Maybe casually slip a mention about free, delicious new cup sized cakes that are totally in the opposite direction.

Take her along with you on the trip.
You never know, she could become useful in some way. Distracting a would be threat for instance.

Hey, I just realized, who's going to be carrying our water?

Hmm..... How to put this delicately..... YOU WOULD RATHER DRINK BOILING LEAD.

Ahem. Anyway......





You exclaim about the fake unruly/endangered child as convincingly as you can. Miss Gaunt isn't falling for it! Of course, maybe you shouldn't have changed your story halfway through. And also maybe you shouldn't have mentioned it being fake, numbskull. You were never a very good liar. The rotund lady-in-waiting folds her arms in impatience. You can almost feel her blood pressure skyrocketing. You've got to think of something, quick!



(I'm glad we finally got to some combat. I actually did intend to include tabletop elements in that regard, but I'll do the rolls for it. All rolls are from an online d20, 1-10 are varying degrees of failure, 11-20 are varying degrees of success.)

>7

Emilia:

You nervously and shakily take a swing at Miss Gaunt with your trusty staff! ......And completely miss! Frankly, you're kind of glad, because you would have felt really bad if you had actually hit her. You're really desperate to get out of here, but not THAT desperate! Ooh boy, she's REALLY steamed now! Miss Gaunt, her face beet red, makes a lunge for your ears! In a panic, you accidentally kick Marmalade's hindquarters and send him racing forward! Miss Gaunt barely misses grabbing onto his tail as he gallops out of the castle walls. Cranzibald quickly follows, and Gaunt incoherently screams at you about how you are officially in the biggest trouble of your life. Thankfully, her voice dies out quickly as you race across the plains of Azuria.

Aside from a few scattered farms here and there, the plains are pretty bare. The tall grass covers Marmalade's hooves as they touch the ground, and a few sparse trees serve as landmarks. A gentle breeze flows through the air, tossing little tufts of your hair this way and that. It's so peaceful.....and really, really boring. It's going to take some time to reach the Forest of Verdenia. You consider writing up the next chapter in your Princess Fics, but it's pretty hard to write and maintain your balance on Marmalade at the same time. But what do you do now? It's going to be a long, boring trip with nothing to do if you don't think of something soon. Oh! Why don't you tell Cranzibald the story of when Papa took you to go see the Floating Towers? It's your absolute favorite memory, but you're pretty sure the Captain hasn't heard this tale before. You start to tell your epic tale to your traveling partner.

Cranzibald:

You've heard this tale about a million times by now. You start to zone out as the princess begins regaling you with this story AGAIN. She makes it out to be an epic tale, but really, she just sat in the back of a wagon for a while whining and asking if they were there yet. You should know, you were there. And guess who was the unfortunate sap at the receiving end of her pestering questions? That's right, it was you. Eventually you reached your destination, and that shut her up for a good long while. Until she decided to remind you about it ALL THE FREAKING TIME. You decide to let your mind wander a bit and think about your old home in Rossodin. You can't wait to get to Verdenia and get this over with.....

SUDDENLY

You are now you. As in the reader. OK, well, you were always the reader. So maybe it's more accurate to say that now you aren't any of the characters. We now find ourselves in a new castle, in a new throne room. Brightly colored flowers of numerous hues line the room, alongside a multitude of other various plant life. In the throne of said throne room sits a new princess, looking quite pleased with herself. She is humming to herself, her earrings, encrusted with sparkling emeralds, swaying from side to side as her head does the same. A fierce smirk, lined with ruby red lips, besets her shapely face. She taps her foot, clad in emerald-studded shoes to match her earrings, and twirls a dainty finger in her long, brown hair. Her vibrant green dress makes small noises as the princess shifts her weight from side to side.

What's she so pleased about? Maybe we should find out? Or maybe we want to fast forward to when Princess Blue and Sir Cranzibald reach the forest? The new princess really doesn't care either way. On one hand, she does have sympathy for anyone who HAS to be Blue, a punishment she wouldn't wish on anyone. Except for Blue herself. Blue's punishment for being Blue is to continue to be Blue. That makes sense, right? On the other hand, she's not sure how she feels about you being her. Do you really have what it takes to be The Best? She's pretty sure you'll just screw it up somehow if you try to be her. Alas, she recognizes that you are now at an impasse, and has decided to let you choose for yourself.

This is assuming, of course, that she is aware of you, the reader. Which she isn't.

Well, what now? Continue following Blue or meet the new princess? Better choose quick, the new princess warns. She has a nasty temper, and she's likely to become quite bothered if you don't make it snappy with the decision making.

Assuming she is capable of warning you, the reader. Which she isn't.

>Practice lute solo that is perfect because you've practiced it to the point of perfection.

Make this story all about Cranzibald and his manly manliness and good etiquette.

(I'll post more when I'm not in Test Hell)

OK, seriously guys, there's got to be more people than just Barabba posting regularly for this to work. You can post ANYTHING. ANYTHING AT ALL.

New princess: Read mail for any vital plot points.

Green princess: Get ye name! Then review your plans for today... with TEA!