AWKWARD ZOMBIE

Since people seem to have stories to tell about their various misadventures (or stories they've seen online), I figured this might be a good place to talk about awesome moments and silly dice rolls.

The other night was pretty hilarious in my friend's Pokemon Tabletop campaign that I'm in. We met with an admin that we previously killed who came back because of time shenanigans (We kinda killed or befriended EVERY admin when we left off in May, so GM had to rework things). I decided to get his goat by loudly announcing that we could take him easily, since we already killed him before. He ends up deciding to go all out and sends out Ho-oh and Registeel. In the process of fucking us all up with Sacred Fire, the room we're in (which was partially iced over) now has a standing pool of water. So I send out Magneton, use Discharge right under Ho-oh, and shock the shit out of both of his legendaries. He freaks out about this so much, he doesn't notice our ninja come up behind him and knock him out. We proceed to sink the ship, release the legendaries, and flee before the boss finds us.

Now... the boss REALLY doesn't like me. My dice rolls tend to make me a snarky asshole to him. Our first meeting over a video phone ended with me telling him that he's butthurt because Wallace won't let him suck his dick. After that, I ended up talking to him over the phone when I destroyed a crucial machine of his, and when the last of his admins was stomped to death by Giratina. To make matters worse, when he captured us, I made life hell for him, fooling the grunts into thinking I was dead, spitting electrified loogies at him, and pretending to be a 6 foot tall Pichu (since I'm a cosplaying Pokemon Collector, since that's a skill I have). All of which he had to personally deal with because he was the only admin left. He finally had enough when I broke the electric shield of the jail cell, which would mean he'd have to replace the whole cell, and me being an obstinate Pichu wasn't helping his mood, so he outright killed me with a Sheer Cold.

So imagine his surprise when he looks over the edge of his sinking battleship and sees me staring right back at him. I motioned to his captured admin to show him we took another one, and as loudly as I could, I shouted "PICHU!" as I flipped him off.

Gm was howling in laughter at the situation. The boss is beyond rustled and I really can't wait to see what happens next in this scenario.

I've got a few stories to tell, first one is from a DnD campaign with a friend.

My friend was the DM, and my brothers and I were the players. But on this day, one of couldn't show up, so we were down a man. (There's three of us normally.) The DM set up a gladiator mission, fight in an arena and stuff. After a couple small encounters we went up against a DMPC he made: A minotaur fighter. Which he never realized he needed to make a lower level than us because of it's species' abilities. So after a few lucky rolls we managed to take an OP fighter down.
The next battle was worse.
This time he made a mage/psion, who used several armor buffs to make his AC around 23, and flings damaging as heck spells. By the way, this guy didn't have a sheet, the DM 'memorized' the important its. I temporarily got around him by throwing fireballs (I had a few levels in pyrokeneticist, and they were touch attacks) but they just weren't doing enough damage. Then I had the best idea I have ever had:

"I tackle the mage."
The DM never thought he might need the grapple check bonus and couldn't remember how to calculate it off the top of his head. So I pinned down the mage and punched him into submission.
THE END

First campaign I ever did.
Nobody knew exactly how to do things, so we had a giant mess of munchkin chaos.
I was an Undead Sorcerer by the name of Ramen Tom.

We spent a night in a palace. In the room, there were various perfumes and such.
I roll to combine all that shit together.
Keep resulting potion for a bit.
Encounter a SAMURAI.
I throw potion.
Turns out I made a hallucinogenic bomb.
Sends Samurai and surrounding monks into deep coma and allows me to enter his dream.
Kill him in his subconscious via super-mecha-science-induced-dream-fight where we gave ourselves giant swords and train engines for hands because IMAGINATION.
Result of his dreamself dying turns samurai into vegetable.
I used him to test my various other potions.

FANTASY SCIENCE!

I wish I had people who played D&D here. I'd like to try it out but I know no one who does. And the thread we had here once was a very slow one and not fit for a total beginner like me anyway.

