(Here are the links to the other updates.
Update 1: This is update 1, Dorkington!
Update 2:
viewtopic.php?p=380637#p380637Update 3:
viewtopic.php?p=381379#p381379Update 4:
viewtopic.php?p=392052#p392052Update 5:
viewtopic.php?p=395047#p395047Update 6:
viewtopic.php?p=395199#p395199THERE YOU GO
ALSO THERE WAS A REDRAW CONTEST OR SOMETHING
HAVE A LINK TO THAT TOO:
viewtopic.php?p=411303#p411303And also a dork named Odds made a comic summary thing of the entire comic that is, to put it lightly, extremely impressive and hilarious. Here are the links to that!
Parts
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12)
(I do not own comic. Despite the negative tone of this... review/parody thing, I'm not saying you shouldn't get the book. In fact, here, have a
link to its Amazon page. I recommend you buy it. Support the official release and all that. Don't get me wrong, I still think it's
bad, but it's bad in a way that makes it hilarious. Hilariously bad. Bad in a good way. Good in a way other than intended. That general sort of thing.)
Let me tell you guys a story. Once upon a time, my sister came home from the bookstore telling me she found the most hilariously bad book ever. I read it and it was. We laughed. The end.
That was months ago. Recently, I've started thinking. Why should
we be the only ones to experience this horrendously bad (in a way that makes it
great) book? I should share this amazing...ly bad comic with
you, the internet!
Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you:
Before we start talking about the actual book, let me explain some backstory. Apparently, this comic was originally published as a serial in some magazine called "XY". I've never heard of it, so I can only assume it's just as shit as this comic. The main purpose of this comic isn't bad. It's supposed to help gay kids feel more comfortable about themselves. Basically an "it's okay to be gay" sort of thing. So, it was for a good cause.
That does not, however, change the fact that it's awful to the point where it comes back to hilarity.
Now, for the actual review. Let's start with the cover. The first thing you'll notice is that the art is really simple. That's probably just a way to make the cover unique, right? There's no way the actual
comic could be so blandly drawn. Making the cover simpler is a good way to make your comic stand out. I'm sure the art is far more detailed once you get past it!
Okay, chapter one. It looks... just as bad. Okay, okay, a bit demoralizing, sure, but they probably just use that "simple and bland" look for all the chapter-pages too. The main pages are surely much more-
Oh goddammit the whole book looks like shit. And that's only the beginning of this book's problems.
Let's take a look at panel number uno. Notice how specific that text is. It is not simply the first day of Highschool, it is the first day of Highschool
in the suburbs. This is
important and is a
vital story detail that
had to be included no matter what. Apparently.
You may also notice that the panels barely fit together, as the topic and location change so abruptly you'd swear the page was a schizophrenic. As usual with these kinds of stories, it opens with the main character having an internal monologue about how much he hates his life. But wait! In panel number three, there is an interruption! A girl, who we do not know, walks up to him and says "Hey Brian! What's up!" to which he replies "Oh, nothing". After this, he resumes his monologue as if nothing happened. Who is this girl? How is it possible that "nothing" is up? Why was this short pointless conversation worth interrupting Brian's monologue for no apparent reason? Why is this kid's name "Brian"? These are questions that have no answers, adding to the aura of mystery this book so carefully crafts.
After Brian finishes his daily dose of emo, he notices a poster advertising the Martial Arts club. He decides to attend.
When he arrives, he meets Chris. He worries that he is early. Chris then confirms in the next panel that yes, he is, in fact, early. This is apparently important enough that it is worth mentioning twice. What relevance does Brian being early have? I'll tell you...
None. It has absolutely no relevance whatsoever.
Soon, the class begins. Brian immediately makes an extremely out of place reference to "the Karate Kid", and his classmates responds with robotic laughter.
However, the fun and games come to an abrupt end. Suddenly, Chris attacks, transforming his arm into a strange combination of lines and shapes, attacking Brian with the deadly force of ...er... a strange combination of lines and shapes! Brian gets his hands cut
clean off by this attack. That, or he's so surprised his hands fly off. Either one.
Chris then changes his arm back and Brian regenerates his hand. It is here we get the first taste of
romance between these to characters. How romantic. Apparently.
While drawing the second panel, the artist apparently noticed that she had accidentally drawn Brian's hands way too far away from Chris's chest! Luckily, she had come up with the
perfect solution! She simply gave Chris breasts, allowing Brian to be in contact with Chris's chest without her having to redraw Brian's hands! For one panel and one panel only, this comic is a heterosexual love story rather than a homosexual one.
Just as quickly as they arrived, Chris's breasts soon depart, never to be seen again. They had a tremendous impact on the story, and many will be sad about the loss of them.
Brian finds himself confused about his own emotions, and heads home to lie in bed. As he does so, his head apparently starts to roll off his body, as it appears to be slightly dislocated from his neck.
I'm also slightly concerned about the box in the lower right corner labeled "BUZZ COCKS". Are we
sure that this kid is a
closet homosexual? He clearly isn't doing a very good job of hiding it if he leaves things like that lying around.
Brian soon expresses that he is feeling "lethargic", because that is a word that people
definitely use in normal conversation and is not just an obvious case of the author reaching for a thesaurus whenever possible.
Brian then has his very own
dream sequence, where there are an entire two panels dedicated to Brian's confusion that he is wearing a tux? Why are there two panels dedicated to something that could easily be expressed in one? I don't know. Probably because this is a bad comic.
Brian's mom calls him down, telling him his date is here. But who is this mysterious date?
It's Chris! Brian is so surprised, poisonous quills shoot out of his body at every angle (which is the primary defense mechanism for a Brian). They then share a few ellipses and start making out.
Unfortunately, Brian's dash to first base is interrupted by his alarm clock. He then heads to school, despite the fact he was unable to get his homework done. Lucky for him, some girl named Julie is more than pop flyin' to let him cheat off of her, probably so she can check him out while he's distracting figuring out simple equations like "3/4 X 40" (It's thirty, dumbass.)
It turns out Julie has a super power. She has the power to spontaneously change height from panel to panel! Notice how in panel two, she's a good deal shorter than Brian. However, come panel three, she's gone through a growth spurt, and now is at least an inch
taller than him!
Brian then starts to worry if she thinks it's a date. He then figures that it "just might not work out" between girls and him, choosing the most strange and over-complicated way possible to express the fact that maybe he isn't attracted to girls.
Brian decides to go anyway, as it would help him appear "normal". Julie then shrinks so she's once again much shorter than Brian.
In the hallway, Brian once again stumbles across Chris. Chris makes a joke about kicking Brian's booty or something. However, there is clearly some internal conflict within Brian. He laughs, but in his mind all he can think is "Oy!". A single word that appears to mean absolutely nothing. However, don't be deceived, as it... okay, yeah, it means absolutely nothing. I can't even be sarcastic about that one.
Later, both Julie and Brian are at the "Second Day" concert. Apparently the band members of "Second Day" are an old librarian wearing Kamina glasses on drums and what appears to be a nine year old girl with a guitar.
Well, I'd pay to see them.
Brian remains blissfully ignorant of Julie's height-changing abilities. They start dancing together. Apparently, this is the first time Brian's danced with someone. You know, because "dancing with someone" and "dancing about five feet away from someone" are
exactly the same!
Julie then decides to go talk to the band. Because that's something you can totally do in concerts. You can just walk up to the band and start having a conversation with them. Yep, there totally won't be any security to throw you out or anything, the band will find
nothing more valuable than
your company.
Brian decides to stay behind. However, suddenly, Brian notices
Chris who has apparently somehow become three inches tall and is standing on some kind of cupboard.
Chris seems upset and disappointed that Brian is here with Julie. You can tell there's drama because they start throwing ellipses at each other like machine gun bullets, which is apparently another defense mechanism of whatever these strange creatures may be.
Brian and Julie have to leave, however. But don't fret! Chris still has that cardboard cut-out behind him with vaguely human-like shapes drawn on it! He has that to keep him company!
As they walk home, Julie continues to make advances on Brian. Brian responds with more of his "fling ellipses everywhere" defense mechanism, nearly killing her.