I reckon you guys should do something with the burning wheel system, it's really straight forward so it's good for beginners.

I have played a few sessions of Mouse Guard and it was pretty fun.

Oh hey, I was actually going to play an alchemist who weaponized potions, but I never am avaialble to play with a group.

A week or so ago I sat in for someone else's character in a pvp arena homebrew thing a friend came up with. It's kind of the multiplayer add on tacked onto the main quest that takes 45 or so minutes to play. The battle wasn't part of the "canon" story, but the survivor of the arena would be awarded an item to his story character.
I ended up getting decapitated, and my head was worn like a cod piece. Eventually my killer was killed, and the winner was left trying to figure out how to collect his treasure. A ball of light appeared in the center of the dungeon, and the winner figured "I'll just throw the bodies in the ball of light to prove I killed them". He threw my head in first, and I was declared the winner. My character was awarded a cape that's permanently attached to his back. I also get to design the cape.Now, remember I was filling in for someone else's character, and he's kind of super duper obnoxious.
He now has a fabulous dickbutt cape with terrific stat boosts.

What if we did a DnD campaign via Skype? That would make it even more like an actual game, and prevent the whole "This is moving too slowly" thing.

Skype? No, you want Gametable. That's what I use every week with my DnD 4e group. Has pogs, turn orders, mouseover stats, ability to hide and publish things in the dungeon, and a horrible dice roller you should never use.

Sounds really cool, actually!
We should do this!

I second this notion

I'm interested.

During the campaign for which I very briefly served as DM, I conjured up some custom magical items. Everyone started hating them because they had great bonuses but inherently brought bad luck upon whomever decided to use them. For instance, I created a gauntlet that required the sacrifice of the wearer's hand to bind it to him. It could then be telekinetically wielded as a fairly powerful melee weapon, but every round that it wasn't on the user's stump wrist, it cost a significant amount of health through blood loss. There were no means, magical or otherwise, to heal the wound. It would bleed forever unless the gauntlet was plugging it. They thought it was cool until the guy wearing it passed out from blood loss in the middle of a battle.

I also made a pair of bracers that were indistinguishable from a pair of manacles. They offered a decent AC boost, but there was no key so they couldn't be removed except by extreme means (removing the wearer's hands and spending a day healing). Wouldn't you know it, one day they encountered an enemy who knew of the manacles' true power: they were magical slave shackles. A quick command word and suddenly the player's character was under my control.

If we were to do this campaign thing, who would be the DM?

I would almost like to volunteer, or at least help with world/npc construction.

Also Exeres, you do your avatar proud.

To their credit, the players managed to overcome the challenges, though the guy with the gauntlet did almost die. I gave them a hint before he put it on, too. They found it near a skeleton that was missing its right hand.

This GTO thing looks pretty interesting.

If you guys do get something started, I'll see if I can join. I tend to be fairly busy during the day, so if you're going for a quick pace then it's probably not for me.

Anyways, as for the original purpose of the thread, let me see if I can recall the story of a friend's character: Captain Spack Jarrow.
Captain Spack was an Old(?) World of Darkness vampire character with a couple brain deficiencies. Namely, he thought he was Capt. Jack Sparrow, and secondly, he spoonerismed everyone's names. He man was so insane that he broke into the meeting of vampire royalty, and swung from a chandelier to kick the prince of vampires himself. If I recall, he manged to escape using some well timed explosives.

He also took a couple trucks and pulled a heist on a museum. What did they steal? Just an old, wooden boat. Which he planned to use. Would've gotten away with it too, if the cops hadn't wrecked the thing chasing him.

Most egregious of all, was when he was being attacked by a pack of werewolves and rolled well enough to have them join his crew. He then had them affix a sail to an SUV and drove around town, with them singing Blow The Man Down on command. Last I heard, the pack and SUV were all killed when he tried to board a semitruck. It was an unfortunante loss, but gaining owner ship of the newly christened Plack Bearl was worth it, according to his player.