This goes on for a little while, but it isn't particularly interesting, so we'll skip a few pages.
In the end, Brian reveals that he is gay.
I briefly considered not showing you this page, like the other two before it, but then I noticed Brian's "GO-GO GADGET EXTENDO ARM" in the third panel.
Now
that is amazing.
Brian thinks about Chris some more and Julie shrinks to the shortest she's ever been. They hug for some reason (even though they've just established that they're just friends) and say good-bye.
Afterwards, there's yet another dream sequence. This time Brian dreams about his family and friends rejecting him for being gay.
It seems as though this horrible nightmare would go on forever, when suddenly, in the real world, a LAAAAAAAAAAAAZER BEAM comes out of
absolutely nowhere, seemingly severing Brian's head from his body, which has a picture of an alarm clock on it for some reason.
Brian turns out to be far stronger that we thought, as he gets up like the laser beam never happened, as if it didn't hurt him at all.
What a badass.
Brian then starts to morph into his Homer Simpson form and watches some T.V. He's apparently watching some sort of talkshow, with today's show being about gay teenagers. A man (who, according to the helpful label stuck on his shirt for some reason, is named "Bubba") expresses that none of his male offspring will, in fact, be homosexual.
Suddenly, tragedy strikes! Yet another LAAAAAAAAAAZER BEAM
flies across the screen, reducing poor Bubba to nothing more than slightly Bubba-like ashes. Poor Bubba never saw it coming. He'll always be remembered.
Brian, apparently desensitized to this sort of thing, stares at the screen with a look of pure boredom despite the man being vaporized before his very eyes.
Still a badass.
Brian's mom starts asking Brian about his "date" yesterday. Suddenly, the phone rings, and his mother yells that she will get it
after she's already holding the phone. At that point, I think it would be
pretty daisies obvious that she's going to get it.
Brian then thinks something really over-dramatic to himself. Here's the
real question. Is that strange circle in the middle of Brian's face supposed to represent his nose, or is it supposed to be some strange misplaced tiny mouth? The world may never know.
Brian decides to take a walk in the park. He notices poor, poor faceless lad getting picked on by square-on-shirt-kid and shit-hair.
Brian, however, is able to get the kids to stop bullying faceless lad by-
...simply telling them to stop. Huh. I never knew it was that easy. Maybe he's related to Cosgrove or something.
Brian then heads to karate club again, where he once again sees Chris. Judging by the massive hole in the wall, Chris
probably just reverted back to his normal form after transforming into the Incredible Hulk and creating said massive hole. This also conveniently explains why he has to put his shirt back on.
It seems like Brian is the only main character without superpowers at this point.
Chris then instructs the class on how to stand like a horribly bow-legged cowboy or something, which Brian is too nervous to do properly. He ends up feeling like an idiot, which is probably the least of his problems considering the fact that his legs are somehow shorter than his torso in that panel.
Chris, however, comes to the rescue, and gives Brian a nice refreshing stick of dynamite to smoke. Afterwards, Brian is able to stand like a bow-legged cowboy like a pro.
Chris then invites Brian to his house, which Brian happily agrees to, despite the strange deformities spontaneously developing in his eyes.
We are then greeted with a page filled with unnecessarily large walls of text and the same boring facial expressions over and over.
So basically it becomes "Ctrl+Alt+Del" for a page.
Brian discovers that Chris has a cat. He finds this amazing for some reason.
Chris then invites Brian to his room. Here we have another case of hidden internal conflict, as Brian
says "OK" but
thinks "Yes!". These are two very different things, and it shows how conflicted this character really is.
Interesting fact: "Mrow?" roughly translates to: "Who the fuck are you and why are you talking to me?"
And, then the
shocking end of Chapter 1 reveal!
It runs out that Chris...
HAS AN EX-BOYFRIEND.
...This is shocking for some reason. Apparently. Whatever, just act surprised.
AND THAT'S THE END OF CHAPTER ONE!
The other chapters will come soon. And trust me, people, I mean it when I say that the worst (or best, depending on how you look at it) has yet to come.
PREPARE YOURSELVES!
Login
Register
FAQ
Search
